Page 12

CHAPTER 12

WITHOUT YOU

BELLA

August

After downing my fourth tequila shot, I slide off the barstool and follow Meg downstairs to the dance floor. The EDM makes my body buzz with excitement. It’s catchy, with just the right beat for dancing. The bass reverberates through me, making my heart thump fast and hard as a gazillion goosebumps scatter across my skin. I make my way through the crowd, swaying my hips to the rhythm. So senseless, yet so good at the same time.

I have no idea what time it is; it’s so easy to lose track in a place like this. From the moment Meg and I hit the dance floor, Marco has kept us company. I excuse myself and order another shot, and as I make my way back to my friend, I search for Jake. I still haven’t seen him or Xander.

Whatever . I’m annoyed, but I don’t want it to ruin my mood, so I choose to focus on having a good time with my best friend instead.

When a palm lands on my butt, I spin, expecting to find my boyfriend. Instead, a sloppy drunk stranger is here.

I step back and shoot him a glare. “Excuse me?”

“Sorry, but the way you move your hips is just soooooooo sexy. I couldn’t help myself.” His lips ease into a goofy smile.

I tell him to get lost, annoyed that my boyfriend isn’t at my side to do it for me. How sad is it that Jake is here, yet I need to deal with drunk guys on my own? He’d rather hang out with his buddies than me.

I need to find him. He should’ve at least checked on me—no, he should be with me.

Muscles tense with frustration, I stride over to Marco and tap his shoulder.

He squints at me, a smile playing on his lips. “What’s up?”

“Have you seen Jake?”

“I have,” Meg cuts in. She jabs her thumb over her shoulder. “He was over there a few minutes ago. I noticed him while you were upstairs.”

“You’re the best.” I press my sweaty cheek to hers and kiss the air.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’m fine.” I march in the direction Meg pointed, trying to politely squeeze past others on my way. I’m so focused on pushing through the crowd that at first the sight in front of me doesn’t register. When it does, I zero in on Jake, who is talking to a girl with red curls. He has his arm casually wrapped around her waist, and her palm is pressed to his chest.

Hands balled into fists, I storm straight for them, only stopping when I’m a step away.

The girl is the first to notice me. She knits her brows together in confusion, clearly unaware of who I am. “Can we help you?”

Rage turns my vision red. “How sweet. We ,” I grit out.

That’s when Jake finally notices me. As if in slow motion, his eyes widen, and in one move he releases the woman and takes an abrupt step away. If only I had showed up a few minutes later—he would’ve probably had his tongue down her throat.

“Fuck you, Jake.” Turning on my heel, I storm to the exit, ignoring him as he calls my name. I have no interest in hearing his excuses.

“Bella?”

At the sound of the familiar voice, I come to a stop. Xander stands with Meg and Marco, exactly where I left them. Where did he come from?

“Isabella!” Jake yells catching up to me. “That wasn’t what you think.” He grabs my hand and spins me to face him, his grip tight enough to make me wince. “Regina is just a friend.”

A bitter laugh escapes my lips. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“Why would I lie?” With every word, his voice gets higher, and he digs his fingers into my flesh. “If I ever cheated on you, do you think I could keep it a secret? The truth always comes out. Always. I wouldn’t risk our relationship, I swear.”

“What’s going on?” Xander steps up to us, standing tall beside me.

“Isabella saw me with Regina and thought I was cheating on her,” Jake snaps, his face red with anger.

“If she were just a friend, you wouldn’t have had your arm around her. You wouldn’t have looked like you’d been caught with your pants down,” I grind out, my voice trembling. Unbearable hurt finds its way into my heart, crawling under my skin. Nothing I do will ever be enough. All my life, I’ve known this. I’ll never have love. I’ll never be cared about. I’m disposable, easy to toss when people get bored. “That was why you didn’t want me to come.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he barks, practically vibrating.

Potent fury sinks into me, locking my muscles, making my body tense.

Hopeless, I glance at Xander. His eyes are trained on Jake, his irises a stormy blue.

“Regina hangs out with the team all the time. She is just a friend. Nothing more.”

Xander looks down at me and gives his head a slight shake.

A wave of confusion washes over me. Is he trying to tell me Jake is lying? My emotions are all over the place, and the fact that I’ve been drinking only makes the situation more complicated.

“I want to go home.” Shoulders pulled back, I clear my throat and look at Jake. “Without you.”

I need space. I need time to consider what I want from this relationship. If I even want to stay in this relationship.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jake demands, a frown etched onto his face.

Xander steps in front of me like a human shield and puts his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “I’ll take Bella wherever she wants to go. The two of you can talk tomorrow.”

“Walker, what the fuck?” Jake swats at his friend’s hand, shifting a little so he can see me.

“Trust me, this is the best solution. Give her time to think. Get your shit together.” He squares his shoulders, straightening his back. His body, so close to mine, emits power, making my heart beat faster.

