Page 15

CHAPTER 15

LIES

BELLA

August

With a deep inhale, I knock on the front door. Since I don’t have my keys, I can’t slip in. That means I’ll have to come face-to-face with Jake immediately. I have no idea what to say or what I want from him. Apologies, maybe? Explanations? Reassurance? I still haven’t processed what I saw last night.

When he appears, he breaks into a relieved smile and hauls me into his chest. I let myself relax into him, winding my hands around his torso. He’s my Jake. My friend. My first love. I want to give him a chance to explain himself, and I’m willing to listen.

“Hey,” I mumble into his T-shirt.

“Hey, babe.” He kisses my forehead before tilting my chin up to look at him. “You have no idea how worried I was when you didn’t respond to my texts. I’m so glad you’re finally here.”

He guides me inside, where the TV is turned up loud and a pizza box lies open on the coffee table. Seriously? I don’t expect him to grovel, but he’s acting as if nothing happened between us.

My chest pinches as I take in the room.

Am I overreacting?

We sit side by side on the couch, and I turn to look at him. “How was the rest of your night?”

“I went home right after you left.”

“Really?” A bolt of surprise hits me. He’s the guy who closes down the club, and as pissed as he was when I left, I figured he’d really let loose.

“Babe, I don’t fucking care about the party. After you left, I realized what I’d done,” he mutters, hanging his head low. “I left you all alone for the whole evening. I didn’t think about what it must have been like for you. I was a selfish, arrogant asshole.”

Stunned, all I can do is blink. I didn’t think I’d get any sort of apology. It’s so not like him. But here he is, acknowledging his wrongdoings. Wow.

He turns to face me and grasps my hands. “Regina is just my friend. She works at the club. If you went out with me sometimes, you’d know her too. I…I flirt with her, but it doesn’t mean shit.” He leans in closer, peering at me through his dark lashes. “Do you trust me?”

Unbidden, a memory swirls in my head.

My mother sits at the kitchen table, a glass of prosecco in her hand. She’s staring at me with displeasure written all over her face.

“You want something from me, but you never want to do anything in return. You’re an ungrateful little bitch, Isabella. You only care about yourself. So, no, you can’t go to Disneyland with Meghan and her family.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Go to your room. I can’t even look at you right now. You’re ruining my mood.”

I leave the kitchen; my eyes are trained on the floor. There are no tears—they dried up long ago—but I feel emptier than I usually do. Meghan’s mom called mine and asked if I could go with them. She even offered to pay for me since it’s Meg’s birthday. My mom called me into the kitchen and glared at me as she told Meg’s mom that no, I couldn’t go. Once she hung up, she told me it was my fault. I wasn’t doing enough. I never do enough, no matter how hard I try.

She’s never happy with me.

I should do more. Help more. Be useful. Stop causing trouble.

Can I really be angry with Jake for flirting with this woman when I’m never there for him? When I refuse to go to parties and always skip the club?

No, I can’t.

I should be putting more effort into our relationship.

“Y-yeah,” I stammer.“I trust you.”

With a grin, he scoops me up and pulls me into his lap, pressing his lips to mine. Relationships take work, and they can be complicated. Both partners need to make the effort, to be more understanding of each other’s needs and feelings. By stepping back and avoiding the things that interest him, I’m not showing him just how much I care about him. We’re both at fault, and if we want to build a strong foundation, we need to change our habits.

I want to give this relationship one more chance.

He nuzzles my neck, leaving a trail of light kisses over my throat. “You made me jealous. Why did you go to Xander’s house instead of coming home? I figured you’d just sleep in the guest room.”

“I didn’t have keys with me.” I sigh. “And I didn’t have any other choice at two in the morning, so he let me sleep in his guest room.”

“He’s a good friend, and you seem to have grown on him.”

At his words, a heat that has nothing to do with Jake or the way he’s holding me rushes through my veins. The memories of Xander set my skin aflame.

