Page 36 of Awakened Desires

“Maybe Niamh wasn’t the right person. When you find that person, you’ll be able to trust them enough to open up to them. Maybe they can help you heal.” It’s strange how much my heart is aching right now.

“Whether she was the right person or not, we’re still having a baby together. I’m going to be a long-distance dad.”

“You don’t have to be,” I say tentatively. “You could move to London. I’m sure my housemates would let you stay until you find your own place.”

“That’s not a decision I can make on the spur of the moment.”

“No. Of course not.” I press my hand against my thigh to stop myself from touching him. “But it’s something to think about.”

He nods. “Aye. It’s something to think about. Maybe I’ll be able to think clearly once the baby’s here and I hold it in my arms. Maybe then I’ll know what to do. Enough about me. Tell me about you.”

“I did that last night,” I point out. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Really?”

“Aye. I make stuff. I go to work. I get roped into stupid games by my housemate.”

“Hendrix?”

“Yes.”

“I think he likes you.”

I roll my eyes. “He’s propositioned everyone in the house. He even tried to convince us all to have an orgy.”

“Really?”

I nod. “He doesn’t like me. Not like that. Even if he did, I’m not interested in him.”

“Lucky for someone else.”

I stare at the floor. “I’m not seeing anyone. I sometimes arrange a hook-up to play with someone.”

“Play?” Callan lifts his eyebrows as he speaks, making me realise that he’s been moving closer again while we’ve been talking.

“Sensory play.”

“Oh, yes. Of course.” A pink flush splashes across Callan’s cheeks and nose. “Would you tell me what that entails?”

“You want to know?”

Callan nods. “All you’ve told me so far is that you use feathers.”

“Among other things. I like to use various things to mix up sensations. Normally, my sub will be blindfolded.”

“Why?”

“So they can concentrate on what they’re feeling rather than what they’re seeing. It helps them relax and enjoy the moment.”

“Oh.” Callan’s throat clicks. “Wh-what sort of things do you use? Aside from feathers?”

“That depends on my sub and what they like. But generally, things that have different textures. Silk is different to fake fur, for instance. A Wartenburg wheel can produce sensations from a tickle to light pain, depending on how much pressure I put on it.”

“A what?”

“A Wartenburg wheel. They’re used for putting tailor’s marks onto fabric.”

“Oh. I told you I was clueless. What else?”