Page 84 of Awakened Desires

I frown. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that means.”

“I’m attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity. I don’t care if someone is male, female, non-binary, trans…None of that matters as long as we get on and I find them attractive.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Wow. Have you always known you felt that way?”

He laughs. “No. I didn’t wake up one morning realising I could fancy anyone and everyone. It was a process of discovery.”

“H-how?”

Rubin rests his hands on the beanbag and shifts his weight onto them. “Well, first, I thought I was gay. I had a crush on my best friend.” He looks at Quinn fondly.

Quinn blushes. “It’s a good thing I’m lying down.”

“It’s nothing you didn’t know.” Rubin sighs. “But then my mum started dating his dad, and let’s just say thinking about your parents screwing each other is a quick way to pour cold water over a crush.”

“I can imagine,” I say.

“Plus, Quinn never felt the same way about me, and unrequited love is a bitch.”

Quinn’s face goes even redder. His eyes drift shut, and it takes a while for him to open them again.

“Go to sleep,” Rubin tells him. “I’ve got this.”

“I might miss more exciting revelations,” Quinn mumbles.

“You know it all already. Sleep.”

Quinn closes his eyes again. Within seconds, his body relaxes.

I can’t help but stare. “I’ve never been able to go to sleep that fast.”

“It’s part of his condition. His brain doesn’t regulate sleep properly. He’ll wake up in a few minutes fresh as a daisy.” Rubin grimaces. “Maybe. Sometimes he’s even more tired than when he went to sleep. But let’s hope for perky Quinn rather than sleepy Quinn.”

“You’re close?” I gesture at the two of them.

“Yes. Very close.” He winks at me. “But perhaps not as close as you and Rory. We’ve never kissed, for a start.”

They remind me of how Rory and I were as kids. We were thick as thieves and always had each other’s back. I wish we were still as close. I touch my fingers to my lips. Maybe we could be closer.

“Thinking about Rory?” Rubin asks.

I nod. “I’m so confused.” I feel like a broken record. How many times have I said that since I bumped into Rubin and Quinn?

“That’s understandable. After Quinn, my next crush was on a girl in our class. It was weird at first, going from wanting to kiss my male best friend to wanting to snog Angela Brooks. I wondered if maybe I’d been wrong about my feelings for Quinn. Had I mistaken friendship for something more? Then I figured I was probably bisexual.”

“But you’re not?”

Rubin wobbles his hand. “Maybe I was at that point in time. The thing about sexuality is that it’s fluid. We’re ever-changing and evolving. Can you imagine liking the same music now that you did when you were ten?”

I laugh. “No.”

“Exactly. If our music tastes can change, why can’t our sexual ones?”

I gnaw my lip. “There’s no reason they can’t, but surely I haven’t just started liking guys overnight?”

“Uh, Chris Hemsworth?”

“I’m not sure thinking he’s good-looking and has nice muscles means that much. I’ve only ever been with women.” By choice anyway. I turn my head sharply to look out the window as bad memories bubble to the surface. “I’ve never thought about kissing a man.”