Page 49 of Awakened Desires

“I know it’s not the same, but I’ll be here.”

I stare into his kind blue eyes and almost burst into tears. Somehow, I manage to hold it together.

“I’m tired, but my mind is going ten to the dozen. How can I be thinking about giving up my entire life for a baby that’s only a couple of hours old?”

“Because he’s your baby.”

“I love him, Rory. I don’t know what to do. I fucked up my life. What right do I have to be part of his?”

“Don’t talk like that,” Rory says through gritted teeth. “You went through a rough patch. But you’ve picked yourself up. You’re not drinking anymore. And you’re working on getting yourself better. I am so proud of everything you’ve done to turn your life around.”

He’s making it almost impossible to keep my composure.

Rory kneels at my feet. “If you decide to move to be close to the baby, we’ll help. All of us.” He gestures to the door. “I swear you won’t meet a more supportive bunch of guys. They’ll rally around you and help out where they can.”

I sniff. “They barely know me.”

“They’re getting to know you. The thought of moving away from your support network must be scary.”

“It’s terrifying.”

“You don’t need to be scared, Cal. We’ll help. I’ll help. I’ll be here for you, whatever you need. I promise.”

I put my hand on Rory’s cheek. His beard is soft beneath my palm. “Thank you. That means the world to me.”

Rory’s blue stare bores into mine for several long seconds. I’m unable to move. Unable to take my hand away from his cheek. Unable to break eye contact. Every part of me is frozen except my heart, which patters softly.

“What would have become of us if I hadn’t left Wexford?” I don’t mean to voice the thought out loud, but it happens anyway.

“We wouldn’t have missed out on seventeen years of friendship.” Rory smiles and puts his hand over mine. “I’ve got your back, Cal.”

“Just like when we were kids?”

“Exactly like that. Stay.” He strokes his fingers over the back of my hand. “For the baby.”

I nod. My head is even more of a confusing mess than before. I want to stay for the baby, at least for a while. But he’s only half of the reason I want to stay. Rory is the other half. I thought I’d lost him forever. I don’t want to walk away just as we’re starting to rekindle the friendship I’ve sorely missed.

10

RORY

Callan returned to the hospital to see Niamh and the baby before I woke, and he wasn’t back by the time I had to go to work.

I’ve been here an hour. It’s quieter than last night, giving me a lot of time alone with my thoughts.

I don’t know if Callan will stay, despite everything said last night. I hope he does. The thought of him leaving when we’re just starting to reconnect makes me cold. It’s selfish of me. He wouldn’t be staying for me. He’d be staying for his son and possibly for Niamh too. I try to get out of my head by cleaning the bar for the third time since my shift started. You can tell how slow trade is by how shiny the bar and taps are.

Irene lets out an exasperated sigh as she comes out of the back. She’s holding her phone and shaking her head.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“The dishwasher’s on the blink again, and I can’t get an electrician to come out until tomorrow for love or money. I get that it’s late, but we’re a pub. We use dozens of glasses, and I don’t have the staff to wash them all by hand.”

I look around. “We’re not busy. If you watch the bar, I can wash a few glasses while it’s quiet.”

Irene glares at me. “It was busier over lunch. Look in the kitchen. Go.”

I open the door and stare at the number of glasses waiting to be washed. “Oh.”