Page 19

CHAPTER 19

I CARE ABOUT YOU

BELLA

September

Hands on the steering wheel, I stare at Xander’s house. The bathroom vanity should be delivered today, and I promised I’d be here for it.

But in all honesty, it’s the last place I want to be.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been holed up at Jake’s house. It’s the easiest way to avoid seeing people. I haven’t seen my aunt or Ben, though I’ve talked to him about work-related stuff. There’s a big event coming up, but luckily I could send invites and order food and supplies from home. The client is paying twice our usual fee since it was a last-minute arrangement, and Ben trusts me to handle it on my own. I even refused to go to the movies with Meg. All I want is to be alone, to avoid questions and lectures about my decision to be with Jake.

My phone buzzes with an incoming message, startling me out of my stupor. As I jump out of the car, a warm wind gusts over me, and a little smile prods at my lips. Though it’s September, it still feels like summer, and seeing as how summer slipped away from me this year, I relish the heat of the day.

As I approach the front door, I take Xander’s house key out of my purse. He asked Jake to pass it along to me, since we haven’t seen one another in weeks.

He probably thinks I’ve been ignoring him, and while that’s part of it, my bigger motivation has been to give myself time to find a solution to the situation I got myself into by moving in with Jake.

After days and days of mentally running through scenarios, I’m still at a loss, and it feels like my brain is about to explode.

He won’t let me go easily.

With a shake of my head, I banish those thoughts and force myself to focus on work.

* * *

An hour later, the vanity has been installed. It looks incredible. Once the mirror and a light fixture have been installed, the room will be complete. Unfortunately, I’ve shown Xander a dozen options for both, and so far, he hasn’t liked a single one.

When Milo darts out of the room barking, I follow and find Xander in the entryway. His dog is at his feet, jumping around and trying to get his attention. But he only has eyes for me.

My lips stretch into an uncontrollable smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He puts his duffel bag on the floor. “It’s been a while.”

“Two weeks.” I shrug. My heart picks up its pace, thrashing against my rib cage.A combination of nervousness and excitement courses through me, making my knees go weak. “Your bathroom is almost finished.”

“Really?” He crouches and continues to love on his dog. “So you found a mirror and a light fixture you think I’ll like?”

“Not yet.”

“Then it’s still nowhere close to finished.”

“You’re being a pain in the ass.” I laugh for probably the first time since I saw him two weeks ago.

“Maybe.” With a wink, he stands and steps closer. “Your boyfriend went to his parents’ house after practice.”

“I know.” I nod, my smile slipping away.

Xander narrows his eyes, his expression too damn knowing. “Have dinner with me.”

My heart stutters, and a hint of longing works its way through me. I fight the sensation. “That’s a bad idea. I better go.”

“It’s an amazing idea. I could really use the company. Pretty please?” He ducks his head and gives me puppy dog eyes.

“What’s your motive here? I need to know what I’m signing up for.” I squint, tilting my head.

“Hmm.” He taps his index finger on his bottom lip, and then his face lights up with the most handsome smile I’ve ever seen. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“Xander.” I drop my head back and groan.

He skirts me and strolls toward his bedroom, Milo scampering after him. “I’ll order pizza.”

I stay rooted to the spot, watching him go.

Is it a bad idea for me to stay? Yes. Will I regret it? No. Xander makes me feel safe. Pizza might be a good distraction too.

* * *

“Looks like we have similar tastes in just about everything, huh?” He grins, sipping on his juice.

I guffaw. “Other than margherita pizza, I’m not sure we have all that much in common.” I grin. “For instance, I don’t like grape juice.”

“What do you prefer?”

“Apple juice, or just water.”

“And what’s your favorite food of all time?”

Head tipped back, I survey the ceiling while I consider the question. “Probably mac and cheese. It’s so simple, but my aunt’s recipe is incredible.” I arch a brow. “What about you?”

