Page 21 of Beautiful Trauma (The Irish Rogues #5)

Kellan’s hands went from my cheeks to wrap around me. After he pulled me into his arms, I buried my face in his chest. As I began weeping, Kellan rubbed wide circles over my back. “He abandoned me,” I whispered against the warm skin of his chest.

“Trust me when I say, he isn’t worth your tears, Mila.”

“I know that,” I hiccupped.

Tilting my head, I stared up at him. “I don’t know why I even care. I’ve despised him since I was twelve years old, and he killed my mother right in front of me.”

Kellan sucked in a horrified breath. “Jaysus, Mila.”

“He’s hated me since then, too.”

“Why?”

“I tried to stab him.”

Kellan’s blue eyes popped wide. “You did?”

“I wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt my mother…like he’d hurt me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

With a humorless laugh, I replied, “How stupid am I that after our history, I truly believed he would swoop in to save me? That for once, he’d actually care.”

Kellan shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to see the good in people.”

“How can you possibly say that?”

“Because if you can’t let go of the anger and pain, it rots you from the inside. And they win.” Cupping my cheek in his hand, he said, “Don’t ever let the bastards win, Mila.”

Searching his earnest eyes, I asked the question that had been swirling in my mind since I’d eavesdropped on him. “What happened to your sister?”

The blood drained from his face. “What are you talking about?”

“I overheard you talking to her earlier.” When Kellan’s body tensed, I cocked my head at him. “She was raped, wasn’t she?”

“Yes,” he replied in a pained voice.

“Will you tell me what happened?” At his hesitation, I said, “Please. I think it would help.”

As Kellan stared past me with a haunted look, I didn’t think he was going to tell me. But then a ragged breath rumbled through his broad chest. “My father was forcing my sister to marry a man who was known to beat women. Since she couldn’t bear the thought, she begged me to help her run away.”

A sad smile curved on his lips. “None of my brothers have ever been able to tell Maeve no, so I came up with an elaborate plan for her to disappear.”

He gave a regretful shake of his head. “But on the night I’d asked her to meet me at the family crypt on our property, our father discovered us.”

“Oh no.”

“But he wasn’t the only one who found us. He’d brought Oisinn, my sister’s fiancé. To punish her for trying to run, he told Oisinn he could claim her as his wife right there.”

At the full realization of his words, my hand flew to my mouth in horror. “God, no,” I murmured.

Kellan’s jaw clenched as he stared down at his lap. “My younger brother, Eamon, and I were ready to kill him, but my father had one-upped us by having a gun trained on my mother. If we didn’t go along with his hideous plan, he would kill her.”

My stomach churned, and I didn’t know if I could bear to hear more. I’d never imagined such a story. My heart ached for Kellan and his pain.

As if he could sense my change of emotions, he dragged his agonized gaze up to mine. At the questioning look radiating in his eyes, I whispered, “Go on.”

Nodding, he chewed on his bottom lip for a minute. The battle raging within him to keep himself together was evident in both his face and body. “And then Maeve…she begged us not to have to endure the loss of our mother. So we threw our guns to the ground.”

His chest began to rapidly rise and fall. “That bastard threw her on top of the sarcophagus that held our great-grandfather, and then he…he…”

“He raped her.”

“Yes,” he rasped.

“Oh, Kellan,” I murmured.

“Our father forced Eamon and I to stand on either side of her. I held her hand the entire time.”

As a tear slid down my cheek, I started to swipe it away, but Kellan did it for me. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Shaking my head, I argued, “I shouldn’t have forced you to tell me.”

“You needed to know.”

“That was fucking masochism to have you share all that pain.”

“It’s part of the trauma I carry each and every day.” He stared intently at me. “You can’t understand me without understanding it. Just as I couldn’t understand you fully without knowing what had happened to your mother.”

“I hate it.”

“Sometimes it can be beautiful.”

“Trauma?”

Kellan nodded. “Like they say, the parts that don’t kill us make us stronger. And if we can embrace the pain and use it for good, it brings us to a level of understanding that others can never have.

“Is that why you saved me?”

Kellan’s brows shot wide. “What?”

“The understanding from your beautiful trauma–is that why you saved me from Brian?”

“How could I not?”

“But I was your enemy. I drugged you and used you to gain information for my family. My family deceived yours. Many in the underworld would say I deserved what I got from Brian for my sins.

“Regardless of what she’s done, that is a punishment no woman should ever have to face.”

“How are you real?” I questioned.

“What?”

“I’ve never known a man like you.”

“And that’s a good thing?”

“It’s a wonderful thing.”

Kellan searched my face intently. “That night at Bandia.”

“Yes?”

“Was any of it real?”

“Excuse me?”

Kellan jerked a hand through his hair. “Was it all an act, or was some of it real?”

My heartbeat accelerated in my chest. “Yes, it was real” I whispered.

A shudder rippled through Kellan. “It was real for me, too.”

As regret flooded me for the way I treated him, I sniffled. “I’m sorry about the soup.”

“I know you are.”

I gasped. “You do?”

“You wanted to drive me away.”

I blinked at him in disbelief at his ability to see through me so clearly. Only Dima had that ability with me. I sighed with regret. “It was an awful thing to do when you were just trying to help.”

“You reacted out of pain.”

“It’s not just about today. I’ve never really known how to take kindness from others. Not that there’s really been a lot in my life except from my siblings.”

“Who hurt you?” Kellan demanded.

“Too many to say.”

“I’ve got time.”

“For me to list them?”

He shook his head. “To hunt them down.”

My heartbeat thrummed wildly at his statement. “You’d really do that?”

“There shouldn’t be a doubt in your mind, considering I beat the shit out of my own cousins today.”

“Speaking of that, I don’t think I thanked you.”

“You don’t need to.”

“But I do. I owe you my life.”

When Kellan started to protest again, I brought my finger to his lips. “Just let me say it, okay?”

At his nod, I smiled. Then I brought my lips to his cheek. After bestowing a tender kiss, I said, “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

With our faces inches apart, Kellan replied, “You’re welcome.”

We stood there frozen, staring into each other’s eyes. When my gaze dipped down to his lips, he jerked away from me. “I need to order some aloe,” he said absently.

“Um, okay.”

As he started to leave the bathroom for his phone, I asked, “Did you order anything besides soup because I’m starving?”

He turned back to me with a smile. “As a matter of fact, I did. I didn’t know what you might eat, so I got some basics like baked chicken, salad, and fruit.”

My stomach growled at the mention of the food. “For what it’s worth, the soup smelled really good.”

Kellan chuckled. “I’d have to agree if it wasn’t mixed with the smell of my burnt skin.”

With a wince, I replied, “I’m such a bitch.”

“You certainly have a new way of taking out enemies,” he teased.”

“Would you stop? I really feel bad about this.”

He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Another hard-earned lesson of trauma: it’s better to laugh than hold on to anger.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Come on. I also ordered you some clothes.”

With a snort, I replied, “I can’t wait to see what you picked out.”

He grinned. “Smart ass.”