Page 49 of As a Last Resort

SAMANTHA

Robby’s eyes narrowed in on me through my phone screen as I made my way to the subway. “What’s this I hear, you’re making an alternative recommendation to the board? Spill it, Leigh. What’s going on?”

“I just have a different view for this place that doesn’t include neon slides and racetracks.” Bodies slammed into me as people ran past me down the stairs to catch their train.

“Glenn’s going to be pissed. He’s at his annual Hackers Cup, which he always comes back in a bad mood from anyway. You didn’t run this through him. Or me, for that matter.”

“Well, first off, I don’t need to run things by you. This has been my project for the last month. And second, let’s call it a surprise.”

“Glenn doesn’t like surprises.” Yeah, no kidding. “Is this because I got the promotion? Listen, I tried to call you and give you a heads-up multiple times. This doesn’t mean things have to change. I know how valuable you are to Glenn and the company. To me.”

“Did that Florida sun soften up your heart, Robby?” The train pulled up and the doors opened.

“I’m serious, Samantha. Can we meet up? You’re heading to the office, right? Do you need help? I don’t want you to dive into the shallow end and break your neck.”

“I don’t think your definition of help is what I’m looking for.”

“Listen. I get that I’ve been a bit—”

“Obnoxious? Shady? Inappropriate?”

“I was going to say, hard to handle . Look, Leigh, I know going home was hard for you. But you also know I understand the home thing better than most because of the issues with my dad. Bottom line, you know what you’re doing. You’re good at your job. Let me help, please. As a peace offering.”

“I’ll think about it.” I was tempted. He seemed genuine, but I had to put everything I had on the line for this last swing for the fences moment.

“I just don’t want—” I hung up as I stepped through the subway doors. His text came through ten seconds later as the train lurched forward.

ROBBY: I’ll meet you at the office.

Or I’ll put all the mice I bought

in your house instead;)

The conference room was littered with papers, coffee cups, and take-out containers. We had been heads down sifting through numbers the entire day and night. My chest still felt like it was torn in two, but the distraction of work was at least keeping a complete meltdown at bay.

We had a basic outline of recommendations and the beginning structure of the box development plan, but it was still missing something I couldn’t put my finger on. My eyes burned.

“It’s as good as it’s going to get.” I face-planted on the desk.

“It’s better than anything they’ve got.” Ivy nodded at Robby.

“I can vouch for that.” Robby leaned back in his leather swivel chair and rubbed his eyes.

“What do you think Glenn’s going to do when he finds out you’ve joined the dark side?”

“Hey, I’m not wearing your team jersey or anything. I’m just going to sit back and watch, knowing I did everything I could to help you not drown.”

“Wow, what a pep talk,” Ivy scoffed. “Really, I’m surprised they don’t give you more people to manage.”

Robby got up and made his way to the door. “Glenn should be landing soon. See you two in the morning.” As he passed by, he squeezed my shoulder. “For real, Leigh, this is good.”

It was good, but it still didn’t feel like a done deal.

I had been ready to go toe-to-toe with Robby on the monstrosity of a development they had their mind set on.

I’d go down fighting it, but not without a whole lotta flames.

But turns out Robby was never a fan of the Water Whizz Family disaster anyway.

He wasn’t bold enough to jump ship and publicly declare his allegiance, but it was nice knowing he thought my ideas were good.

And that they made sense financially and for the good of the development.

Once Robby left, Ivy fixed her gaze on me from across the table. “Spill it.”

“Spill what?”

She straightened the last few piles of paper on the conference table and flicked a crumpled wrapper across the room, sinking it neatly into the trash. “We’ve done everything we can. There’s no work left to distract you. So, let’s have it.”

I’d spent the entire day trying not to think about Austin, but he showed up in everything we did. Every picture we sketched, every idea I pitched to the two of them. She wasn’t wrong—there was no avoiding it anymore.

“There’s nothing to be done.” I exhaled, the weight of it all finally pressing down on my chest. “He lives there. I live here. It’s not going to work. End of story.”

Ivy arched an eyebrow. “I feel like you’re leaving out a few details.”

“He also happens to be my childhood crush. And my ex–best friend’s older brother.”

“The Austin fellow?” She leaned in, curious. I gave a small nod. “Is it serious enough to want to continue it?”

