Page 7 of Anxious Hearts

Warriors.

Well, Kelly was, at least. Finn felt more like a hunted prey, but her words and her touch reassured him as they always did. Filled him with the fragile and ethereal belief that everything would be all right.

‘So, what happened to you?’ he asked.

She stood up and began to pace, which was never a good sign. There were red marks on the back of her slender legs from the edge of the couch. ‘I lost my shit.’

‘At who?’

‘Some jerk in the supermarket.’ Kelly clenched and unclenched her fists as she walked.

Though he had known her for so long, Finn was still surprised at times by the amount of rage that built up inside that tiny body.

She was five feet four inches of pure power; sometimes for good, sometimes for destruction.

Her damp hair was combed back from her face and hung at her shoulders, leaving a small wet patch at the top of her T-shirt.

It was darker before it dried, like the colour of sand after a rainstorm.

Without make-up, she looked much younger and a vision of her as an eleven-year-old girl appeared in Finn’s mind.

He saw the same determined features, the same pacing, the same clenched fists.

The same raw and dangerous beauty that hinted at the power of absolute destruction within.

‘And so I told the fucker that he should have used the self-checkout.’ She turned on Finn accusingly. ‘You know what that piece of shit said?’

Finn didn’t know, of course. But her wilting gaze made him feel like he should have. Or that he should accept responsibility for it, at least. Either way, her swearing, which was a barometer of her rage, had increased exponentially.

‘He said he hoped I had tampons in my shopping. Can you believe that? A woman experiences strong emotions, so she must be getting her period. What is this, the Middle fucking Ages?’

Finn winced, knowing that whatever she was about to tell him would not be good. ‘What did you do?’

‘What do you think I did? I took that bastard’s eggs, chucked them at him and then, when he fucking caught them, slammed them against his chest.’

Finn puffed out his cheeks. Kelly had graduated from verbal abuse to outright assault. ‘And then?’

‘I ran to my car and bawled my eyes out. When I got to your door, I realised I’d left your apartment key in my car.

I didn’t have it in me to go back downstairs, so I just waited for you.

I probably should have called your mobile, but I just preferred to sit here and cry.

’ All the fight went out of her. Her shoulders hunched and the blazing intensity faded from her eyes. She looked small and breakable.

‘And you reckon I’ve got mental problems.’

‘I couldn’t help it, Finn.’ She raised her hands and made them into fists again.

‘I’m just … I just feel on edge all the time, you know?

I’ve got this constant buzzing in my mind and body like there’s a high level electric current running through me non-stop.

When it builds up like that, there’s no other way out but to explode. ’

‘Did the guy follow you or anything?’

‘Nah, he was completely paralysed.’

‘Aggravated assault will do that to a man.’

Kelly screwed up one side of her face. ‘It was hardly assault. He got a bit of yolk on his shirt, that’s all. And he deserved it.’

‘As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.’

‘Of course, I’m safe, Finley. I’m here with you.’ Her confident smile was completely unfounded – he could no more keep her safe than he could regulate his own wild emotions.

Kelly went into his kitchen. ‘But I don’t have any groceries,’ she called. ‘So you’re going to have to spot me some cereal for the weekend. I can probably never go shopping again.’

She’s never needed an excuse to raid my pantry before, Finn thought with a smile. He admired the way she could just move on from her problem without, seemingly, giving it another thought. If Finn had done that to a man in a supermarket, he’d be absolutely catatonic right now.

‘Whatever you need, Kel.’

He found her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. She stood on tiptoes to reach the top shelf and he watched the muscles in her calves. His eyes moved further up her legs to her plump buttocks, magnificently filling out her running shorts.

She spun around sharply, her face full of mock outrage. ‘Are you staring at my arse?’

‘Don’t be disgusting. You’re my best friend.’

‘Exactly. And best friends don’t stare at their best friend’s arse, you sicko.’

They both laughed.

‘You do have a nice arse, though,’ Finn said. ‘You know, objectively speaking.’

‘Objectively speaking? What are you, a fucking lawyer?’

‘Why are you swearing at me?’

‘You a saint now as well?’

Finn rolled his eyes. ‘You can be really bloody difficult, you know that?’

