Page 22

CHAPTER 22

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BITCH

BELLA

October

My racing thoughts kept me up all night. I’ve been staring at the ceiling for hours, and now that it’s light in Xander’s guest room, I prop myself on my elbow and grab my phone. It’s still in airplane mode.

Before I turned it off, I gave Meg a heads-up and texted Ben and told him to email me if he needed anything. Because they’re incredible friends, they were supportive. They offered to help in any way they could, though neither one liked that I wouldn’t tell them where I was. Thankfully, they eventually let it go.

I lie back and take a deep breath. Everything’s going to be fine. I did the right thing. After all I’ve been through with Jake, I need to take this step back and reevaluate.

All night, anxiety plagued me. He won’t react well when I break the news to him, but I can do it. I’ve been through much worse.

I should’ve brought more of my things, but I was afraid he’d come home any minute, and I wasn’t sure Xander would let me stay. Hiding may be childish, but I can’t risk confronting Jake until I’ve figured out how to break up with him for good.

Despite the concerns I can’t shake, I feel secure here. Xander has a way of doing that, but I fear it may be causing a whole new host of issues. Because I like him. A lot. Way more than I should like a friend.

Telling him about my parents was easier than I thought it would be. I should’ve guessed, knowing how safe I feel with him. It’s as if nothing can hurt me when he’s around, like I can be myself without judgment.

After the run-in with my mom, my emotions threatened to boil over. Turns out anger and disappointment only fueled my determination. I left the house without a word, leaving it to Jake to explain my disappearance. I have no doubt he came up with some bullshit story in which he doesn’t look like the bad guy.

The fifteen minutes I spent in my mother’s presence brought up all kinds of memories I’d suppressed. I can’t remember ever feeling like my mother actually loved me. According to Aunt Millie, my parents were happy together and thrilled when I was born, but when my dad died, my mom became a different person.

After that, she scolded me for every slight misstep. All I wanted was for her to love me, to be there for me when I needed her, but she never was. After she met Kevin, she paid even less attention to me.

Years later, I still feel like a burden, an inconvenience to those around me, useless and weak. I’d give anything to go back and change things?—

A sniffing sound on the other side of the door cuts through my thoughts. Instantly, my heart lifts. Smiling, I throw the blanket aside, but before I can stand, hurried steps stop me.

“I told you I’m taking you for a walk,” Xander says. “Let Bella sleep, buddy.”

I grin at the way he speaks to his dog. His affection is clear in every word.

A moment later, the front door closes, and I haul myself out of bed, pulling on a pair of blue shorts and a white tee.

Last night, Xander insisted he didn’t need anything from me, but I want to repay his kindness. Surely he won’t mind if I make breakfast, right?

In the kitchen, I find he already started the coffee, so while I wait for it to brew, I search the pantry for what I need.

* * *

“What do you want to watch next?” I ask a shirtless Xander, who’s sitting beside me on the couch.

Since breakfast—blueberry pancakes, which he loved—he hasn’t left my side, save for taking a call from his mom. We’ve spent hours talking, laughing, and watching Netflix, and what blows my mind is that he acts like he’s enjoying my company. He wants to be here with me.

“Whatever you want.” He pops a cherry tomato into his mouth and winks. “I’ll watch whatever you want.”

“Be careful, or you may sentence yourself to an anime marathon.”

He lifts a shoulder, unbothered. “Cool. I like anime.”

Laughing, I swat his chest. The craziest kind of heat flows through my veins the second my fingers brush his bare skin. “Liar. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

Xander grabs the remote from the coffee table and scrolls through the list of movies. “Hm,” he says noncommittally. “Do you want something specific?”

“ Spirited Away .” I beam, pulling my legs under my butt. “I’ve seen it at least a dozen times, and I still love it.”

“Okay, if you say so.” With a serious look on his face, Xander skims through the movies.

I use this moment to study him. Impossibly long eyelashes frame his deep blue-green eyes, and there’s the tiniest smattering of freckles over his nose and cheeks. For the first time, I realize there’s a little scar crossing his eyebrow. So many new things, the smallest details… I’m devouring every bit of information I find about him.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

Busted.

I smile through the embarrassment. “Just observing you.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t get you.”

