Page 13 of Beautiful Trauma (The Irish Rogues #5)

W ith every slide and rub of Kellan’s piercing against my G-spot, I teetered on the brink of death by excessive orgasm.

Even without the piercing, Kellan would’ve been a sex God.

The rhythm of his fabulous body coupled with the dirty talk would send anyone into bliss.

But when it came down to it, he drove me wild with how he put my pleasure first.

“Is that good, baby?” he grunted.

“So good.”

“You want it harder or deeper?”

“Mm, both.”

He took my words to heart by sliding me halfway off the desk. After bringing a hand underneath me, he tilted my hips. When he slammed inside me again, I saw stars from the depth and ferocity.

“Oh fuck, yes!” I cried, as my walls began to convulse with a powerful orgasm.

Kellan grunted his approval of the new position as he kept pounding into me. The air was filled with our pants and grunts and the sounds of our skin slapping against each other.

As I began building to another orgasm, I pleaded, “Don’t stop!”

“I’m just switching things up,” he reassured me.

After sweeping me into his arms, he carried me over to the couch. With his cock bobbing between us, he eased me onto my back before settling between my legs again. When we were face to face, he gave me a sexy little smirk. “I want to be looking into your eyes when I come.”

I blinked up at him in surprise. Was he for real? A man who fucked like manwhore with no soul wanted to look into my eyes when he came.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would’ve totally been into it. But tonight was different. I only needed fucking, not anything emotional. It made my mission even harder.

But I couldn’t tell him that. Unable to find the words, I nodded.

After guiding his cock to my center, Kellan slammed back inside me, causing me to gasp. With his beautiful blue eyes focused solely on me, his thrusts became more frenzied. I gripped his biceps and held on as my ass slid back and forth on the slick leather.

My eyes rolled back in my head as another orgasm charged through me. It must’ve set Kellan’s off as well.

“Fuck, Mya,” he groaned as a shudder went through his body. True to his word, he remained with his eyes on mine as his hips jerked. When he was finished, he began slowly easing out of me, which caused me to wince.

“Did I hurt you?” he demanded, a concerned look flashing in his baby blues.

“It’s okay.”

He grimaced. “Fuck, I was too hard.” With a shake of his head, he cupped my cheek. “You should’ve told me.”

I placed my hand on his. “You did everything I wanted you to do and more.” At his continued apprehension, I smiled, “You fucked me like a beast, and I loved every minute of it.”

A sheepish look came over his handsome face that made him appear so innocent. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been so into it. I got a little carried away.”

With a laugh, I replied, “You won’t hear any complaints from me.”

Kellan grinned. “I guess we’ll just have to see if you always bring out the beast in me.”

His words caused my heart to shudder to a stop. For a moment, all I could do was stare at him. “You want to do this again?”

“Don’t you?”

“Like tonight?”

Chuckling, he replied, “While I’m not saying no to another round or two, I’m talking about seeing each other again.”

“For sex?”

“Of course,” he replied. But then a flicker of vulnerability shone in his eyes. “Or more.”

“More?”

With a shrug, he replied, “Yeah, like a date.”

Oh God. Was this really happening? “A date,” I repeated lamely.

He nodded. “Absolutely.”

In another life, this would’ve been the dream. The hottest sex of my life leading to a potential relationship. What more could a woman want or need?

But this was my complicated, fucked-up life. There was no future where I danced into the sunset with Kellan. Not as Mya or as Mila.

Although it shouldn’t have, it cut like a knife.

Especially when I caught sight of my purse sitting on the back of the couch.

Instead of facing the truth, I decided to continue embracing the fantasy. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Good,” he replied before burying his head in my neck.

Closing my eyes, I willed myself not to look at my purse. It was a glaring reminder of what was to come. Like the bells tolling midnight in Cinderella.

As Kellan feathered kisses along my collarbone, tears welled in my eyes. I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. If I did, Dima and Aleks were likely to come storming in to save me.

One of my hands went to Kellan’s back to rub circles along his skin. The other went to my purse to slowly slide the syringe out.

A shudder echoed through me as my other hand momentarily paused in touching Kellan to uncap the needle. “Are you cold?” Kellan asked, his breath warming the skin above my breasts.

At that moment, I despised his compassion. I hated how it weakened my resolve. I hated that once again a man had power over me.

Despite all of that, I couldn’t help the growing ache in my chest. “I’m sorry.”

Kellan pulled his head up to stare at me. His brows furrowed in concern. “Are you crying?”

“Just know I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Mya, what–”

The needle jabbing into his neck cut off the rest of his words. My chest clenched at the look of betrayal that momentarily flashed in his blue eyes before they rolled back in his head.

And then he collapsed against me. Fighting my tears, I began easing out from under him. Considering how heavy he was, it wasn’t easy. It was almost as if I was dragging the weight of my conscience with me for what I’d done to him.”

When I was finally free, I exhaled a ragged breath. Taking my purse, I slid the earpiece back in.

“Dima?”

“I’m here.”

“He’s out. I’m moving to the devices.”

“It took you long enough,” Dima grumbled.

