Page 17 of As a Last Resort

I was so thankful we could fall into a comfortable rhythm.

It felt familiar, yet something was different.

That’s the thing about best friends, right?

You can not speak for years, but pick up right where you left off, like no time had passed at all.

Being with her was so easy, but there was a hum of uncertainty pulsing through my veins as we talked.

A low electric current of self-doubt. I kept wondering when she was going to get up and walk away, done with walking down memory lane once she remembered the moment where I left her and didn’t look back.

“So, tell me about this guy,” I asked, hoping to keep the conversation going. “What’s he like? How’d you meet him? Tell me all the things.”

“Rex is one of the good ones.” Lexi’s cheeks grew rosy.

She told me about his job as an assistant football coach at Mississippi State, but how he wanted a head position.

He’s always loved high school kids, so when a position opened up to coach Rock Island’s team, he applied.

The school flew him down for the weekend and on his last night in town, he sat down in front of her at the bar. He said it was love at first sight.

“I’m sure your dad loves him.”

“I think he likes Rex more than me. Like, for real.” She laughed. “He’s a total gentleman. Completely swept me off my feet.”

She held out her hand. “Turns out his grandmother liked to collect expensive jewelry and left him this.”

“It’s stunning.”

“Thanks.” She looked down at her ring and smiled, like she was seeing all of its captured memories play out before her. “So, what about you? Are you dating anyone up in the city?”

“Was. But not anymore.” I took a long sip of coffee. I’d texted Jack (and emailed, just in case) letting him know about Robby’s situation and that I was leaving for a few weeks. I told him I wanted to touch base and at least clear the air but I hadn’t heard back from him.

“Was it serious?” she asked.

We always had this type of friendship between us where she knew what I was trying to hide anyway, regardless of what I said, so it never helped to put off the inevitable.

But the truth was, I didn’t really know how to answer the question.

Six months in terms of my average dating time wasn’t short.

But did I ever really see myself marrying him someday, owning a house with a white picket fence, a dog, and two and a half kids? No.

But I didn’t see that for myself, period.

“I guess it was an answered prayer in a way then,” she said tentatively.

“Yeah, I guess so. And he chewed with his mouth open.”

“Ugh, I hate when they do that,” she gagged.

My gaze traveled out the window down Main Street and started walking the docks of the marina.

“So,” she continued, following my eyeline, “I heard my brother brought you over. I bet it was a blast from the past seeing him and Patrick again.”

“He seems to be doing really well with the whole ferry thing.”

“I can’t tell if having Rex as the head football coach has made things better or worse for Austin.

On one hand, it took some of the heat off him, but on the other, it’s like Dad’s watching what could have been, play out right in front of him.

But with someone else. The ferry thing has worked out for him so far, but it isn’t what he wants long term.

” She started to smile and leaned in. “Do you remember when we used to sneak into his bedroom and look for his money?”

I laughed. We used to slip into his room when he was gone and dig around his closet. We would flip a coin to see who would get stuck looking in his underwear drawer, but then we’d giggle so loud, we’d always get busted by their mom.

One time when I was poking around his desk, I swiped a picture of him and his girlfriend posing on the field for homecoming.

He was in his football uniform, his shaggy hair damp from sweat with dirt streaks smeared across his football pants.

They had just been named king and queen, and his crown was crooked on his head.

It matched the smile plastered across his face.

“His girlfriend used to be so mean to us.”

Lexi scrunched her face. “Ugh, Vanessa . She was the worst.”

“She was. They were together forever. Whatever happened to her?”

“Long story. She’s not worth the time.”

Every girl at our high school was scared to death of Vanessa Worthington.

Probably because, even after she graduated, we were all still doodling Austin’s last name in our notebooks and terrified she’d find out.

Austin was the tight end of the football team and happened to be a really nice guy, too.

I would head to Lexi’s after school and we’d watch The Little Mermaid almost every day.

He said I reminded him of the seagull Scuttle, Ariel’s little sidekick.

He called me that one afternoon and it stuck.

Now that I’m older and have realized Scuttle is the weird uncle character in the story, I’m not so sure it was a compliment.

But back then I melted every time I heard it—he didn’t have a nickname for everyone.

She started clinking her ring against the wooden table. “Just so neither of us stays up wondering about it later, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for leaving.”

