Page 28 of Awakened Desires

“You said you weren’t sure how involved Niamh would want you to be with the baby.”

I nod. “I guess that means I shouldn’t worry myself ragged until I do know.”

Rory turns to look at me. “Do you want to know what I think?”

I meet his stare. “I always want to know what you think.”

“I think you’ll look into your baby’s eyes and fall in love. You’ll be an amazing dad.”

“Thanks.” I don’t share Rory’s confidence, but his words take the edge off my fear. “Thanks for listening and for giving me a place to stay.”

“Anytime, Cal. Just ask.”

I smile at him. “I will.” I swing higher. “Do you want to see if we can still touch the stars with our feet?”

“Aye, why not?”

With my gaze fixed on the stars, I swing higher and higher. As the wind whips through my hair and chills my face, I begin to laugh. Being around Rory makes me feel lighter than I have done in years. He laughs with me. The hearty sound fills the night air around us like a comforting hug. Our feet touch the stars, freeing me from the shackles of my past for a short while.

* * *

I’m still raw from my conversation with Rory last night as I knock on Niamh’s door. Things were less awkward between us when we finally returned to Rory’s shared house. We’re no longer strangers. Maybe we can be friends by the time I return to Ireland.

Niamh opens the front door of a Georgian house that’s pretty similar to the one Rory lives in, except the paintwork is old and flaking, and the windows look like they’re in desperate need of replacing. Niamh looks tired. Her blonde hair is half-tied, while the rest falls over her shoulders. I’m used to her wearing makeup, but she doesn’t have any on. There are dark circles under her blue eyes. She has one hand under her huge belly and the other behind her back.

“Callan. You came.”

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m almost nine months pregnant. My back hurts. I can’t get comfortable enough to sleep, and I’ve got heartburn. Do you think I’m okay?”

There’s nothing I can say.

She sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be snapping at you. Come in.”

I step over a pile of letters on the floor and follow her up the stairs. The carpet is faded and balding in places. She unlocks a door and lets me into a room. I can’t help but stare. It’s the size of a double bedroom, but it feels a lot smaller. There’s a half-sized sink to my left, with a two-burner electric hob beside it. Overhead is a double cupboard. I assume there are shelves beneath, but a curtain of gingham fabric covers them. There’s a tiny countertop for preparing food and a microwave on a shelf above it. A wooden clothes rack is above my head, with a pulley system so it can be raised and lowered. The wardrobe is to my right, with enough room between it and the window for a bed to fit. There are fitted shelves and cupboards on the wall next to the bed and a narrow table with a lamp beside it. A battered armchair near a Moses basket on a stand. A grey rug covers the bare floorboards.

“It’s not much,” Niamh says defensively. “But my neighbours are quiet. It’ll be fine for the baby and me.” She sits in the armchair. “If you need the loo, it’s at the end of the hallway.” She gestures at the bed. “Sit down so it looks like you’re staying.”

The bed springs squeak as I sit. “I brought this.” I hand her a black-and-white teddy bear. It crinkles as she takes it from me. “For the baby. The lady in the shop said it’s good for newborns because it has lots of textures and high contrast.”

Niamh turns it over in her hands. Her eyes shimmer with tears. “Thanks. It’s the baby’s first present.”

“I didn’t know what else to get.”

She smiles and sits the teddy bear in the corner of the Moses basket. “It’s perfect.”

“Have you been well?”

“I’m fine, aside from all the gripes I mentioned. I’m ready for this baby to be out. Thanks for coming.”

I lean on my thighs. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I told you. I didn’t think you’d want to know. You said you didn’t want kids. I didn’t think that would have changed.”

“I wasn’t ready. And things weren’t great between us.”

“No, they weren’t. Do you think they’re better or worse now we’ve split up?”