Ignoring him, I silently put my clothes back on. Once I was dressed, I dug the devices out of my purse before making my way over to the desk. I then slid the chips into the USB drives on the computer and the laptop. I didn’t begin to understand how they worked. I left that to our IT teams.

As soon as I was finished, I dug Kellan’s phone out of his dress pants on the floor. After repeating the process that I did with the computers, I eased the phone back into the pocket.

“Are the devices running?” I asked in a hushed voice.

“Yes. Now get the fuck out of there.”

“Gladly.”

After quickly sliding my heels on, I snatched up my purse. When I got to the door, I threw one fleeting look over my shoulder at Kellan’s sleeping form.

Anguish ricocheted through my chest at the thought of what he was going to think of me when he woke up. Although it shouldn’t have mattered, I couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking badly of me. Regardless of the lies I told myself, it wasn’t just sex.

It could’ve been so much more.

But it would never have a chance.

After peeking my head out of the office door, I thankfully found the hallway empty. “Am I clear for the rear exit?”

“No. There are two bouncers smoking cigarettes. Most of the other exits are armed. Go through the main exit.”

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

Tucking my head to my chest, I then made my way to the dance floor. Quickly, I lost myself in the teeming crowd. As soon as I rushed out the entrance, I exhaled the breath I’d been holding.

Instead of breaking into a run and calling attention to myself, I power-walked down the pavement. With every step, the ache in my chest grew more and more intense. It wasn’t just the regret on Kellan’s face flashing before me.

It was my mother’s as well.

Each and every time I felt I’d lost myself to Bratva, her face would appear before me. Although I know she would understand, I couldn’t help feeling cloaked in her disappointment. The feeling of letting her down sent tears pricking against the back of my eyelids.

When the SUV came into view, I drew my shoulders back and slid my mask into place. There was no way in hell I would let my brothers see any weakness in me.

Aleks hung his head out the window and whistled. “Look at that Walk of Shame!”

“Fuck you,” I muttered.

He flashed his pearly whites at me as I got into the backseat. “Damn girl, from the looks of it, Kavanaugh gives good dick.”

“Shut up,” Dima and I both said.

Aleks snorted at our mutual reaction before closing the door behind me. I’d barely gotten the chance to buckle my seatbelt before the SUV peeled out of the parking space.

Glancing over my shoulder, I eyed Anton, who was sprawled out on the third row bench. “How is he doing?” I asked.

“The same,” Dima replied curtly.

With a roll of my eyes, I chose to ignore him and his obvious disapproval of what I’d done with Kellan. To his credit, Aleks didn’t have any more commentary. The rest of the car ride to the airport was quiet and tense.

After we parked in the hangar, two bodyguards helped get Anton out of the backseat. Although he remained unconscious, he moaned as his head turned from side to side. Once they had him inside the jet, the three of us started up the jet’s steps.

When I got into the cabin, I was desperate to shed Mya’s persona. Since the wig was sewn in, there was no way I was getting rid of it tonight without potentially cutting my hair, but I could ditch the contacts and the dress. More than anything, I wanted a steaming hot shower.

When I started for the bathroom, Dima grabbed my arm. “Do we need to discuss your disregard for the plan?”

I pinned Dima with a hard stare. “My sex life is none of your business.”

He glared back at me. “It is when it could’ve potentially compromised our mission.”

With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “You’re just pissed I deviated from your precious plan, and it was still a success.”

“I’m pissed because you let your emotions get the better of you. Or I suppose I should say your urges .”

“Bullshit!”

“It’s the truth.”

Shaking my head, I countered, “Let’s get to the real reason why you’re making an issue out of this.”

“Because you could’ve fucked things up royally?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I cocked my brows at him. “Because I’m a woman.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” he grunted as he poured himself a shot of vodka from the bar.

“Spare me. If the tables were turned and one of you had fucked a target, you’d be slapping each other’s backs and asking for details.”

“I’m totally down for details,” Aleks replied while wagging his brows.

While Dima growled under his breath, I shot Aleks a wicked grin. “His dick is pierced, which hits in all the right places.”

“Like a Jacob’s Ladder?”

“Absolutely.”

With a chuckle, he shook his head. “The quiet ones are always freaks.”

“I told him the same thing.”

Dima’s response to our conversation was to take another shot of vodka.

I jabbed a finger at him. “For years, I’ve been trotted out to use my sexuality for our family’s gain, and you never had a problem. But when I decide to be in control, you have a problem.”

“She has a point, D,” Aleks mused.

Dima narrowed his eyes. “For both of our sakes, I will not tell Father about this.”

“Don’t act all heroic like you’re sparing my feelings. I don’t give a shit what he thinks.”

With the veins in his neck bulging, Dima shouted, “And that’s going to get you killed one day!”

His declaration caused a shudder of both fear and revulsion to run through me. A strained silence blanketed the room. After a few seconds had passed, I cleared my throat. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve had enough of this conversation.”

Without another word to either of them, I stalked over to the bedroom. After slamming the door shut, I hurried into the bathroom. Once I’d closed and locked myself inside, I pitched forward, banging against the sink.

As a sob tore loose from my lips, I turned on the water to try and drown out the sound. If I couldn’t let my brothers see the cracks in the facade, I sure as hell couldn’t let them hear me.