Page 141 of Awakened Desires

“The carrier is easier.” I kiss him softly. “Thank you.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“Yes, you have.” I nod at Aidan. “You’re helping him sleep for a start.”

* * *

Two hours later, Aidan’s birth has been registered. There’s a café around the corner from the registry office, so Rory, Niamh, and I go there to have our chat. I fed Aidan while we were in the registry office, so he’s awake and happy. He’s lying in my arms, crinkling a black-and-white cloth book in his adorably chubby fingers. He’s starting to focus on things now, and my heart melts whenever he stares into my eyes.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking,” Niamh says.

My heart races. Rory puts his hand on my knee and squeezes gently.

“And I’ve spoken to a doctor.”

I relax a little as relief washes over me. “That’s good. How did it go?”

“He says I have postnatal depression, so I guess you were right.”

I’m not happy that I was.

“He’s arranging therapy sessions and has prescribed antidepressants. He says it’s temporary. I need some help getting my brain chemistry on an even keel after having a baby.”

“I’m glad you asked for help,” I say softly.

“I needed to.” She stirs her mug of coffee. “Thanks for nudging me.” She breathes in and lifts her gaze to meet mine. “But that aside, I still don’t think I’m cut out to be a mam, Callan.”

I forget to breathe. I stare at her. All the sounds of the coffee shop fade to nothing as though the four of us are in a bubble that nothing can break through.

“But you…you’re an amazing dad.” She nods at Rory. “And you seem great with Aidan too.”

Rory raises his eyebrows and sits more upright.

“There’s so much pressure for mams to be the ones to raise babies,” Niamh goes on. “I felt like I had no choice, but I realise I do. Why is it always the dad who gets to be the part-time parent? Why can’t the mam do it without being looked down on or judged?” She blinks back tears. “I love Aidan. I want what’s best for him, and that’s you, Callan. Not me.”

“What are you saying?”

She laughs. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Yes.” I’m numb and not sure I’m hearing her right.

“I want you to be his dad full-time.” She brushes tears from her cheeks. “That’s not to say I want to disappear from his life. I don’t. We can discuss visitation. Maybe I could have him at the weekends or a couple of nights in the week. Whatever works best for you. And Rory of course. This will all have to work for you if your relationship is serious.” She looks between us.

I gaze at Rory. “It is.”

His cheeks flush. “I love Callan.”

“That’s obvious,” Niamh says. “I’m glad you’re happy.” She sips her coffee. “I’ll return to work when my minimum eight weeks of maternity leave is up, and then I’ll pay maintenance. I’ll be there for Aidan, I promise.”

My heart is pounding. My tongue is heavy in my mouth. I realise I’m shaking. Rory puts his arm beneath mine, steadying me as I hold Aidan.

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yes. Aidan belongs with you.” She smiles. “Both of you.”

“You should talk to Beau,” Rory suggests.

“Beau?” Niamh asks.