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94

Summer

I creep into the dorm and head straight to my bedroom. The journal isn’t something I want Alice to know about. It’s not because I don’t trust her, but simply because of how destructive it is. I put the book in my wardrobe and draw a rune on the doors. It will keep the cabinet locked until I present my blood back to it. I wait until the rune stops glowing before leaving the bedroom.

“I’m back, Al!”

“Tequila!” Alice yells as she charges into the living room. She grabs the bottle from my hand and opens it, taking a deep drink. She eyes me suspiciously as she swallows. “You smell weird.”

I blink. “I do?”

Alice moves in closer and inhales deeply. “Yeah, like leather and bourbon.”

I take the bottle from her and take a few thoughtful sips. I tried to scent him when he dropped the avatar, but there was so much going on, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t.

“Stalker?”

I take another drink. “Stranger,” I correct, though I’m not sure why.

Alice snorts. “Stranger, then.”

I nod.

“You made up?”

I nod again and hand the bottle to Alice.

“How was it?” She asks before taking another swig.

“It was good. We nerded out over an old book.”

Alice rolls her eyes. “Of course you did.” She holds the bottle up. “To another semester.”

I take the bottle and hold it up before taking another drink. Alice cranks the music up, and we pass the tequila back and forth as we dance. The warm brown liquid quickly diminishes, and when it’s finished, we collapse on the couch, the room spinning pleasantly.

“What does he look like? Your stranger,” Alice asks.

The thought of him warms my insides more than the tequila.

“He’s big. Muscular.”

Alice looks at me. “Bigger than Connor?”

I nod, thinking about how he dwarfs my body with his.

Alice slides off the couch and stands up, stumbling a little. “Okay, tell me when to stop.” She raises her hand over her head, and when she can’t reach any higher, she stands on the couch. When her arm is fully extended, I get up and stand next to her, holding my hand higher than hers.

“You’re fucking kidding?”

I shake my head. “He’s about 6’8”, and all muscle.”

“That’s gigantic,” Alice says, dropping back onto the couch.

I nod. “And honestly, if his face matches his body, he’s hot as fuck,” I say, immediately regretting the words. Is that okay for me to think? Am I allowed to think other guys are attractive? Would I be okay with Connor being attracted to other girls? I think so. I trust him, and I know he’d never cheat.

“What do you mean if?” Alice asks.

“You know I don’t know what he looks like. I don’t know who he is.”

“Oh, yeah. The glamour.” Alice thinks for a moment. “Why?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. He’s a mystery.”

“Maybe he’s famous.”

“All I know is that he’s huge, smart, and powerful.”

“Hm.” Alice waves her hand, summoning a large whiteboard that hovers in front of us. My eyebrows raise, surprised she knows a summoning charm. “I’ve been practicing,” Alice says proudly. She waves her hand again, and half the whiteboard populates with information about the murders, including quotations, theories, and evidence. She stands and grabs the marker, drawing a line down the center of the board. On the blank side, she writes, Stranger at the top. “Okay, what else? Tell me more about him.”

“He’s got big hands,” I say, squinting at the board and all the information she’s collected. I had no idea she had been tracking the murders like this.

“Big hands/dick,” Alice says and nods, writing it beneath his name.

I scowl at her. “I didn’t say his dick was big.”

Alice glances at me over her shoulder, looking exasperated. “You said his hands are big. Well, that must be to hold his massive schlong.”

“Alice.”

“Ask him,” Alice says, turning to face me and putting her hands on her hips.

“I’m not going to ask him if his dick is big, Al,” I protest. But I can feel the alcohol in my system urging me to do it. My instincts and good sense are screaming at me that this is a bad idea, but there is something so decadently tempting about it.

Alice crosses her arms. “Do it, or I’ll do it from my phone.”

I curse and pull out my phone, opening our messages.

I see that he reads the message, but there is a long pause. I am starting to get nervous when his reply finally pops up.

I pause for a moment.

Fuuuuck.

“Well?” Alice asks, sitting beside me and reading the exchange over my shoulder. I cringe when she squeals in my ear. “Ask about the piercings! Ask about the piercings! Ask!”

“No, Al, I can’t. I shouldn’t have even asked that,” I hiss, glaring at her.

Alice grabs my phone and throws herself to the side, typing frantically. I lunge for her and tackle her to the floor, but it’s too late. She has already sent the message.