“Where were you today?”

“I hadn’t seen Aunt Millie in forever, so I went over there.” I close my eyes, trying to force myself to enjoy the way his thumb caresses my skin. “She says hi.”

“Was Ben there?” He pulls back, startling me.

I give him an awkward smile. “Yeah.”

He shakes his head. “He never liked me.”

A pang of guilt hits me, making me grimace. “Unfortunately.”

I’m tempted to ask him about what Ben told me today, about the frenemies situation and Jake’s broken nose. But if I bring it up now, it’ll only lead to an argument.

“It’s kinda strange, you know? I’ve never wronged him.” He pulls me onto his lap so I’m straddling his legs. “Why do you think he doesn’t like me?”

With one hand on his chest, I pull back and arch a brow. “You really don’t know why?”

For a moment, he frowns, then a look of understanding crosses his features. “It’s because of our breakup in high school. Isn’t it?”

“Not so much the breakup but what you did after that. For someone who claimed to be crazy in love with me, you moved on incredibly fast.”

That part of our past doesn’t bother me. I’m the one who ended things. He was leaving for school, and I didn’t want to hold him back. So I made the decision for both of us, and, in all honesty, it was the right choice.

“You know I didn’t date anyone in college.” He drinks me in, his expression lascivious as he grips my hips hard. “It was just sex; my heart has always belonged to you.”

My stomach drops. “Liar.” Just the other day, when he mentioned his rivalry with Xander, he said it was because he dated a girl Xander liked.

Before I can call him out, he pulls me in, his lips covering mine. He slips his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss. But that unease niggles at me, making it impossible to lose myself in the desire that usually flares to life when he touches me.

“Jake…” I breathe as he kisses my jaw.

“Babe, I don’t want to talk anymore. I want you,” he murmurs, his hot breath on my skin.

“You said you dated a girl Xander liked,” I blurt out.

Abruptly, he pulls back, his eyebrows pinched together. “Er, what?”

“You told me the two of you liked the same girl, that she chose you. That you were dating.” I study him, watching his reaction, noting the way he rapidly blinks. “You said you dumped her. But in order for you to break up with someone, you need to date them. Right?”

“Theoretically, yes, but–er, it was just…sex?” His tone is full of uncertainty, his eyes pleading with me to drop the subject. “It was nothing serious. I slept with her, went on a few dates. I didn’t consider her my girlfriend.”

Jake has always been a terrible liar. He’s too vague, and when I fish for details, it’s nearly impossible for him to provide them; he can say one thing, then totally contradict himself later. I’ve caught him in lies more than once, but they’ve always been innocent, so they were easy to disregard. This one, though, is much harder to minimize.

“What’s with all the questions? My college days are in the past. You’re my future.” He sits up on the couch, taking my face in his palms. “You’re the only person I want. I love you.”

It’s not the first time Jake has told me he loves me, and yet I can’t find it in me to say it back. It’s as if my heart is full of ice, incapable of love, yet I crave it. It’s been my drug of choice since I realized my own mother doesn’t hold an ounce of love for me.

Maybe if I tell him I love him, it will get easier. Maybe I’d believe it.

“I…I love you too.” The lie slips out easily, yet nothing inside me changes. It’s like paying the utility bills every month. Mundane. A task to be crossed off a list.

“Isabella.” His voice cracks as he inches closer to me. He stares at me, as if he’s afraid to blink. With his mouth a hairsbreadth from mine, he runs his tongue over my bottom lip, and I suck in a breath.

Eyes twinkling with playfulness, he pulls back. Then he dives in for real, his mouth covering mine. His kiss isn’t urgent or forced—on the contrary, it’s very gentle. Our lips move together, slowly and in total sync. Moaning softly, I finally let go of the worries that are plaguing me and wind my hands around his neck.

I don’t have any desire to continue interrogating his college life. His lies. I don’t want to care about anything right now.