Page 51 of As a Last Resort

AUSTIN

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

I sat out back at my parents’ and watched their vintage wooden speedboat rock against the dock.

I caught my first fish on that boat as a kid.

I also nursed my first broken heart on it.

When I found out about Vanessa and Tom, I drove straight to my parents’ and took it out.

I sat there with my pole for hours and didn’t catch a single fish.

Then I took it out the next day, and the next, sitting out on the water, drifting aimlessly, slowly praying that if I sat out there long enough, I could somehow throw all the hurt and betrayal in my body into the sea and watch it sink to the bottom.

Mom showed up with plate after plate of brussels sprouts and chicken casserole, thinking a full stomach would cure a broken heart. Lexi became founding member of the I Hate Vanessa Fan Club. Patrick leaned in to try and fill the hole Tom had left behind.

Everyone rallied around me, loving me harder than I’d ever been loved.

But no matter how hard they tried, the looks of pity were still there. Silent I’m so sorry s stitched in their glances. Hushed tones when I entered a room. Quick glances flickered my way when people thought I wasn’t looking.

But I slowly filled my time with other things that kept me busy. I threw myself into a job that kept me working from sunrise to sunset. I put what I wanted on the back burner to fill in for what was needed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to start the ferry business, but it wasn’t my dream job.

It was just easier to settle.

And at the time, I told myself I was okay with that.

I knew I wasn’t going to chase her to New York City.

And I was tired of doing what everyone else thought I should do.

Did I want to be with her? Yes, more than anything. But not more than my own happiness. Not more than hers.

It wasn’t that I would never move to New York.

I’d do it in a heartbeat if I thought that’s what would make her and me happy.

But I know how that works, when one person gives up themselves completely.

Vanessa chose to stay for me when in her heart, she knew she wouldn’t be happy here. It only forced her to resent me.

I wouldn’t set Sam and me up for that same fate.

Life was short. I was tired of playing things safe. Even though my heart still felt shattered into a million pieces, I wouldn’t trade the last few weeks for anything.

I took Mabel’s advice and started asking questions.

Why couldn’t I do what I wanted to do? Why couldn’t I manage the ferry business, let Patrick run the actual boat with a dependable crew, and focus on what I’ve wanted to do since I was five years old?

I didn’t need Harold to hand me his business.

I could build it from the ground up. I knew enough people, and I sure knew enough about the business.

The waves lapped against the dock. I ran my hands down my face and rubbed my eyes.

If I went down this new path, could it fail? Yes. Would it hurt? Absolutely. But it couldn’t be worse than how I already felt.

There was one thing I could do that absolutely terrified me, but excited me more. Nothing cured a broken heart better than a little bit of salt water.

ME: Deal.