Page 59 of As a Last Resort

Then it was Austin’s turn. He was charming, and looked so handsome onstage.

The corner of his eyes shined as he talked about Lexi as the little sister who would crawl into his bed when it stormed outside.

He talked about how her giggle never ceased to put a smile on his face, regardless of how bad his day was.

He talked about her obsession with The Little Mermaid , Debbie Gibson, and her tiny Polaroid camera she carried everywhere.

He mostly avoided eye contact in my general direction, but as he was winding down, he looked straight at me. “Sometimes people find a way back to each other against the odds. We all know Rex came back to the bar again. And again. And again.” A murmur of chuckles filled the room.

“I’m excited as our family continues to grow.

” I swallowed the lump as he looked back at Rex.

This was his family now—Mary Kay and Bill, Lexi and Rex, and Rex’s massive tribe of hilarious sisters who looked so fun.

And a new baby on the way. This was his little bubble that I would never be a part of.

“I couldn’t imagine a better guy to call my brother. Welcome to our family, Rex.”

Everyone applauded and lifted their glasses. He was funny, eloquent, and genuine. Everything he should have been.

After the speeches, a small brass band started to play and people were mingling with fresh drinks. I scanned the crowd for Lexi and made a beeline toward her. There was only so much my heart could take before it bled out in the backyard.

“The speeches were beautiful and I can’t wait for tomorrow, but I’m going to head out for tonight.” I held back the tsunami of emotion that was threatening to overtake my body.

“Wait, did you talk to Austin?” she asked.

“No, but I’m going to find him, tell him, and literally run the other direction so I wanted to say bye now.”

She grabbed my arm and started pulling me through the yard but I stopped her in front of the swan ice sculpture.

“Lexi, I will find him. You go back to being the blushing bride, deal? I’m perfectly capable of shredding my heart in front of him on my own.

I will find him and tell him I’m moving back. ”

“You’re moving back?” she asked.

“You’re moving back?” At the sound of Austin’s voice, I turned around right into his chest.

“Just temporarily.” I turned back to Lexi. “That idea I was texting you about, with Ivy? It worked. Sort of. But yes, in short, I’m moving back.”

“Okay,” Austin drew out.

“Right. Okay so, first I want to apologize.” My throat felt a little tighter as I faced him.

God, he was handsome. I didn’t remember talking being such a difficult thing to do.

“When Glenn first told me about the huge ferryboat he was planning to buy for the resort, that would basically force you out of business, I should have told you. Glenn changes his mind so many times though and, honestly, it’s such a horrible idea, and I was really hoping to convince him out of it, but still, I should have said something.

You’ve been nothing but honest with me about everything and I should have given you that same trust back. And I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

He was uncomfortable, clocking the number of people pretending not to listen.

“And second, and I know this doesn’t matter anymore, but I’m trying to face the music now instead of just running away so, I’m sorry about how I left before.

The whole driveway thing. And for everything I didn’t say that I should have after that.

I kind of have this thing with running away when things get hard.

That was immature of me to leave like that and I owe you a pretty big apology. I’m sorry.”

He put his hands in his pockets and he continued to look at me like I was a puzzle to figure out.

“Okay,” he repeated. Was that the only word he remembered at the moment?

A handful of guests quietly loitered around the seafood bar making no effort to hide their attention on us.

And I felt my heartbeat in my neck. I didn’t even know that was a thing.

I wondered if everyone else could see the weird bobbing pulsing beneath my skin.

“Right, so one more thing.” Into the shredder we go.

“I understand this doesn’t mean anything now, but I’m not walking away tonight without you knowing.

You were right, about what you said before, about being scared to fall in love with you.

Everyone in my life that I’ve loved has somehow let me down, whether it’s their choice to or not.

It’s easier to just put a guard up than to constantly wonder when the dreaded moment will come.

Or how it will come, which is even worse.

So, I ran in the other direction instead of leaning into what we had, or could have had.

” His eyes were so intense, searching my face with a trace of sadness in them. The temperature outside skyrocketed.

“But the truth is, as much as I tried not to care and to not get attached, I did. You said I was scared to fall in love with you. But the truth is, I was scared because I was already in love with you.”