I’d imagined us a thousand different ways, but nothing made sense. “Yes. No. I don’t know. Fish out of water would take on a whole new meaning with him in the city.”

“And you going back to the island is out of the question, right?”

“I’ve spent my whole life running from that place. To voluntarily go back would be a special kind of hell.”

“Tell me what’s so bad about your hometown.” Her eyes were earnest, genuinely curious as to why I couldn’t ever see myself there again.

I hesitated, then admitted, “My mother, for one.”

“Who’s in rehab.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been down this path before.”

“I thought the whole rehab thing was new for her.”

“Technically, it is. But it’s always been the same pattern. She promises to get better, stays clean for a few days—weeks if I’m lucky—then falls right back into it. Drinking, pills, or something else. It always seems to be a different kind of worse to deal with.”

“And you think it’s all on you to take care of her if you go back.”

“It is all on me. If I go back, I won’t have anywhere to hide. For the last few years I’ve been able to stay just far enough away to keep the guilt at arm’s length.”

Hope was dangerous. There was a chance Mom might change, but the odds said otherwise.

I’d been let down too many times, thinking things were different only to get a call that she needed to be picked up somewhere.

It’s the same vicious cycle over and over again.

When I was in the city, I heard about it after the fact.

If I were on the island, I’d live her addiction in real time.

No guy was worth facing my demons over and over again every single day.

Ivy folded her arms. “Is there anything else holding you back from wanting to be there?”

My eyes drifted to the empty coffee cups, the crumpled Post-its, the scattered storyboards and sketches of ice cream parlors and miniature golf courses. I was running on too little sleep and too many suppressed emotions. And somehow, Austin managed to sneak into every corner of it.

“I can’t move back for a guy, Ivy. It goes against every bone in my body.”

Her lips curled into a knowing smile. “Even if every bone in your body is in love with him?”

“Ivy.”

“What? It doesn’t take a genius to see it written all over your face. What I can’t figure out is why you’re so scared.”

I stared down at the table, knowing it was pointless to argue.

“Okay, fine. You’re right. I love everything about him.

I love the way he looks at me like I’m someone he wants to take care of.

I love how safe I feel when he’s around, like I could face anything as long as he’s by my side.

I love how he makes me laugh so hard my stomach still aches an hour later.

And the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at me…

like I could mean the world to him if I just said yes. ”

Her voice softened. “I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“That’s exactly why it won’t work. People I love— really love—they always leave. One way or another. Sometimes it’s by their own choice, but sometimes not. How I feel about him is irrelevant.”

“That makes no sense.” She shifted her chair closer, turning it to face me. “How you feel about him is the only thing that matters.”

I closed my eyes as the weight of the insecurities bubbled back up to the surface again. I rubbed my palms against the fabric of my skirt, as if I could push the fear back where it belonged. “What if I move back and it doesn’t work out?”

“If you don’t give it a chance, I can tell you with certainty that it won’t.”

I gave a small nod, unsure of what to say.

“But, Samantha.” She waited to speak until I looked up at her. “What if it does?”

But what if it does?

I swallowed the knot forming in my throat.

“Let me get through tomorrow’s board meeting first, okay?

I promise, we can talk about this again.

” She tried to cut in, but I smiled and nodded.

“I swear. I just need to use the little energy I have left for tomorrow, then I’m fair game for an intervention. Deal?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Fine. I’ll let it go for tonight. But some things are worth doing scared, Samantha.” I blinked away the tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. “Try and get some sleep. We’ve got an early start.”

I felt good about what we’d accomplished. But beneath it all, my walls were crumbling fast.

A single strand of hair escaped Ivy’s bun, the only sign of exhaustion from her after hours of brainstorming. Her eyeliner, still sharp and perfect, mocked my rumpled ponytail that flopped to one side.

“I’ll finish up here,” she said. “Go home. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Are you ever not put together?” I asked, eyeing the high heels still on her feet. “When this is over, you need to spill how you got all twelve board members to attend.”

Her smile was pure mischief. “Maybe.”

The apartment was quiet. I looked around and realized I didn’t have any pictures hung on the walls. I took out a piece of paper from my top kitchen drawer and wrote Hang some pictures at the top. I thought about who I wanted pictures of and Austin’s face was the only one I could think of.

So I crossed it out.