‘Yeah, but wouldn’t life be boring without me, Finley?’ She placed a bowl on the countertop. ‘By the way, I’m staying here tonight. I can’t get any more study done now. Is the spare room made up?’

The spare room. It was hardly spare, the amount of times Kelly stayed overnight.

‘I haven’t changed the sheets since you were here last week.’

‘Well, why don’t you do that while I get dinner ready?’

‘You just ordered pizza.’

Kelly gaped at him and held up a packet of chips. ‘Ah, ever heard of entree? These chips aren’t going to pour themselves into the bowl, are they?’

Finn shook his head and grinned. ‘No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend.’

‘Well, Mr Know-it-All, I actually got asked out on a date.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘It’s true. Eli from study group invited me for dinner.’

‘The skinny, dorky one?’

Kelly examined a potato chip. ‘I may have been a little harsh in my original assessment.’

Finn grinned. ‘So why exactly are you taking advantage of my hospitality rather than maxing out his credit card at some fancy restaurant?’

‘One, it’s not your hospitality – I’m paying for the pizza. And, two, I was going to study. You know, before the whole egg-chucking incident.’

‘You should go out with this guy. Or someone at least. Maybe it’ll help you relax if you take a break.’

‘I don’t know how to relax.’

She wasn’t joking. Finn had never seen Kelly truly content. There was always something else to do, something more to achieve. She didn’t live in the present, only for future success.

Kelly stuffed a handful of chips into her mouth and spoke through the cacophony of her obscene crunching. ‘Anyway, why would I take relationship advice from a guy whose last actual date required a visit to Blockbuster video?’

Finn raised his chin in mock defiance. ‘For your information, I was asked out on a date of sorts as well – tonight, in fact.’

Kelly raised an eyebrow as she chewed through a mouthful of chips. ‘Of sorts?’

‘Ashley from down the corridor asked me to work out with her.’

‘The hot Italian chick?’

‘She’s Maltese.’

‘And she wants to—’ Kelly made air quotes with her fingers, ‘—“work out” with you.’

‘That she does.’

‘You know that means sex, right? You do know what sex is?’

‘I’m not having this conversation with you.’

Kelly placed her palms on the bench and leaned forwards, a playful smile on her lips. ‘All right, a deal, then. You go out with the hot Maltese chick and I’ll go out with Eli.’

Finn didn’t want to go out with Ashley. He knew it would only end badly. But Kelly desperately needed to do something other than work and study.

‘Does a gym session count as going out?’

‘Only if you have sex on the bench press.’

‘You’re a disgusting human being. I’m going to change the sheets on your bed.’ He smiled as he walked away. She was a ridiculous person who was talking a load of rubbish.

But as he walked into the spare room, he realised he hadn’t thought about the pregnant woman he’d killed since Kelly had started talking.

He sucked in a deep breath, held it for the count of two and exhaled slowly.

Kelly. His best friend.

His antidote.

His warrior.

***

Kelly fell asleep just before ten.

Finn had taken their empty bottles into the kitchen and when he came back, she was curled up on the couch like a purring cat.

Finn watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest. The slightly troubled, almost comical frown.

The occasional twitch around her eyes. He smiled.

She looked so fragile, so harmless – a sleeping koala that would claw your eyes out if you woke it up.

His body was still weak and battered from his gym session, but Finn delicately slipped his arms beneath Kelly’s knees and shoulders.

He picked her up, cradling her head in the crook of his elbow, and even though she was small and light, it took an extreme effort to hold her steady and carry her into the spare room.

He laid her down on the bed and she immediately rolled from her back onto her side, curling up again just like she had on the couch.

She was still wearing her gym shorts and T-shirt.

Finn thought about taking her shorts off to make her more comfortable, but that felt like crossing a line.

Instead, he drew the sheet up to her shoulders.

Kelly muttered incoherently and began to breathe so deeply, she was verging on snoring.

‘I will not be the one who tells you that you snore,’ Finn whispered with a grin.

A little later, when he was in his own bed, he could still hear her breathing. A rhythmic lullaby that transported him to that delicious half-world between sleep and consciousness where nothing matters and everything is possible. Finn delighted in the freedom, but it never lasted long enough.

He fell hard and deep into a blackout sleep.