Alice groans and goes limp beneath me, and I just stare at my phone in horrified disbelief as heat curls deep in my core.

“You sure you can’t get a hall pass from Connor?” Alice asks.

I snatch my phone back and throw her a furious look before climbing off her. She immediately springs to her feet and rushes to the board. She writes, MASSIVE DICK WITH FOUR PIERCINGS.

I look down at my phone, flushing.

I reply, trying to sound nonchalant.

Alice sits back down beside me, practically vibrating with excitement when she reads his message.

“Ask him what he is!” she demands, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I start typing.

He doesn’t reply immediately, and I can almost hear him considering the risk.

Alice pouts. “Call him.”

I frown. “Why?”

Alice shrugs. “Why not?”

I’m unsure if it’s because I’m inebriated or just plain stupid, but her reasoning makes perfect sense, and it seems like the best idea in the world. I tap on the call button.

The line rings once before there is a slight click, and the call connects.

“Are you all right?” he asks, his deep, unfiltered voice flowing through the phone and straight to my core.

“Hi.”

“Are you all right?” he asks again.

I swallow. “Yes.”

I hear him exhale. “You don’t call me, so I was alarmed.”

Alice mouths, “Alarmed?” Then she writes on the board, Old?

I bite my lower lip. If only she knew. “I’m sorry that I… alarmed you.”

I hear him move. There is the sound of tightening leather as if he’s just sat down. “I don’t mind you calling. I’m just surprised.”

Alice writes, Hot voice. Glamourized?

“Don’t mind?”

I hear a cork being pulled from a bottle and then the sound of liquid being poured. “Such a brat,” he croons darkly, and I tighten my fingers on the phone. “Why did you call?”

I look at Alice, who is fanning herself. “I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

I hear him take a sip and then swallow deeply. “Hm.”

“What?”

“Surprised you called me and not your boy angel.” I hear the smirk in his voice, the satisfaction.

Every muscle in my body tenses. Fuck. “Right, well, I’ll let you go.”

“I didn’t mean for you to…” His words trail off, but I wait for him to continue, hoping he can justify this for me so I don’t have to.

He clears his throat, and I hear him shifting. “Talk to me. I enjoy hearing your voice.”

“You do?”

“I do.”

“Can I hear your voice? Your real voice?”

“You ask for dangerous things, little fae,” he says, and his voice changes only slightly. It’s deep, dark, dangerous, and seductive. I shiver, my breath catching in my throat. There is a slight lilt of an accent, though it’s not always there. It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before.

I blink at Alice, and she just gapes at me.

“Little fae?”

“Stranger.” My voice trembles slightly.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes,” I reply.

“Does my voice surprise you?”

“A little.”

“Why?” he asks, his voice a little tighter.

“It’s sexy.” The second the words leave my mouth, my eyes widen, and I quickly end the call. There was the line, and I crossed it. I fucking crossed it. I’ve crossed it all fucking night.

Alice laughs hard.

I yelp and throw my phone away.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Alice stops laughing and really looks at me. “I’ll go get more tequila,” she says when she sees my obvious upset.

I shake my head. “I need to go see Connor.”

“Okay,” Alice says, surprised.

“This was wrong, Alice. I don’t deserve Connor.”

Alice’s frown deepens. “Because you found another guy’s voice sexy?”

I stand up and leave the dorm, moving completely on autopilot. I crossed the line. I crossed the line. I crossed the line. I need to see Connor and tell him. I walk straight into the house. Connor is sitting on the couch playing a video game, but he looks up when I burst through the front door.

Luke jumps up. “I beat you!” he yells, his face pulled into a wide grin.

I walk straight to Connor and crawl into his lap, burying my face into his neck. I need to be close to him and give him affection. What I really need to do is apologize.

Connor drops the controller and wraps his arms around me. “Hi, babe,” he says, surprise lacing his voice.

I inhale his cloud scent and close my eyes, trying to enjoy these last moments of joy before everything ends. “Keep playing. Sorry,” I murmur into his neck.

Connor rubs my back and shifts, sitting back on the couch. I’m vaguely aware of Luke quietly leaving us alone. I cling to Connor’s t-shirt, holding on tight like he’s a life preserver, and I’m in the center of the ocean.

“I’m here, babe,” he says, and his kindness makes me feel even more terrible, even more guilty, even more unworthy.

