Page 103

102

Summer

I call Alice when I’m on my way home. I can practically hear her pacing in the living room. “You’re okay,” she says, relief saturating her voice.

“Alice, I texted you all the way to the headmaster’s office.”

“Yeah, but what if the killer had found you and taken you? Then they’d have your phone. They could have been texting, pretending to be you. I was about to come find you.”

I roll my eyes, but my heart swells at her care for me. “Somehow, I knew you were freaking out, which is why I’m calling. We have a mission.”

“Oh, hot. Do we need black body suits for this mission?”

I laugh, relieved that I can still do so. “Probably not, but we should get them, anyway.”

“I will order us some, but what do we have to do?”

“We have to find out who’s behind EverydayEmrys.”

“Oh, damn. My detective boner is standing at attention. Okay, is there a reason?”

“I think the headmaster believes there are more messages. Some may have even been deleted or blocked. We should wait to plan when Connor isn’t there.”

“Why not tell him?”

“I don’t want to worry him.”

Alice doesn’t say anything, and I can hear her disapproval in the silence.

“You disapprove?”

“It’s not my relationship.” I flinch, and Alice curses. “That was harsher than I meant it to sound.”

“I have to go. My battery is dying. I’ll be home soon.”

Ending the call, I drop onto the closest bench. I can see the dorm in the distance, but I need a second. The guilt of not telling Connor is weighing on me, but I genuinely do want to protect him from this.

A gentle breeze ruffles my hair, its warmth telling me it is unnatural. I close my eyes and let out a weary sigh.

“I thought I was to return to my lies and not think of you,” I whisper.

His fingers brush a lock of hair behind my ear, and I bat it away. “I can’t seem to stay away,” he says, and I shiver as his voice caresses my ear.

“Why?” I ask and open my eyes, looking straight ahead. When he doesn’t reply, I continue. “You were gone for weeks. It can’t have been that difficult.”

The bench creaks a little as he sits down next to me. “I wasn’t gone.”

I look down at my legs, goosebumps covering my bare skin.

“I wasn’t even gone for a day. I was always close.”

I rub my thighs, trying to warm them. “I’m sorry for crossing a line.”

He is quiet for a long moment but finally says, “I crossed it first. If there ever was one.”

I shake my head. “It was me.”

“Did you feel it?” he asks. “The tug?”

I frown, glancing at him. “What tug?”

“The one between us. Pulling us together.”

“Describe it.” Do I really want him to? Do I want to put a name to the bond we seem to have?

He moves one of his hands to his chest and rubs absentmindedly. “Like a pull around your spine, each step away was like you were taking a piece of me with you.”

I look away again, staring into the darkness. “I already told you I enjoy… spending time with you. You understand me. But then you left, and I?—”

“I know. The thought of you pulling away was…” He trails off, and I don’t need him to finish.

“Your voice caught me off guard,” I say, the honesty spilling from me.

He laughs, the sound filled with sadness. “Most people become alarmed by it.”

“I like it,” I say, digging my nails into my thighs.

“Many people have told me it features in their nightmares,” he says.

“It’s never featured in my nightmares, but occasionally in my dreams.” I feel my cheeks heat.

“I–I enjoyed talking to you.”

Surprised, I whip my head around to look at him. “You did?”

He nods. “Your voice is very comforting to me. It helps me relax. My brain constantly whirls otherwise.”

“You can hear my voice now, though, right? It’s not like distorted?” I ask, honestly curious.

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not like mine. The only difference is that I can’t feel you, but I can see you, hear you, smell you.”

“You can’t feel me at all?”

“No.”

I place my hand on top of his. “Nothing?”

He shakes his head again.

“But you can smell me?”

“Citrus and peonies.”

I worry my lip, staring up at him.

“What?”

“I should go,” I say and stand up, trembling with the cold. My hands clench, and I start to walk away.

“All right,” he says, and I can hear the resignation and sorrow in his voice.