I turned the brown paper sleeve on my coffee cup around and around.

“It doesn’t mean it didn’t sting,” she continued, “and that I wasn’t hurt by you falling off the face of the earth.

And for the record, I wouldn’t have done it the same way.

But I get why you did and I would never, ever be mad about what happened to you or hold any sort of grudge against you because of it. ”

The sting of tears hit my eyes and I looked toward the ground, tracing the outline of the black-and-white tiles beneath my feet. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that from someone. Anyone. But coming from her, it meant the world.

“Thank you.” It was too hard to keep any sort of tie to my life here after graduation.

All I saw was pity when people looked at me.

All I felt was complete embarrassment. I couldn’t hide from it.

The only way to escape it was to literally leave town and give up everything that came with it.

Including her. I had almost called her a million times but when it came down to actually doing it, I just didn’t.

“I wish it could’ve been different.” And I meant it with every single cell in my body. “I just wasn’t the same person after that.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It doesn’t make it untrue.”

She squeezed my hand. “I have to run, but while you’re back, if there’s anything you need, like with your mom or whatever, you can always call me. Here, put your number in.” She handed me her phone. I programmed my number into it and slid it back across the table.

“I haven’t even told her I’m here yet.”

“Are you going to?”

“Eventually.”

“For real, I’m here. So is Austin.”

“Thanks.” And for the first time since I’d set foot back on the island, my heartbeat slowed just a tad.

My feet were lighter on the way back home. Whether it was the sweet feeling of potential reconciliation or the triple espresso, I’d take it.

My phone rang and my face fell. Cue the disaster. It was time to face the music.

“Hey, Mom.” I weaved my way down Main Street back to the cottages.

“What city are you in? I saw Josie and she was acting all weird and asked if I had seen you yet . What does yet mean? Where are you? What’s going on?”

She was getting more animated and hyper the more she talked. I knew my secret wouldn’t be kept for long but I was hoping to get a few more days under my belt before it all came crashing down.

“I just got to the island. I had some crazy work deadlines right away and was going to pop over tonight to say hi and surprise you,” I lied.

“Well, I’m not on the island right now. I wish you would have told me sooner. I could have planned around you being here. But I’ve already cleaned your room for you. You have fresh sheets. There’s a key under the mat. It would have been nice to get a little more notice—”

“Mom, I’m not staying at the house. I have too much to do for work and it’s easier to concentrate at the hotel.

” The line went silent. “I have lots of calls also. All day. I didn’t want to intrude on your schedule and my boss is pretty particular about distractions on calls.

The company’s paying for it too. I just thought it’d be easier. ”

“Easier for whom, dear?”

I forgot how that tone of voice crawled up my spine and stuck a needle in the back of my neck.

She bulldozed ahead. “Easier than staying here and letting me take care of you?”

Right, because that ever happened in the last ten years.

“Are you free tomorrow?” I asked, shoving the back talk down my throat.

“I’ll be back on the island tomorrow, yes. Make sure you steer clear of Mr. Crenshaw downtown. The old man’s been pulling out his privates and showing everyone lately. It’s really become quite a distraction on the street.”

“I’d imagine so.” Every call with her was a roulette wheel spin but I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Don’t touch it,” she continued. “There’s a rash or something on it. Apparently, he’s been fooling around with another patient at the assisted living—”

“Hey, Mom, I have to jump on a call real quick. I’ll stop by tomorrow,” and I hung up. Why in the world would I touch Mr. Crenshaw’s wiener? I really never knew what my conversations with her would be like.

I walked up the steps to my bungalow and plopped down in the wicker chair. I took a deep breath. The air felt just a little bit damp no matter what time of day it was.

My phone dinged.

LEXI: Hiiiiiiii, it’s Lexi

Any chance you’re free to hang tomorrow night?

ME: Mom said she’ll be here tomorrow.

I have to go say hi.

LEXI: Perfect timing.

You can say hi, then I’ll come rescue you.

ME: I prolly shouldn’t commit just in case.

You never know what could happen.

LEXI: I’ll be your scapegoat.

You could use a distraction after the fireworks.

Just for a few hours.

ME: Maybe?

LEXI: I won’t take no for an answer.

I have an idea.

I’ll pick you up at 6.