“Really? I’m an open book when I’m fed, hydrated and my needs are taken care of. There’s nothing to get.”

He watches me in silence, his finger hovering over the Play button.

My needs are taken care of? Why the hell did I say that?

I worry my bottom lip, wondering how to play it off, and his gaze instantly drops to my mouth. A powerful rush of energy travels between us, and heat pools in my lower abdomen.

“So this is…the happy version of you?” Xander breaks the silence, arching an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh.” A full-blown smile blooms on my lips. “And I’ll be even happier if you agree to watch anime with me.”

With a chuckle, he presses play, though within minutes his phone buzzes, and he pauses it again. He snatches the device from the coffee table and stares at the screen, his lips collapsing into a frown.

He turns the screen to face me, and when Jake’s name registers, my stomach twists painfully.

“Hey, man.” Xander puts the call on speaker, his focus intent on me but his tone easy.

“Hey, Walker.” Jake’s booming voice vibrates through me, and I shudder. “How about hitting the gym in a few hours? Might be good before tomorrow’s practice.”

“That’s a great idea, but I’ll pass.”

“For fuck’s sake, don’t tell me it’s because of some chick. I already heard that bullshit from Garcia.”

“Well, actually, yeah. I have a guest, and hanging out with her is far better than hitting the gym.”

He bursts out laughing. “Is it Cindy? She was asking about you the last time I saw her. She definitely has her eye on you.”

Breath caught in my lungs, I gape at Xander. Jake claimed he didn’t remember who Cindy was. It just confirms what I’ve known all along: He’s nothing but a liar.

“No,” Xander says, his tone a little sharper. “It’s not Cindy.”

He snorts. “Your loss. She’s great in bed.”

Xander’s gaze focuses on me. He’s studying my reaction to Jake’s words, his expression intense, tearing down all my walls and staring right at my battered soul.

“No offense, but I prefer the company I’ve got,” Xander says.

“What does she look like? Maybe I know her.”

He searches my face, as if he’s memorizing every detail. “She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

My cheeks heat.

“Too cheesy, dude.”

“How was your mom’s party?”

Relief washes over me when Xander changes the subject, and I can’t help but wonder whether Jake thinks I’m at home.

“It was good. Stayed up too late drinking with my dad,” he mutters. “I’m on my way home now.”

“I thought Isabella was with you.” Xander puts his hand on my knee and squeezes it lightly, tipping his head to the side.

“She was, but then she pulled her usual shit. Played the victim and bolted, leaving me to deal with my parents,” he grumbles. “I tried calling her, but her phone is off. She’s probably at her aunt’s. If it wasn’t for the game on Sunday, I would’ve headed to the club after the party, to have a little fun before having to deal with her again. The girl has looks, and she’s great in bed, but, man, she drives me nuts.”

Xander holds my gaze and says, “Then why don’t you break up with her?”

“Are you fucking insane? Why would I do that?” Jake laughs. “She lives with me. I’m gonna pop the question soon, and then I’ll just knock her up again and again and again.”

“Ah, so she’s gonna be your trophy wife then?” Though his tone is cheerful, the look on his face is murderous.

“Glad you get it.” The laugh Jake lets out crawls inside my skull and makes my vision blurry. “Anyway, have fun with your bitch. I’m heading to the gym.”

When the call ends and we’re plunged into silence, I realize I’m trembling. I hug myself tighter, but the shaking only grows stronger. Such a short call, but so many things to unpack.

Xander wipes his hands on his sweatpants and exhales deeply. “Are you okay?”

“So he did sleep with Cindy.”

He shifts, threading his fingers through his hair. “Sounds like it, but I’m not really in the loop when it comes to that shit. Especially after he found out what I told you about her.”

“And maybe because of your history. What happened there? Ben said?—”

“I promise I’ll tell you everything. Just not right now.”

Disappointment forms like a lead ball in my gut. “You want me to open up to you, but you’re not doing the same.”

“Bella, I will. I just need some time to work up the nerve. I worry it’ll change things.” He curls his hands into fists but quickly loosens them again.

“Whatever.” I sigh and take the remote from him. “Let’s watch the movie.”

The last thing I want is to tank my mood further.