Page 36

CHAPTER 36

STACEY

XANDER

November

Waking up with Bella may be the highlight of my life. Her body is pressed to mine, my hand possessively splayed over her hip bone, her skin warm and velvety to the touch. She’s wearing my tee and her lacy red panties, and fuck, is it the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Her dark brown hair is spilled over my pillow, tickling me.

I don’t want to leave her side…but I can’t be late for morning practice.

I ease out of bed, making sure she’s undisturbed. When I press my lips to her forehead, the corners of her mouth tremble, and a full-blown smile stretches across my face. How am I supposed to focus on the game against Washington when all I want to do is climb back in bed and spend the next few hours fucking her, tasting her, kissing her?

As much as I’d love to fuck with Miller, I’ll have to wait. I can’t stop myself from comparing this to a turnover. No one knows Miller lost Bella, but I’ve already intercepted, caught her in my arms, and I don’t plan to ever let her go.

I can only hope that when I finally tell her about what happened in college, she won’t push me away. Thinking about our upcoming talk makes me feel like there’s a rock in my stomach.

Shaking my head, I force myself to focus on getting dressed. I’ve got the leash clipped to Milo’s collar when an idea strikes me. I leave him waiting near the front door as I rush into the kitchen and write a little note to Bella, explaining where I’m going and asking her to wait for me. The inevitable truth looms over my head like the sword of Damocles, but I can’t let my past rob me of my future.

I just hope she’ll understand.

* * *

“Practice was a little rough today, don’t you think?” Carter asks me, tearing me out of my thoughts.

I force myself to smirk at him. “I didn’t notice.”

“You’re too cocky. If you’re not careful, it could be your Achilles’ heel.” He chuckles. “Though maybe you’re just speaking your truth. You’ve been the star of our team since the moment you got here.”

“I’m trying my best, man. Hoping we can push through the rest of the season and make it to the Super Bowl.”

“I admire your determination.” He wraps a towel around his waist and heads for the showers. “See you tomorrow.”

Despite the grueling practice, as I walk to my car, my mood is good, my mind clear. Miraculously, Miller’s presence didn’t bug me one bit today.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, and I think I served mine frozen solid.

When I press the ignition button, the engine comes to life, and a Post Malone song blasts from the speakers. All the way home, I tell myself Bella is there waiting for me. She has to be.

Seeing Miller propose to her gutted me. So did walking away from her after Audrey caught us kissing. As much shit as I’ve been through, nothing compares to the pain I felt when I thought I’d lost Bella.

I’m in love with her. It hit me hard when Miller dropped to one knee in front of her, and I’ve been dazed ever since. I was worried I might have lost my chance with her. For years, I’ve told myself I don’t do relationships, certain I didn’t have the ability to fall in love. But I did, and it’s the most overwhelming feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I sit in my car for a moment, willing the anticipation stewing inside my chest to settle. I’m ready to cross my fingers, ready to pray to God that I’ll have the chance to explain myself to her. She needs to know the truth about my college years, about Miller. I want to explain my behavior too…but that might change the way she feels about me. It might ruin my life and our potential future, but I have to be completely honest with her. I’m ready to risk it all for a chance.

I walk into the house, and when the sound of the TV registers, my heart fucking flips over itself.

She’s still here.

Scared shitless but wanting to take the leap, I head straight for the living room. I’m tired of hiding the truth from her. She doesn’t deserve it.

She’s on the couch with Milo, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head, a few wild locks framing her face. When she sees me, she takes the remote from the coffee table and presses pause. My dog lifts his head and finally notices me, his tail wagging lazily.

Yeah, buddy, I’d prefer her company over mine too.

“Hey, you’re back,” Bella says as I trot to the couch.

“And you’re here.” I sit beside her, taken by her beauty. She’s still in my tee, her bare legs pulled up beneath her. Milo’s head rests on her lap, her fingers deep in his fur. She feels like home, full of comfort and hope.

I’m not my usual self when I’m with her, but I like this version of me better. It’s who I was before all the shit that went down in college. Bella brings out the best in me.

“How was practice?”

