Page 33

CHAPTER 33

DOESN’T A WINNER DESERVE A KISS?

BELLA

November

Mindlessly, I walk down the hallway in the stadium, breathing in and out to calm myself. The anger inside me grows stronger, mixing with disappointment. I should’ve known Jake would pull some trick on me, but I was too busy getting lost in my own head, too upset he was ordering me around about attending the game while I wanted to end things on my terms.

And he did it again.

I chose the safest option and went along with his proposal, but I’m still going to break up with him today. His little trap bothers me less and less with each passing second, though my frustration with myself only grows. I can’t believe I let everyone think I’m gonna marry him.

I let Xander believe it.

My heart constricts painfully. I hurriedly blink away the tears veiling my eyes.

What does Xander think of me now?

Halting in my tracks, I turn and press my back to the wall. I hang my head low and breathe. My reaction today came from the deeply rooted beliefs of my childhood, just like my reasons for staying with Jake. I want so desperately to be loved, I fooled myself into thinking abuse was my love language. I confused someone’s presence with love. Confused sex with love.

Anything to make me feel wanted.

I was starved of love for years, and Jake filled me to the brim with his manipulations and gaslighting. He excels in his art of putting the blame on me, of turning tables and making me believe I was wrong.

It hurts so much, but I only have myself to blame.

I need therapy. I can’t handle it on my own.

“Running away again?”

Breath hitching, I look up and come face-to-face with Xander. A small smile pulls at my lips. He’s still in his jersey, number seventeen; his hair is a mess, and his eyes gleam with something I don’t recognize.

“I needed to think.”

His shoulders droop. “Miller is boasting in the locker room about how he got himself a fiancée.”

“I can imagine.” With Xander this close, the rigidness of my muscles loosens a little. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m alright.”

He frowns like he doesn’t believe me, his blue-green eyes slowly wandering over my face.

“I’m being honest.”

“Have you already forgotten that I can see right through you?”

“You’re—”

“Unbelievable? Yeah, the most stunning girl in the world has told me that a few times already.”

He says it so simply, and my whole body comes to life. My skin buzzes with the need to tell him.

I love him, but I can’t let him risk his career over this. Over me.

“Are you riding with Meg?” He peers over his shoulder, as if looking for her.

“No. I’m waiting for Jake.”

His only response is the narrowing of his eyes.

Unease ripples through me, but I clear my throat and straighten. “Thank you for checking on me, but I think you should go. You don’t want anyone to see you with me.”

“Since when do I care what people think?” He arches an eyebrow, stepping closer.

Butterflies take flight in my belly. I’m not sure whether they’re from nerves or excitement. Maybe it’s both, but it’s not a good combination. It has caused me a lot of trouble in the past.

“Why did you say yes? Do you really want to be with him?” His questions come in a pained voice, and my knees give out. Thankfully, there’s a wall behind me.

“Xander,” I whisper, my throat clogging.

“Why didn’t you say no?”

“He did it on purpose…right in front of everyone, so I’d agree.”

His jaw ticks, but he keeps his tone even. “You could’ve said no.”

“You don’t understand.” I shake my head. “He was angry when I left him at his mom’s party. Can you imagine how furious he’d be if I said no in front of his teammates? I was afraid of what he’d do if I publicly humiliated him, because that’s exactly how he would’ve seen it. And so I said yes…even though I meant no.”

Xander swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “I understand. You did what was right…but I don’t like it.”

“I’m sorry.” I clasp my hands together to stop myself from reaching out. Then I step away from the wall and move around him so I can return to the family waiting area. “You should go. I heard you’re all going out. You were amazing out there today, and you deserve to celebrate your big win.”

“That win meant shit after Ben showed up to collect your things this morning. And now? After what happened with you and Miller?” He ducks his head and shakes it, hands clasped behind the nape of his neck.

I’m frozen in place. “Xander…”

“Doesn’t a winner deserve a kiss?” He looks up, blue eyes blazing.

Without giving myself a chance to overthink it, I cradle his face with my palms. The world around me is nothing but a blur, all sounds muffled like I’m underwater. There is only this man and me.

Leaning forward, I press my mouth to his. The second he parts his lips, I sweep my tongue between them, brushing his. He tastes like mint and smells like sandalwood mixed with cinnamon and comfort.

He wraps his strong arms around me, holding me firmly to his chest.

