Page 24 of Awakened Desires

“You already knew you were gay?”

The dark park goes fuzzy as my eyes lose focus. “I’d known for a long time by then.” Because I’d been in love with Callan. I blink until the park comes into focus again. “Darragh introduced me to a lot of stuff, including light kink.”

“Light kink?”

“He asked me to use a tie or scarf to blindfold him. He liked having his wrists tied to the bedpost while we were having sex.” I glance at Callan to try to gauge his reaction.

His expression is neutral as he stares ahead.

“I found it sexy too, which surprised me at first.”

“Sexy how?”

“He was putting his trust in me. He also looked sexy as sin, tied to the bed, naked except for a blindfold.” I bite the inside of my cheek as I measure my next words. “It was empowering. He needed me to untie him.” I rub the back of my neck. “It’s hard to explain. But when I’m doing kinky stuff with a submissive, I get a rush of adrenaline. It’s about mutual pleasure, mind. Not one person getting off at the other’s expense. Everything is discussed beforehand. There are limits and safe words.”

Callan’s brow crumples. “I did a bit of reading when you said you and your housemates were into kink.”

“Oh?”

“Not much, but I figured I should try to educate myself a bit. The words ‘safe, sane, and consensual’ came up a lot.” He runs his hand through his hair. “It made me feel better about it. I’ll admit I thought it was—you know.”

“Abusive?”

He nods.

“It’s not. Or it shouldn’t be. Not ever. I’ve never done anything with or to a sub that they didn’t want me to.”

“Sub?”

“Submissive. There are Dominants, like me, and submissives. Doms and subs for short.” I crack a smile. “Don’t let the names fool you, though. The subs hold the real power.”

Callan’s frown deepens. “How so?”

“Through their safe words. If they want a scene to stop, it stops. No questions asked.”

He releases a breath. “No offence, but you don’t come across as dominant.” He side-eyes me. “As a kid, you were kind and gentle.”

“I still am. What do you expect a Dom to be like?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t know much about this stuff. But if I had to guess, I’d say stern. Strict. Maybe even a little mean. When I looked kink up on the internet, there were pictures of whips and things.” He winces. “I can’t imagine you wanting to inflict pain on anyone for any reason. At least, the Rory I knew seventeen years ago wouldn’t have.” He looks away.

I want to put my hand on his shoulder or thigh to reassure him, but I keep it firmly on the swing chain instead. “Impact play is just one part of BDSM. It’s not the be-all and end-all.”

“Are you into it?”

“No. And nor was Darragh. As I said, he was into soft kink. Mostly light bondage. Furry handcuffs were about as hardcore as we got.”

Callan releases a soft laugh. “Furry?”

“Aye. Pink fur with leopard spots. I think you had to be there. Darragh saw them in a kink shop and bought them as a joke. We had a good laugh every time we used them.”

Callan leans his head against the swing chain. “Were you strict with him?”

“No. Not all Doms are strict. There’s no right or wrong way to be a Dom or a sub. Doms take control, and subs submit, but other than that, anything else goes as long as it’s—”

“Safe, sane, and consensual?” Callan interjects.

I chuckle. “Aye. That. There are lots of different types of Doms, from very strict ones to caregiver Doms.” I stop short of telling him that some Doms like to be called ‘Daddy’.