Page 102 of Awakened Desires

"Do you need me to come over and help you bring Aidan's things here?"

I look around the bedsit. My heart sinks as I realise how little there is for Aidan here. A few clothes, his bottles, nappies, the baby carrier that I bought, the rattle Rory made, and some blankets. There’s the Moses basket too, but I won't be able to lug it through the underground.

"No. I should be fine. I won't need much for a few days." I keep saying it, but I'm not sure I believe it really is going to be for a few days.

"If you change your mind, text me."

"I will. Thanks."

"Anytime." Rory hangs up.

I get up to check the water. It's still not cool enough.

"How many people does your friend live with?" Niamh asks.

"There are eight of them, including him.”

She whistles. "That must be a full house. Are you sure there's room for you and Aidan?"

I nod. "Positive. They're a great bunch. Do you want to come with me to meet them?"

She looks away. "No. I don't want them judging me."

"What for?"

"Giving up my baby."

My heart goes crazy. "You're not. You're taking a break for a few days."

She looks out the window. "For a few days," she echoes. "I'm not a terrible mam."

"You're not."

She hugs herself. I doubt she believes me, but what else can I say?

"I'll pack his things up while you feed him," she says. "Will you be able to manage alone?"

"Yes."

Most of his things will fit into one or two bags. I make the bottle while she starts to pack. It's heartbreaking watching her fold Aidan's clothes as I feed him. Her eyes are heavy with tears while he makes contented sucking noises in my arms. By the time I’ve winded him and rocked him to sleep in the Moses basket, Niamh has finished. The bedsit looks emptier with the baby things packed away.

"How will you take the Moses basket?" She asks.

"I won't. I won't need it for a few days."

"Where will he sleep?"

"I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll buy him a Moses basket to have there, so he can sleep over whenever you need him to."

"He'll be too big for one soon."

“It should last him until he’s six months old, so not that soon.

“Six months," Niamh mumbles. "Why does that feel like a lifetime?"

"I think six months will go by faster than either of us expects.”

"Really?"