Page 46 of Beautiful Trauma (The Irish Rogues #5)

A fter a restless night, I finally settled into a deep sleep around four.

Although I felt Kellan leave the bed, I continued sleeping.

Now as I started waking up, a feeling of being watched overwhelmed me.

When I popped open my eyes, I shrieked and jerked back, tangling myself in the covers.

Two little girls peered at me over the edge of the bed.

One had chestnut hair and dark brown eyes while the other had auburn hair with blue eyes. They continued staring at me with curious expressions. I knew they had to be the nieces Kellan had been playing princess with.

“Hiya!” the auburn haired one pronounced with a grin.

“Um, hello.”

“Is you Unca K’s girlfwiend?” she asked.

Oh God. Was I actually getting the third degree from a kid? Not to mention the fact that I didn’t know quite how to label our relationship at the moment. Whatever we were was far too difficult to try to explain to children.

When I didn’t answer, the girl’s lips turned down in a pout. “Mommy says it’s not polite to not answer.”

Great. Now I was getting guilted for my behavior by kids. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer you. I just woke up, and you two kinda took me by surprise.”

“You were sleepin’ awfully late,” she replied.

“What time is it?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. We’ve already had lunch.”

With a groan, I reached over to grab my phone off the nightstand. To my horror, the time read 12:30. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I slept so long.”

The dark haired girl tilted her head at me. “We wanted to wake you up earlier, but Mommy said you needed your rest. That you were tired because you were sad.”

A pang entered my chest at her words. “You’re mommy was right. I’ve had a lot of sad things happen to me lately.”

“You can pway pwincesses with us anytime you want,” the red head proclaimed.

“Oh, I’m sure that would make me feel better.”

The girls grinned. The redhead asked, “Your name is Mila?” “It is. What are your names?”

“My name’s Piper, and this–” she pointed to the dark-haired girl–”is Julianna.”

“It’s nice to meet you girls,” I replied while extending my hand.

After they both shook it, Juliana gave me a shy smile. “You’re really pretty.”

“Thank you. So are you.”

And she was. Both of them were. The Kavanaughs had amazing genes. Although the two looked nothing alike, they were positively gorgeous, and I knew they’d grow up to be stunning.

“How old are you, Julianna?”

“Four and a half.”

Flicking my gaze over to the redhead, I asked, “What about you?”

“I’m fwee.”

“Let me guess. Your daddies are Kellan’s brothers.”

Piper bobbed her head. “My daddy is Dare.”

“And mine is Callum.”

“I’ve met both your daddies.”

“You have?” Julianna asked.

“In Philadelphia when Uncle Kellan was hurt.

The bedroom door burst open, and Kellan strode in. At the sight of him, both girls squealed ridiculously loud before sprinting around the side of the bed to meet him. “Unca K!” they both screeched.

At the sight of them, Kellan beamed. “There’s my girls.”

After they launched themselves at Kellan, he started to pick them up, but I yelled at him. “Don’t you dare!”

The girls froze before whirling around to stare at me in horror. I held up my hands. “I’m sorry for yelling, but Uncle K isn’t supposed to do any lifting. He got hurt while we were in Philadelphia.”

When they turned back to Kellan for confirmation, he nodded. “I’m so sorry, my loves. It might be a week or two before I can pick you up.”

“It’s okay,” Julianna replied as Piper’s bottom lip turned down in a pout.

“So, I see you met the girls,” Kellan mused.

“I did.”

“They’ve been wanting to meet you since the instant they got up.”

“I didn’t mean to sleep so long.”

“It’s okay. You needed it,” he reassured me.

Julianna bobbed her head. “That’s what Mommy said.”

“Your mommy is very wise,” I remarked with a smile.

“Mila is gonna pway pwincess wif us,” Piper announced.

“I sure am.”

“When?” Julianna asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Before I could answer, Kellan said, “Mila needs a little more time to feel better.”

“Is you sad?”

“Maybe I should bwing Cheeto and Blacky over to cheers you up?” Piper suggested.

“Who are they?” I asked.

“My new kittens. If yous likes doggies better, I can bring Muffins.”

“You have kittens and a dog?”

“Muffins is a puppy.”

“Two kittens and a puppy? Your mommy and daddy are very brave,” I mused.