Xander is standing up for me. Holy shit. This is the first time in my life someone who isn’t Meg or my aunt or Ben has done that.

“She clearly doesn’t want to listen to you right now.”

Jake curses under his breath and focuses his attention on me. “I expect you home tomorrow morning.”

I snort. “You expect me?”

“Why are you looking at me like that? How can we fix things if you’re?—”

“Bella will be home tomorrow,” Xander says, “if she’s ready to see you. But you can’t force her.”

Jake’s nostrils flare, his lips twisted into a deep scowl. “Fine.” Wheeling around, he makes his way upstairs to the VIP section.

Xander turns to look at me and angles in close. “Ready to go?”

“Y-yeah, thank you,” I stammer, hand pressed to my chest. I’m still stunned. Nothing makes sense.

Quickly, I snap myself out of it and head for the exit, eager to get away from this place.

Why am I still with him? I should find an apartment and move out.

Meg rushes over to me, clutching my hands in hers, searching my face. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I sneak a glance at Marco, who stands a few feet away from us. “At least one of us can still have a great time.”

“Izzy…”

My chest tightens at the concern on her face. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll rest and think things through. I promise.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hug her tight. “Call you tomorrow.”

“I’ll be waiting,” she whispers. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I kiss her cheek and step back.

With a hand on my back, Xander leads me through the throng of people. The music is loud, echoing in my ears, spreading through my body.

When I agreed to come tonight, I didn’t expect things to play out this way.

As soon as I step outside, I take a deep breath, letting my shoulders slump.

“I’m sorry, Bella.” Xander’s deep, penetrating whisper in my ear sets my whole body on fire, enveloping me in warmth.

I assess him. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

He shrugs. “Where am I taking you? Or do you want to go home and stay in the guest bedroom?”

Only then does it hit me. Shit . I drop my head into my hands and resist the urge to cry.

“Hey.” He grabs my wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have keys.” I hold up my tiny purse, nibbling on my bottom lip.

Xander looks me up and down, and a gentle smile blooms on his lips. “Milo will be thrilled to see me back this early, especially with you in tow.”

My heart surges at the idea. The anger coursing through me is dampened by the confusing emotions that only stir when Xander is involved. I honestly don’t know how to deal with them. I’m a mess, and I feel exposed. It’s not how I want to feel, especially alone…with him.

“I’m not sure,” I drawl, head down, inspecting my shoes.

“I am.” Again, he puts his hand on the small of my back and ushers me down the sidewalk. Once we climb into his Porsche, I stare blankly out the window. Being distant with him should help. Otherwise, I’m liable to do something stupid.

“Did you have a good time?” Xander asks as he pulls out onto the road.

With a scoff, I turn to him. “Oh yeah. I especially enjoyed finding my boyfriend with another girl. It was the highlight of my night.”

“I’m glad to see the real Bella is back.” He smirks, though he remains focused on the road. “So sarcastic. Why do I get the feeling you’re only like this with me?”

The nerves that always plague me in his presence are back. He’s got me there. Something about him makes me irrational.

I ignore him and answer his first question. “I enjoyed my time on the dance floor. Meg and Marco kept me company, so that was good.”

“Even though you don’t like crowds?”

I groan and look out the window. After everything that went down, why did he have to bring that up? And more importantly, why does he sound like he cares?

“Like I said, I’m more comfortable in smaller groups, but it’s not like I can’t be in a crowd. I’ve had years to get used to it.” I fold my arms across my chest.

“Years?” he asks. “What happened?”

Hints of that old panic bubble up inside me, but I force them down again. “I don’t want to talk about it. I hardly know you.”

“Okay.” That’s all he says; he doesn’t push me to open up.

The farther we get from the club, the more curious I get. Xander left his own party to help me. He stood up for me despite his friendship with Jake. They’ve been friends for close to a decade, and they’re teammates. Still, he picked me.

“Why did you do that?” I swallow my nerves, locking my hands in my lap. “It was your party, but you left it for me. Why?”

“Because I have my own plans.” He winks at me, a smug smirk playing on his lips.

I frown, annoyed by the secrecy. “Are you going to enlighten me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I hardly know you,” he quips, using my own words against me. Smart-ass .

“Whatever.” I straighten in my seat and watch the city pass by out the window.

“I did what was right,” he says eventually. “Miller is an arrogant asshole who can’t look past his own selfishness. He gave you zero reason to believe him, and the fucker didn’t even apologize. He said he didn’t cheat on you, but his actions make it look as if he’s lying. Then he expected you to instantly believe him.”

I am stunned. That’s what I’ve been thinking. It shouldn’t be like this. Jake is the one who should be cognizant of my feelings, yet Xander is the one who gets me.

Suddenly, his comment about how I would have to be the one to cross my own boundaries comes back to me, along with a sense of dread.

I’m afraid I just might do that.