“Oven-fried chicken with mashed potatoes. My mom’s is perfection. It’s crispy and spicy…” He closes his eyes, a crooked smile growing on his face. “Damn, even thinking about it makes my mouth water.” Straightening, he turns contemplative again. “What’s your favorite dessert?”

“Are we playing Twenty Questions or what?”

“Why not? We’re friends.”

Are we?

“We’re getting to know each other.” He lifts his shoulder, his dashing smile disarming me. “So, I’ll ask again: What’s your favorite dessert?”

“Lava cake,” I tell him, feigning annoyance when in reality I’m a thousand times happier than I’ve been in months.

“No way! Mine too.” Xander wiggles his eyebrows.

I burst into laughter. It’s impossible to remain serious around him.

“And what’s your favorite season? Mine is fall.”

“Spring,” I say. “Now it’s my turn to ask.” I tilt my head to the side and consider my options. Eventually, I ask, “What’s the most random thing you’ve ever bought online?”

He presses his lips together in thought. “A helmet,” he says. Then, in slow motion, the corners of his lips tip up. “For Milo.”

I rear back, my eyebrows pulling together. “What for?”

“For safety. I tried putting it on him once, but he just stared at me like I was the biggest disappointment of his life. I couldn’t blame him; he looked ridiculous.” Eyes shining, he leans forward. “If you were an ice cream flavor, what would it be?”

“Why is it always about food with you?” I shake my head.

With one finger pointed at me, he gives me a mock stern look. “I didn’t criticize your question about my online shopping, so please, no judgment.”

“Okay, okay.” Giggles bubble out of me, making me hiccup. “I’m sorry. I love chocolate ice cream, but cherry is a close second. My favorite would probably be a mix of the two.”

“I’ll remember that for next time. Chocolate is my favorite too.”

Next time . My heart tries to skip a beat, but I refuse to allow it. Instead, I roll my eyes.

“Why are you rolling your eyes at me? Did I say something stupid?”

I let out a long breath. “Just stop pretending, Xander. When your bathroom is finished, I’ll be out of your life for good.”

“You’re wrong about that.” He sets his pizza slice on the plate and wipes his mouth with a napkin.

“Other than your bathroom, the only thing we have in common is Jake, and I’m not—” I snap my mouth shut. Shit . I almost put my honest thoughts out there.

“You’re not what?” He shifts an inch closer. “Did you ask him about Cindy?”

Unease washes over me. “I did, and I told him what you said about her.”

“Oh.” He lifts his chin. “That explains why he’s been so hostile toward me.”

My unease turns into dread. Dammit . Once again, I’ve caused problems for someone who has been kind to me. All I wanted was for Jake to tell me the truth. I didn’t realize he’d retaliate?—

“Don’t look at me like that. Miller and I went through a lot of shit in college, so his little tantrum didn’t bother me at all. Besides, we’re good now. We’re in sync on the field. That’s what matters. Seriously, Bella, don’t worry about it.” The smile he gives me is meant to be reassuring, I’m sure, but it does nothing to calm the storm in my chest. “Anyway,” he says. “What did he say about Cindy?”

I clear my throat. “He claimed he couldn’t remember who she was, then swore that even if he did sleep with her, it was before me.” Lungs tight, I take a moment to force a deep inhale. “He said he isn’t cheating on me, that I was being ridiculous.”

Xander frowns, his foot tapping the floor. “Wait, so he said he didn’t remember her, told you he didn’t cheat on you, and that’s it? You believe him?”

With a nod, I pick up a napkin, needing an excuse to avoid his scrutiny.

“Do you realize how wrong this is?”

My stomach sinks. “Xander, don’t.”

“Miller is?—”

“It’s none of your business.” Teeth gritted, I stand.

He jumps to his feet too, the corners of his mouth tugged down. “But?—”

I scoff. “There are no buts.” Cursing myself and him, I stalk to the front door.

This was a mistake, one I keep making over and over.