Kellan chuckled. “It’s a long story.”

“I bet.”

Caterina appeared in the doorway then with a twin on each hip. “What do you two think you’re doing? I told you not to bother Mila.”

“It’s okay. We were getting to know each other,” I assured her.

“Mommy, Mila’s gonna play princesses with us,” Julianna exclaimed.

“But not today,” Piper replied.

Julianna nodded. “She needs her rest.”

Hearing the girls keep repeating how much I needed rest made me feel even more tired. “In fact, I think I’ll take a nap.”

Kellan’s blond brows furrowed. “What about eating?”

“I’m not really hungry right now.”

Caterina exchanged a look with Kellan before waving at the girls. “Come on. You can help me get the boys down for their nap.”

“Bye, girls. We’ll play tomorrow, okay?” I promised.

“Yeah!” they happily screeched before running to Caterina. Once they had left, Kellan closed the door.

When he turned back to me, his expression was serious. “Talk to me, Mila.”

“About what?”

“What’s going on with you?”

“I’m just tired,” I lied.

He shook his head. “It’s more than just exhaustion. You only picked at your food last night, and now you’re refusing lunch after not eating breakfast.”

I can’t eat because my stomach is twisted in knots from thinking about siblings and the life I walked away from. I’m worried that it’ll never be enough for my father until I’m dead, or worst of all, until you’re dead.

With a shrug, I replied, “I’m just not hungry.”

“Please, Mila.”

Kellan’s pleading words and expression broke me. But I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. Somehow I knew that even if I did, it still wouldn’t take away the agony within me.

I burrowed under the covers. “I’d like to sleep now.”

“Can I tell Maeve you’ll meet her at dinner?”

“Maybe,” I replied.

And without another word to Kellan, I rolled over on my side, facing away from him. He remained standing there staring at me for several minutes. When I finally heard the door close, I allowed the tears to flow.

After rotting in bed most of the afternoon, I started to feel like if I didn’t get out of the four walls of the bedroom I was going to go crazy.

Since I already felt crazy, I guess it would be even crazier.

When I slipped out of the bedroom, the boisterous voices downstairs made me momentarily reconsider.

But then I remembered Kellan telling me about the rooftop terrace that ran the length of the house.

As I started down the hall, I searched for the stairs.

Even though I’d been there for two days, the house was still a mystery to me.

Once I found them, I headed up. As soon as I pushed open the door, peace overcame me at the feel of the sun on my face and the fresh air entering my lungs. My bare feet padded along the tiled floor as I walked over to the edge.

Overwhelmed by the view of the city before me, I could merely stare in awe. In many ways, Boston reminded me of Philly, which was both painful and comforting.

At the sound of a chair scraping, I whirled around. Behind me at one of the tables was an auburn haired woman. I knew without introductions it was Maeve considering how much she and Kellan favored each other.

“I see someone discovered my hideout,” she said with a teasing smile.

My brows popped in surprise. “You were hiding?”

Maeve nodded. “I’m not a fan of crowds. Even when they’re my family.” She gave me a pointed look. “And unfortunately for you and for me, word about Kellan’s injury has gone out among our extended family, so it’s not just my brothers milling around downstairs.”

Even though I knew exactly what she meant, I played it off by asking, “Why unfortunately for me?”

Maeve crossed the distance between us. “Because the last thing you need right now is more family to remind you of the ones you lost.”

Her words sent pain searing through my chest. As I fought to breathe, I tore my gaze from hers to stare back out at the city. “Has Kellan been talking to you again?”

“Again?”

“I heard the two of you talking that night in Dublin.”

“Oh,” she murmured. When I glanced back at her, she sighed. “No, he hasn’t said anything to me except you need your rest.” She took a tentative step towards me. “But I see you, Mila.”

As my heart pounded harshly, I whispered, “What do you see?”

“Someone who has been to hell and back too many times to count.” She gave me a sad smile. “You can’t make journeys like that and expect to bounce back. You have to give the wounds time to heal.”

“Is that how you felt when…” As honest as we were being, I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

“You mean when my father allowed a man to tear my virginity from my body while forcing my younger brothers to hold me down?”

Swallowing hard, I replied, “Yes, that.”

She nodded. “Absolutely. And on bad days, I experience it all again.”