“It was great. I have a good feeling about the game this weekend.” I squint at the TV. “What are you watching?”

“It’s Howl’s Moving Castle , my all-time favorite anime. I’ve probably seen it fifty times. The books are great, but the movie? Unmatched.”

“I’m intrigued.” I settle beside her and lean back against the cushions. “Mind starting it again?”

“Sure, but…maybe we can talk first?” She shifts so she’s fully facing me.

My pulse picks up, and a lump lodges itself in my throat. This is what I wanted, but I’m still nervous.

“Sure.” I stand a little too quickly. “I’ll go change my clothes and be back, okay?”

I don’t wait for her to respond before I dart from the room.

It’s time to tell her everything.

* * *

“So…” I sit on the opposite end of the couch and turn to get a better look at Bella.

She turned off the TV, and now she’s cradling a steaming mug of coffee between her palms. Her blue eyes are like the sky on a clear summer day.

I rough a shaky hand down my face. “Did Jake try to convince you to stay?” That was not what I planned to say, but I go with it. “I saw him today, and it made me think…”

She snorts. “He knew we were done, but yeah, he did. He also admitted he cheated on me.”

“God, he’s stupider than I thought.” I shake my head. “I would never cheat on you.”

Bella sets her mug on the coffee table, averting her eyes. “‘Never’ is a very strong word.”

Fuck, I didn’t think I could hate Miller more than I already did.

“I never say words I don’t mean.”

“I know. Just…” She looks up, her expression full of apprehension. “Can you please tell me what happened, like you promised?”

With a nod, I trace my front teeth with my tongue. I take a minute to collect my thoughts; then, with a deep sigh, I lean back on the couch. “I’m sorry I didn’t do this a long time ago, but I wanted you to make up your mind about Miller first. To decide for yourself that he wasn’t right for you, not because I told you what he did.”

She dips her chin in confirmation but doesn’t speak.

“In high school, Jake and I played for rival teams. Then we ended up being college roommates. At first, it was great. We had similar interests. Football, obviously, and we both majored in finance. But after a while, our personalities clashed.

“My freshman year, I focused on football and my classes. That was it. I was set on being at the top of my game, and I was. I was the best quarterback the team had seen in years.” I chuckle. “It sounds cocky, but it’s the truth. Not gonna lie—it boosted my ego. Miller was impressive as fuck too, and Coach was always saying he hit the jackpot when he recruited the two of us. It was like that until Jake and I started causing problems—because of girls.

“During my freshman year, I hooked up with girls pretty regularly. I was a typical college jock, I guess. But things changed sophomore year. I started off focused on football again, even to the point where I sort of ignored my family. I was the big man on campus; I was unstoppable on the field and could get any girl I wanted. I had it all. Life was perfect—until Miller and I set our sights on the same girl.”

I take a deep breath. I don’t dare to look at Bella, choosing my clasped hands instead. It doesn’t help. Her gaze is burning holes into my skin. My heart has climbed all the way up my throat, and I can feel my pulse in my fingertips.

“What happened next?” she asks in a quiet voice, giving me the push I need to continue.

“Neither one of us had slept with her, and it quickly became a competition. He and I razzed each other, fucked with each other. Once, we got into a fight. It was stupid, but that’s when we really became rivals. Frenemies. We’d smile at each other while holding knives behind our backs, ready to strike any minute.

“Coach noticed. The team atmosphere became toxic, and being in my room was stressful. We were competitive, and neither of us wanted to be the one to back away, which added to an already enormous pile of problems. Miller was the one who suggested a solution: the first one to fuck her wins, and afterward we’d forget about the whole ordeal no matter what the results were.

“I won. It should’ve been the solution to our problem, a one-time thing. Instead, it started something way bigger and way darker. It became our routine: find a new girl and see who would score first. Sometimes it was me; other times it was Jake. On our more successful days, it was both of us. At the same time.”

I’ve broken out in a cold sweat, but I make myself look up at her. She has her arms wrapped around her middle, her face drained of color. My head pounds, making my vision blurry.

But I have to get it all out, regardless of how badly I want to shut up.