This kiss is passion in its purest form. Sizzling hot lava spreads through my veins and sets my skin aflame. He came to make sure I was okay even though my actions hurt him. God, it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of?—

“Alex!” a familiar voice echoes through the space.

I step back abruptly, my vision still clouded. Xander looks dazed, lips parted, breath harsh. I whirl around and lock eyes with Audrey.

“What the fuck?” Face flushed with anger, she storms toward us. “What if someone sees?” she hisses. “She just got engaged to your fucking teammate! Do you understand what would happen if word got out you were banging Miller’s girlfriend behind his back?”

Heat creeps up my neck.

“She’s not his girlfriend,” Xander bites out.

“Ha.” Audrey snorts. “Yeah, my bad—she’s his fiancée .”

He stomps forward until he’s nose-to-nose with his sister. “Stay out of it, Audrey. I know what I’m doing.”

“Alex.” Her voice softens. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

Xander runs a hand through his tousled hair and glances at me. “I’m fine,” he says as he skirts around her. Then he’s gone, striding down the hallway without looking back.

My chest is heavy. Shame. Guilt. Remorse. A cocktail of emotions brews inside me. It’s the last thing I need before I face Jake.

“The second you told me you were Miller’s girlfriend, I knew nothing good would come of you getting close to Alex,” Audrey hisses, balling her fists. “I wanted to be wrong because I saw how he looks at you, but I should’ve known better. Everything Miller touches is rotten, corrupted to the core with his filth. You are no exception.”

My heart lurches at the venom in her tone. “Audrey?—”

“Do you know what Miller did to Alex?”

Though it’s warm in here, goosebumps scatter all over my skin. I’ve gotten bits and pieces, but no, I don’t.

“He fucking broke him when they were in college.” She looks me up and down, scowling. “And it looks like you’re dead set on ruining the only thing he still loves. Football is everything to him. Do you not understand what would happen to his career if someone saw you with him the way I just did? Though,” she huffs a sardonic laugh, “if you’re as selfish as your fiancé, you probably don’t give a shit.”

I shake my head, taking a step back from her on instinct. “I had no idea Jake was going to propose. I came here to break up with him; my cousin is waiting for me at his house so I can collect my things.” The words rush out in one breath. My heart is drumming against my rib cage, and my hands are trembling. “I never wanted to hurt Xander?—”

“But you did ,” she spits. “You didn’t see his face when Miller dropped to his knee.”

My stomach twists into a painful knot. “I’m leaving Jake today. I’m done with him.”

“Then what? Are you going to keep living at Alex’s place?”

“No. I’m moving in with my aunt. I understand the risks, and I don’t want to hurt Xander’s career. I swear.”

Audrey watches me from under furrowed eyebrows. Eventually, she rubs her hands together and sighs. “Alex is as stubborn as a mule, and for some reason he’s willing to put his whole future at risk for you . So, come to my party. I invited you knowing it would make him happy. This is your chance to prove to me you’re nothing like Miller.”

I shuffle back another step. “You still want me to come?”

“Are you dumping Miller today?”

I nod, my breath catching.

“Then yes, I want you to come. I want to see what my little brother sees in you…and I better be convinced.” With that, she turns and leaves as abruptly as she came.

I remain rooted to the spot, my feet too heavy to move.

With a shake of my head, I breathe in and out through my nose, centering myself. I need to focus on the reason I came here in the first place. Breaking up with Jake is step one. I’ll deal with the rest once that’s done.

* * *

“Where were you staying?” Jake taps his fingers on the steering wheel as he waits for a red light to change.

I hit Send on my text to Ben, then slip my phone back into my purse. “Why does it matter?”

His expression darkens, and his eyes go hard. “I’m just compiling a list of people who lied to me about your whereabouts.” The light turns green, and he speeds through the intersection. “So far, I suspect it includes your aunt and your cousin.”

“Wrong.” I tell him my carefully prepared lie. “I knew if I went to Aunt Millie’s or Meg’s, you’d find me. I was staying at a hotel. Thankfully, there’s no shortage of them in Boston.”

“So you were hiding from me.”

“I was taking a break.” I fold my arms over my chest and watch the scenery go by. The sidewalks are busy, and the leaves on the ground mix in a kaleidoscope of reds, oranges, and yellows. Boston is full of life, full of vibrant colors. It brings a smile to my face and fills me with hope.

“Good thing your break is over,” he mutters, his lip curled.

I stay silent. Nothing I say will defuse the situation. We’re almost at his house, and soon this farce will finally be over.