“Con?” I whisper, and I almost hope he doesn’t hear it, allowing me another moment to hold this heinous truth to my chest.

“Yeah?” he asks, and I close my eyes in defeat.

“I love you,” I say, pathetically trying to buy myself more time.

“I love you, too.”

I cling to him tighter, and Connor kisses the top of my head.

I shake my head, nuzzling into him. “No kisses.”

Connor pulls back a little, but I keep my face pressed against him, refusing to meet his eyes. “What? Why?” he asks.

“Because I don’t deserve them,” I whimper.

“Babe.”

I press into him more, clinging to every second of this. Connor kisses my head and stroking my back.

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whisper against his neck.

“I love you, too. You smell like tequila.” Connor tucks his arm under my knees and easily pushes to his feet, carrying me upstairs.

I pull back as we reach the landing. “You should keep hanging out with Luke. I’m sorry.”

Connor shakes his head and kicks open his door. “I’d rather hang out with you.”

“Not for long,” I mumble under my breath.

Connor raises a brow and pushes his door closed before carrying me to the bed and sitting down with me in his lap. He cups my cheek and gently coaxes my head up so I’m looking at him.

He smiles softly. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Connor leans in and brushes his lips over mine. I ache from the kiss but pull back after a moment.

“What is it?” he asks, his brow furrowing.

I look away, my stomach twisting unpleasantly.

“Hey. Talk to me,” he says, pulling me tighter against his chest.

I lower my gaze, unable to look at his handsome, loving face as I tell him. “You know that friend of mine?”

Connor nods.

“Well, we hung out today. He gave me this really old fae book. We were nerding out about it.”

Connor laughs. “Sounds like you.” My heart warms at how his body doesn’t even tense as I’m talking about this other guy. The trust he has in me is devastating.

“Well, then I went home and was drinking with Alice and we were trying to work out more about him.”

“And that sounds like Alice,” Connor says, nodding.

“And I said he had big hands, which then made Alice think he has a big dick.”

Connor smirks. “That definitely sounds like Alice.”

“I don’t know what his dick looks like.”

Connor doesn’t say anything, and I finally look at him. He’s just watching me, waiting.

“Well, I kind of messaged him to tell Alice I didn’t know how big it was. And then Alice took the phone, and she messaged him about… Well, that doesn’t matter.” I blush, looking away. “So we were messaging him, trying to get information, and we ended up calling him…”

“Okay.”

“And I heard his true voice for the first time.”

Connor nods. “I didn’t know you hadn’t heard his voice before.”

I shake my head. “Not properly. He’s really funny about remaining anonymous.”

“And you… you think he’s safe?” Connor asks, concern clear in his voice.

I nod.

“Okay. Well, what did he sound like?”

“Well, his voice is really deep.”

Connor’s brows inch up his forehead. “Like he should be narrating those romance books you read all the time?”

“Yeah,” I reply. It’s kind of the perfect analogy.

“Okay, what else?”

“Well, his voice kind of took me by surprise, and I kind of said it was sexy.” I feel the shame coating the words. “It just slipped out, and I…” I whimper, burying my face against his neck. “I’m so sorry, Connor. I immediately hung up and ran here.”

Connor is still for a long moment before his arms tighten around me. “Babe. You know you’re being a little insane, right?”

I frown, pulling back to assess his expression.

He brushes my hair back from my face. “You think my voice is sexy, right?”

I lean into his hand. “So fucking sexy.”

Connor cups my cheek. “Do I love that you spoke to another guy about his dick? No. Do I love that you told another man his voice is sexy? Not particularly. But I know it’s not like you suddenly became blind and deaf when we started dating.”

Shock strikes me mute for a moment, and I just stare at him.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Y-you’re not going to break up with me?”

“What?” Connor sputters. “Over sending a stupid text and a phone call where you found another dude’s voice attractive? I also suspect tequila and your somewhat unhinged best friend heavily influenced the whole thing.”

I search his face, and when I can’t identify any signs of hurt or anger, I slam my lips to his. Connor groans, his fingers tunneling into my hair, but he soon pulls back.

“Babe. It’s all right.”

I shift to straddle him and kiss him again, my tongue sliding along the seam of his lips. Connor pulls back again. “Babe. I can taste the tequila.”

I pout, looking down at him.

“Why don’t I make you a sandwich?” Connor asks, and we both burst out laughing.