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20

Summer

“ W hat are you doing home?” Alice asks, appearing in her doorway. Her cheeks are flushed, and while she’s still wearing that blood-splattered onesie, it’s buttoned up wrong. I give her a look, and she leans on the doorframe, trying to fake nonchalance.

I tilt my head and drop my purse on the sofa. “I live here…”

“Yeah, right. I mean, why are you not with angel boy?” Alice frowns and glances behind her, waving frantically.

“I was,” I respond simply, pulling at my fingers as guilt surges inside me. I don’t feel good about not staying with Connor and leaving in the middle of the night. But I’d rather die than face that crazy, intimate moment in the morning when our eyes meet, and there are no barriers.

Alice searches my face, her eyes slowly softening. “Ah, okay. Just give me one second.”

She disappears back into her room, and there are a few hushed whispers before Alice re-emerges, pulling a naked incubus behind her. She pushes him out rather forcefully and tosses his clothes after him before slamming the door in the poor guy’s face.

“Okay, tell me everything.” She comes over and drops down next to me on the couch. Her shoulder-length hair is mussed, no doubt from the incubus’ fingers.

I sigh and sit back, resting my feet on the edge of the coffee table. “We had a really good time.”

“Okay…” Alice waits for more, but I’m unsure how to articulate the thoughts in my head, knowing how neurotic they sound. “So dinner was good?” she prompts, trying to get more information from me.

I nod.

“What was the secret plan?”

“He took me flying.” I smile at the memory. “His brothers set off fireworks.”

Alice rolls her eyes, but her lips are pulled into a genuine smile. “He’s such a mush.”

“Then we got caught by the headmaster, who was furious.”

Alice grimaces. “Fuck. What did he say?”

I shrug. “Something hot,” I reply without thinking. Now that I try to recall his exact words, I just remember how he made my cheeks flush and my stomach flutter and knot simultaneously. I really dislike how much I agree with everyone about how gorgeous he is.

Alice bursts out laughing. “Oh, no! You have the hots for the headmaster.”

I roll my eyes. “Please, Alice. Even you can see that he’s annoyingly attractive. Even if you don’t think he’s physically attractive, his attitude is hot, in a terrifying and intimidating kind of way.”

“So, what did he actually say?”

I frown as I try to remember, and his voice shoots through my skull like a threatening caress. “This is the second time I’ve found you at the center of something,” I begin, poorly imitating his voice. “This is a poor start, Miss Tuatha De Daanan.”

“Okay, so all that command and strength might be a little hot, but you better not get expelled, Sum.” Alice laughs. “So then, what happened?”

“Then we went back to his place.”

“And… then you came home?”

I nod. “Well, he went to sleep.” My stomach churns, and I desperately want to stop talking about this. I want to push it from my mind so I can rid myself of the horrible, unfamiliar clawing of guilt down my spine.

Alice watches me for a minute before standing and walking into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of tequila. “Drink?”

I nod. “Absolutely.”

Alice hands me the bottle and then slumps down next to me again. I take a deep drink before handing it back to her. We pass the bottle back and forth, and I remain silent until I’ve had my third deep swig of tequila. Then I exhale heavily and blurt out, “We fucked in the restaurant.”

Alice chokes on her drink and lurches forward, coughing. I hit her on the back, trying to help clear her airway. “Like in the middle of it?” she gasps out.

I grimace. “In the bathroom, before the appetizer.”

Alice snorts. “Man, you got it bad.”

“I do not,” I grumble, snatching the liquor bottle from her. I know I didn’t want to talk about this, but there is something inside me that needs to. Alice and I haven’t known each other long, but I know she won’t judge me for my insanity.

“You absolutely do, and he’s definitely got it bad for you.” She thinks for a moment. “Plus, he’s hot in that angelic, weirdo way.”

“Okay, chill. He’s fine.”

“You think he’s super dreamy.” Alice flutters her eyelashes. “You liiiiiiiiiiiike him.”

I roll my eyes, handing her the bottle back. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”

“Summer and Connor sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N–”

I swat at her. “You’re an asshole,” I say and snatch the bottle back, not making any move to get up from the couch. Our laughter dies, and I take another deep drink of the tequila.

Alice looks at me, and I feel the weight of her gaze on me, tension sitting heavy between us. “I’ve never had a friend before,” she says finally. I lean my head back against the sofa and turn it to look at her, waiting for her to continue. She pulls the bottle from my hand and takes a drink. “I’ve never been wanted, and I’ve never fit in with my people. It’s nice… having someone to talk to. Even though I know you’ll probably never understand, it makes me feel less alone.” Alice’s eyes are sad, and I can tell this isn’t something she ever talks about or admits out loud, “My father has tried to kill me twice. He is terrified by the mere thought of being usurped.” Her laugh is humorless. “If he spent even twenty seconds with me, he’d realize that’s the farthest thing from what I want.”

I look ahead, an internal war raging within me, but I feel the resolve as it settles. The truth starts to travel through my body toward my mouth. I take the bottle and another deep swallow, trying to use the liquor to push it back down, but all it seems to do is strengthen my resolve. The silent seconds drag on until I can’t fight it anymore.

“I killed someone.” I have never uttered the words, and the truth tastes worse than any of the lies I’ve spouted.

Alice’s gaze swings to me, yet there is no sense of fear coming from her. Vampires are known for violence, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she had a mixture of blood on her hands, but that is their nature. It’s as integral to them as the runic languages are to fae.