I stop in my tracks, anger welling in me. Why? Why does he get to be sad? He is the one who walked away. I went to him to talk, apologize, and reset a boundary, and he fucking kicked at me like a dog he wanted to run off. Spinning around to face him, I say, “I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I suppose I deserve that. If you don’t trust me, I suppose I won’t need to be in this avatar again.”

“Don’t fucking gaslight me!” The rage bursts from me. How could he say something so fucking unhelpful? I thought him above this kind of manipulation. The anger I’ve felt toward him since he left has been a tightening coil, and I finally let it go.

“How is that gaslighting you?” he snarls. “You just love throwing that word at me when I say something you don’t like.”

I glare at him. “I told you that you’re the only person who understands me, and you abandoned me. So fuck off. I’m allowed to not trust you after that! Get rid of the fucking avatar if you want, but don’t try to lay the blame at my feet,” I snarl and turn away, intending to leave, but his next words stop me in my tracks.

“I left because you wanted me to. Wasn’t that what you were about to do? Push me away like always? Isn’t that why you came to speak to me that night?”

I whirl on him. “No. I came to apologize for crossing a boundary we set. I came to apologize for making you uncomfortable, and I came to say that it wouldn’t happen again.”

He scoffs. “And here are the lies you wear like a protective shield.”

“You always think the worst of people, especially me. But here you are! You won’t even show me your true self. You won’t even give me your name. So, who is really hiding? Who is pushing away? Who is keeping distance? I accepted all of it, but I am the one who wears lies like a shield? Since you love staying away from me, just fucking continue to do so.”

“Why would it fucking matter if I do? You didn’t act any different when I was gone.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ask, my voice raising.

“You went back to your little lie of a life and left me alone. I was the one actually alone, not you,” he growls. His power vibrates in the air, and I should be afraid, but I am not. He would never hurt me, and there is something more than just anger in his voice. I can almost taste his pain.

I’m not sure when, but we moved closer at some point. I push at his chest hard, feeling a solid wall of muscle under my hand. “You left me! You told me to go!”

“You wanted boundaries, and when you pushed them, you shoved me back, and I… lost my friend.”

I blink, gaping up at him. He called me his friend. He had never succumbed to that label, even when I had plastered it over every inch of us. Something within me breaks, and I wrap my arms around his waist. I hug him tight, tucking my face against his chest. He stands rigid and unbending, and I’m about to pull away when his body relaxes and he wraps himself around me, holding me close. I feel him bury his face in my hair and inhale deeply.

“I missed you,” he whispers.

My eyes burn, and I close them. “I’m sorry I crossed the boundaries. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” he growls, his chest vibrating.

I pull back enough to rest my chin against his chest and look up at him. “Didn’t what?”

“Make me uncomfortable,” he says, and I can feel his gaze blazing into me. “Are you going to leave me in the dark again?”

I shake my head. “Are you going to leave me?”

“No, little fae. Why were you looking so sad?”

“Sad?”

“On the bench. You looked like the world was against you.”

I look away, feeling the pangs of sadness leeching under my skin. “I hide so much of myself from so many. And when I do show them the… unsightly parts, they don’t like them.”

He cups my cheek, tilting my head up, waiting for me to continue.

“I’ve not told Connor about being the target.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want him to worry.”

“Why does it matter? Hasn’t the killer been caught?” the stranger asks.

I exhale heavily. “I’m not convinced.” He waits for me to continue. “It’s a long story.”

“I have time,” he says with a slight shrug.

I glance at my phone, knowing Alice will come searching for me if I don’t get home soon. “I have to get back. Tomorrow?”

“Where?”

“The woods?” I ask, but then I have another idea. “Or I could… call you.”

“Call me. I’ll use my real voice.”

“You will?”

“Unless you don’t want that.”

“I do!” I clear my throat. “I mean, whatever, sure. I don’t care.”

He chuckles darkly. “I’ll speak to you later, little fae.”