I take a shallow breath, my chest caving as I divert my attention back to my hands. “It lasted for two years. We visited Europe, where we continued our sick games. I didn’t think we were doing anything too bad, you know? It didn’t occur to me that we were using these girls, that we were treating them as if they didn’t deserve respect. I thought it was okay.”

In my periphery, Bella visibly shrinks, catching my attention. Her expression is distraught, and a dark energy lurks behind her irises. I was a disgusting pig back then, and now she knows it.

Fuck .

I’d do anything to make her see me the way she did before, but it’s not possible. If I want her in my future, I have to tell the truth, and so I open my mouth and continue.

“Things really took a turn during our senior year. On my way to class one day, I bumped into a girl…a very beautiful girl. Her name was Stacey. We’d had the occasional class together, but I’d never paid much attention to her. This time, though, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. From that moment on, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. So, I invited her out for coffee.”

A ghost of a smile quirks my lips, but it disappears almost instantly as the vivid memories reappear in my mind.

“Stacey was smart and gentle. She had a kind heart and always wanted to see the good in people. What I felt for her was different than anything I’d ever experienced before. As I got to know her, the parties, the alcohol, the hookups—they didn’t mean anything. When we officially started dating, I abandoned that altogether. I focused more on my grades, and Coach was thrilled with my performance on the field, as well as my attitude.

“Audrey met Stacey when she came home with me for winter break; my sister absolutely adored her. They became friends pretty quickly, and for the first time in my life, it didn’t bother me that Audrey was meddling. I was happy.

“Jake, on the other hand, was not. He became my worst enemy. Sabotaging me. Bad-mouthing me. Giving me shit constantly. Calling me a pussy for changing my ways. I didn’t care. I was done with him and our friendship, but he wasn’t done with me.”

Bella kneads her chest with the heel of her hand, watching me with a pained expression. Everything in me crumbles, the truth wrecking me all over again.

“Miller started flirting with Stacey, making suggestive comments and touching her inappropriately. I told him to stop, more than once. He never listened. He swore Stacey was no different from all the other girls we’d been with, and he promised to prove it to me. One day, I walked into our dorm room and caught them fucking on my damned bed?—”

“Oh my God,” Bella gasps, her hand flying to her mouth. Unshed tears glimmer in her eyes.

I lick my dry lips, locking my hands back in front of me. “I was pissed. Well, no—I was heartbroken. I went home. I needed to be with my family. Stacey called me, sent me text after text. I deleted them without reading. I didn’t want to hear anything from her. I felt betrayed, and I promised I’d never let any girl make me feel like that again. I was bigger than that. I was Alexander Walker, a winner, not a loser. I got over it.

“What’s crazy is that things between Miller and me chilled out after that. He said he did it to prove I couldn’t trust her. I didn’t believe him, not for a second, but for the sake of my future, I made my peace with it.

“Two months later, Stacey sent me one simple message. All it said was, ‘Goodbye.’ I couldn’t tell you what made me go to her room. I hadn’t spoken to her, and yet…I rushed over.”

My throat closes before I can get the next words out. The image of blood on the tile, of her in the bathroom, haunts me to this day. The nightmares still make me sick to my stomach. They’re just as vivid as they were back then. No amount of therapy, no amount of support from my family, has helped me forget what I saw. Because I ruined her life.

“She… Stacey tried to commit suicide. She slit her wrists. I did everything I could to keep her alive. Fuck, I was so scared. I rushed her to the hospital, and the doctors were able to save her. She recovered physically, but I don’t think she ever did mentally.

“Her mother thanked me for saving her, and she begged me to talk to her daughter, to listen to what she had to say. I did, for her and for me…I needed closure. That’s how I found out that Miller had drugged her. He made her believe she was with me. Miller broke her because he couldn’t handle the idea that there was someone in my life more important than him. It was a betrayal in his mind, and he wanted to make me pay. So, he used Stacey. He ruined our relationship like it was nothing.

“I broke his nose the day I talked to Stacey for the last time. He apologized, over and over, but it wasn’t enough. It’s never been enough. I wanted to make him pay for what he did.”