“I didn’t mean to,” I continue, the words barely a whisper. “I was young and stupid, and I thought I was…” I close my eyes, steadying myself. “I thought I was in love, but I was wrong about so much. So desperate to belong to someone.”

His face flashes against the darkness created by my closed eyelids. I inhale sharply and open my eyes, hoping to banish his image.

“I could blame it on manipulation or naivete, but it was me. Whether it was an accident or not, I did it.” The phantom tears that will never fall burn at the back of my eyes. “I was abandoned when I was a baby and brought up by a mortal. She rarely showed me kindness, but she was there and saw to my basic needs. When she died, I sought… something, anything to oust the loneliness. That’s when I met Torin. He was the second fae I’d ever met, and he was… so interested in my… strangeness.” The truth spills easily from my lips, like it was desperate to be spoken, to be heard.

Alice slides her hand into mine, listening intently.

“I’d spent my whole life suppressing my powers. If I slipped, I was punished. Severely. So severely that soon, the roar of my suppressed powers became nothing but a hum. Torin knew what I was immediately. He wasn’t fooled by the way I braided my hair over my ears to hide the points. I don’t know how he was able to scent me, but he did. He told me it was because we had a bond, a fae bond. Looking back on it now, I think he was trying to convince me that we were mated, and truly, I was so ignorant back then that if he’d have come out and said it, I would have believed him.”

Alice’s eyes go wide, and her hand tightens on mine.

“We’re not,” I assure her, and she nods, relaxing. “He tried to coax my powers out of me. He was desperate to see what power I held, but I’d buried it so deep. When I couldn’t perform, he punished me too. Then he would spend hours telling me he loved me, and it wouldn’t happen again. He would always follow that up by telling me I just needed to show him I was powerful enough to be his. I was desperate. I thought I loved him, but I was so stupid. One night, we were in the woods, and a group of his friends were there. I had never met them before, and it was a little weird and awkward.”

Show me what you can do, Summer.

I squeeze Alice’s hand tight and take a few deep breaths, willing the words away.

“He stood me in front of them and demanded that I show them what I could do, but I couldn’t even summon a flicker of light. They all laughed, and Torin joined in their mocking of me. They said… such horrible things. I begged Torin to take me home, but he refused. Torin told me they were all going into the forest to perform a special fae ritual, but I was to stay behind since I obviously wasn’t a true fae. I was nothing more than a defective fae with no powers. So I did. I always did exactly what I was told.”

The words stick in my throat, and I swallow hard. I am so angry with that young girl. She was so weak. I feel so disgusted and filled with shame when I think about her. The pressure behind my eyes builds, and I wish I could cry. Alice doesn’t press me, and she doesn’t offer advice or platitudes. She just sits in the darkness with me and holds my hand, not expecting more, but letting me know she’s here if I have more to say. Her steady support gives me the courage to keep going. I lift the bottle and take a few long gulps of the tequila before continuing.

“They all left, disappearing into the woods, leaving me alone in the dark. Except they didn’t all leave. One of his friends stayed behind, and he tried to…” I close my eyes and shake my head. “That was the moment my powers burst free, and I blasted a hole right through his chest. I remember the feeling of his weight on top of me, and how he got so much heavier when his soul left his body.”

Alice grabs the bottle from me. Startled, I look over at her. Her irises are ringed with red, and I realize she is growling. Without letting go of my hand, she takes a long pull from the bottle, and I wait until she waves me on before continuing.

“I was nearly hysterical, but I finally managed to shove his body off me. When I sat up, Torin was watching me from the tree line. To this day, I’m not sure if he saw the whole thing or not. I thought he would punish me or maybe just kill me. Instead, he just gave me a wicked smile and said, ‘Oh, Summer. You’ve been withholding from me.’ I knew I had to get out of there, so I ran, and he chased me. He is still chasing me to this day.”

Alice shifts to face me. “Wait. What?”

“I’ve been dodging that male for years. It’s one of the reasons I agreed to come here. He can’t get to me here.”

“Well, fuck,” Alice says.

I nod and grab the bottle, taking another drink. Exhaustion tugs at me, emotionally and mentally drained from telling the story and having to relive the memories. I am sure the tequila and my sexcapades with Connor have also sapped my strength, but I can barely keep my head up.

“When did you last see him?” Alice asks.

“Last year. I caught a glimpse of him in the town where I had settled, so I left.” I look at her. “Alice, you can’t tell.”

Alice nods. “I’ll take it to the grave.”

I sigh heavily. “Thank you.”

Alice and I finish off the bottle. The conversation is much lighter, and our friendship is stronger. When neither of us can keep our eyes open any longer, we get up and stumble to our rooms. I collapse into my own bed and pull the covers up around me. I glance at the closed box on the bedside table but decide that tonight is not the night for sinking into that loneliness. Tonight, I chose to be lonely, but something good came from it. At least, I hope it’s good. The vulnerability feels like oil against my skin, but the burden of my past feels a little lighter.

I roll onto my back and look up at the ceiling, letting my mind wander. I wonder again about that strange account that had watched all of my stories. Uneasiness settles on my shoulders. Could it be Torin? I grab my phone, tapping through my stories again. The account is still there and active. I thought it might have been flagged and taken down, but it is still there, even with the gray amorphous blob profile picture and the simple 1015 username. I shove my phone under my pillow and drift off, thinking about my mysterious watcher. But it’s not thoughts of Torin that haunt me tonight. Instead, it’s my stranger, and I don’t feel fear but excitement.