His chest stilled.

“When I was back in the city, your face was literally on a constant loop in my brain. You were everywhere. You’ve never even been to my apartment but you would lie there with me every single night and the bed was empty in the morning and it was just so sad .

It was torture. I am hopelessly in love with you and I’m an idiot for not saying anything sooner.

” His eyes widened just a fraction of an inch then he turned his head down, looked at the ground and took a deep breath.

Maybe if this had come earlier there would have been a different reaction, but I needed to wrap it up and make a beeline for my car.

I said what I needed to and now I was just unnecessarily embarrassing myself.

“But I know, I know, it’s totally irrelevant now because you’ve moved on. If you want to be with Snow White, then fine. I get it—the history, the doe-eyed thing, whatever.”

“Who’s Snow White?” I heard Patrick ask someone.

“The V word,” Lexi whispered back.

I forgot they were standing there. I glanced over and Mary Kay and Bill were standing behind Lexi and Patrick, with about ten other people who were pretending not to listen to our conversation.

They quickly looked away when I spotted them.

Apparently, there was something very interesting in Mary Kay’s champagne glass.

“The V word?” Patrick whispered back. “What’s the V word?”

“Vanessa, for God’s sake,” I answered, plowing forward.

“And the baby . That’s a whole other thing obviously.

A whole other living thing but I didn’t want you to not know and just settle for her.

In case that’s what you’re doing. I mean, trying to work it out with your baby momma is not settling necessarily but—”

“Vanessa?” he asked.

It’s not like I had anything else left to hide at that point so I let it all out. “I drove by your house earlier. To apologize. But I saw her car there. And her doing the leaning thing on your kitchen counter.”

“Wait, you came to my house?”

“Yeah, and she was doing the whole, I’m here, look at me leaning on your counter all glowy like Snow White with a better rack or whatever.”

“And did you see anyone else there?” he asked, eyes still locked on mine.

“I’m not mad. It’s not like we were exclusive or anything. But I just assumed since she broke your heart before, you wouldn’t give her another chance. And you doing the same thing to Tom that he did to you just seems so outside your whole vibe but—”

“Well, and the baby.” He smirked.

“I overheard you in your room. I know she’s pregnant.

You would think two adults who understand how that works could prevent that, but again, whatever.

I understand both parents are a necessary equation when trying to raise a kid into a well-rounded contributing member of society.

You need to do what’s right for your baby. ”

“ My baby?” Austin asked.

Patrick gasped.

“Austin Francis Marcs,” Mary Kay said sternly.

“Mom, shush,” Lexi whispered.

“Umm, yes. Your baby.” I looked around and noticed how many people were standing near us, watching my demise. I lowered my voice. “I mean, I get it, she was originally your fiancée , but admittedly it’s a little shocking, I mean, geez, Austin, she’s married …”

Austin was smiling. “So you think Vanessa and I hooked up and now she’s pregnant? With my baby.”

I looked at Lexi. She was biting back her smile.

“She’s pregnant,” Austin paused. “With Tom’s baby. They came to tell me before I heard it through the grapevine. Thought they owed me that much.”

Wait, what?

I looked at Lexi. “Sorry!” she whispered. “I kind of thought you had it wrong but then the speeches and, well, I didn’t want to mess with the whole grandstand movie moment for you two when you realized you were wrong.”

I looked back at Austin. “So, there’s no baby?” I asked him.

“Oh there’s a baby,” he chuckled. “It’s just not mine.”

“There’s no Vanessa?” I asked.

“There’s no Vanessa.” His eyes turned soft and my entire body melted.

And that was it. That was the moment I realized starting right then, nothing would ever be the same. The moment that would send my life in one very specific and beautiful direction if I didn’t run. It felt like tiny flowers blooming in my bloodstream. His eyes were shining.

“Is this the grandstand movie moment?” I whispered.

“Well, we are at a rehearsal dinner.” He glanced past me. “And there’s an ice swan behind you, so.…”

“Okay, then here it goes. To be honest, if I think about babies and grocery stores and elementary school teachers and Friday night football games, I feel like I’m going to puke.”

His brow creased a bit in the middle. “I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to start.”