“You’re not going anywhere when you’re upset like this.” He catches my elbow and whirls me around.

Anger boils in my veins. “Says who?” I pull my elbow out of his grip.

“Bella, please, stay .” His voice softens. “I-I’m trying to show you that I’m here for you no matter what. You rarely talk about yourself. Do you realize that? Tonight was the first time you opened up about the things you enjoy. You clearly don’t like being in the spotlight, and I don’t think you mind being alone, but you’re lonely. Opening up would be good for you. Like I said last time I saw you—sometimes it’s easier to talk to people we aren’t close with.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that, but in the end, no one stays.” The words spill out before I can stop them. Dammit . I swore I wouldn’t be vulnerable like this again. I suck in air, trying to push the tears away. Why am I crying in front of him? Oh my God.

Xander cuts the distance between us and takes my face in his palms. “I will stay. I’ll be here whenever you need me. I am your friend.”

For a long moment, he holds my gaze, exuding calm and focus. The heat of his skin on mine is like a brand, but I don’t pull back. Everything about him—his voice, his stance, the sincerity in his expression—makes me believe him. The realization shakes me to the core.

I wrap my arms around his torso and hide my face in his chest. Closing my eyes, I inhale and hold my breath. His sandalwood and cinnamon scent surrounds me, filling me with an unfamiliar feeling of comfort.

With his arms around me, he rests his chin on the top of my head. “You don’t have to tell me your secrets if you aren’t ready, but don’t close yourself off out of fear you won’t be understood. Sometimes, just talking about things helps.”

“Another tip from your therapist?” I ask.

He huffs a laugh. “No, it’s all me. I’m just that awesome.”

Slowly, I untangle myself from him. He lets me, taking a step back and smiling at me gently.

I can’t help but smile back.

“Finally.” He ducks a little so our eyes are level. “Do you feel better?”

I nod.

“Good. I knew my cuddles would have that effect.”

Laughter spills out of my mouth. “You’re something else.”

He’s so good at reading me.

What happens if I let him turn the page? I’m afraid to imagine it, because somehow, I’m sure he’ll be the one to carry all my secrets while also becoming one.

My phone buzzes in the living room, breaking the spell between us.

“You should answer that.” He lowers his gaze to his feet.

I dart to where I stowed my purse on the chair and dig it out, finding Jake’s picture on the screen. “Hey.”

“Hey. I’ll be home in about an hour.” Just the sound of his voice makes my body go numb. “Are you still at Xander’s?”

“Y-yeah, but I’m leaving now.” I keep my tone neutral. “See you at home.” I end the call and take a shaky breath. “I have to go.”

Xander takes a single step closer. “Bella?”

“Yes?” I tip my head and smile.

“Be careful with Miller,” he says, hiding his hands in his pockets. “He’s good at making people do what he wants.”

I lower my gaze to my hands, my chest caving. “Why are you so worried about it?”

“Because I care about you,” he says matter-of-factly.

My breath catches. “Xander,” I say, forcing myself to look up, “you don’t know the real me.”

“I beg to differ. You’re kind, smart, and funny. I feel good around you. It’s like you have this innate ability to lighten my mood. And you’re one of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever met.”

A grin tugs at my lips despite his warning.

“Just like I told you after the party…I don’t know you yet .”

I press my teeth into my bottom lip and shake my head. “For someone who isn’t interested in being in a relationship, you sure do pay a lot of attention to me.”

His jaw goes rigid. “I just care about my friends, that’s all.”

“Okay,” I breathe, taking a step toward the front door. “Bye.”

“Bye, Bella.” He slips his hands in his pockets, watching me with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

As I step out onto the porch, I can’t resist sneaking one last look at him. Instantly, I regret it. His hair is tousled, the stubble on his cheekbones visible even from here, and his tattoos only add an edge to his character. His presence brings me a kind of comfort and light I’ve never felt before, but it’s time to get back to reality.