With a grimace, I said, “I’m not being trite when I say I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. And I would say the same to you.”

“I wish he didn’t love me.”

Instead of the shock I expected, Maeve didn’t flinch. “Why do you feel that?”

“He’s too good for me. He deserves someone who isn’t broken.”

“I thought the same thing about my husband. That he shouldn’t love a woman who’d been raped and couldn’t bear another man’s touch.” She shook her head. “But it’s bullshit.”

“Is it?”

“Absolutely.” She took my hands in hers. “We deserve their love. Our imperfections help them to be better men just as their imperfections make us better.”

Tears stung my eyes. “I really want to believe that.”

“He’s my brother and I love him, but Kellan has his flaws just like anyone.”

“I’m still trying to find them.”

Maeve laughed. “I have to admit that he’s pretty perfect.”

I snorted. “Thanks a lot.”

Her expression sobered. “The truth is, he has his own baggage, Mila.”

Nodding, I replied, “I know. He’s shared a lot with me.”

“In the end, he can help you carry your baggage, and you can help him.”

“I want that more than anything.”

“He wants that more than anything as well.”

“God, I love him so much. I know it’s stupid considering we barely know each other.”

Maeve shook her head. “I experienced the same thing with Rafe. And we had to go through hell together just like you and Kellan are. But you know what?”

“What?”

“The love that is tested and survives is so much sweeter and stronger.”

Unable to speak, I merely nodded. Placing her hand on my shoulder, Maeve said, “Can I hug you?”

“Of course.”

She smiled. “I just wanted to check because I know there was a while where I didn’t want anyone to touch me.”

“No. I’d like that a lot.”

When Maeve pulled me into her arms, I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer. Guttural sobs echoed through me. All the while, Maeve ran comforting circles with her hand over my back.

After I finally got a hold of myself, I jerked away. A flush of embarrassment warmed my cheeks. “Don’t do that,” Maeve said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for your emotions. Feel each and every one of them. The sooner you free yourself of them, the better you will feel.”

“Maeve?” a deep voice called.

She groaned. “Rafe’s found me.”

As I glanced over her shoulder, a handsome man came striding towards us with a baby boy in his arms. “He can run a criminal empire, but when it comes to finding shit for our boys, he’s clueless,” she muttered.

I stifled a laugh as Rafe appeared at her side. “ Amore mio , where are the wipes? Matteo’s got a shitbomb, and I can’t change him because I can’t find the wipes.”

Maeve winked at me before taking the baby from Rafe. “Has your clueless papa lost the wipes, or are they in the side pocket of your diaper bag?”

At Rafe’s wince, I knew he hadn’t looked there. “Is that where you keep them?” he asked in a defeated voice.

“Yes, my love.” Motioning to me, she said, “This is Mila, Kellan’s girlfriend.”

Rafe extended his hand. “It’s a pleasure meeting you.”

As I shook his hand, I replied, “Same to you.”

With a welcoming smile, he said, “As soon as the two of you are recuperated, we would love for you both to come stay with us in New York.”

“I’d like that a lot. I’ve never been.”

“Then it’s a date,” Maeve said.

“I look forward to it.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to change this stinky monkey.”

As I stared at the dark-haired little boy, it was clear he was Maeve’s spitting image. “He’s gorgeous.”

Maeve smiled at her son. “Thank you.” With a pointed look, she said, “We’ll talk soon. Make Kellan give you my number.”

“I will.”

As they were leaving the terrace, Kellan appeared. At the sight of me, the panic on his face waned. “Here you are.”

“I needed some fresh air.”

“That’s understandable.”

“I got to meet Maeve.”

“You did?”

Nodding, I replied, “She’s amazing.”

Kellan smiled. “Yeah, she is.”

“I want to go visit her and Rafe in New York as soon as we can.”

“Because I promised to take you to Rafe’s club?”

I laughed. “Well, there’s that, but I was thinking more about how much I enjoyed being with her.”

Genuine joy radiated in Kellan’s eyes. Without saying anything, I knew he thought this was a step forward. That by wanting to spend time with Maeve, I was healing. Because of how much he cared for me, he would disregard that this wasn’t the milestone he thought it was.

But in that moment, I would let him believe it. Anything to see the happiness on his face.