Page 22 of Anxious Hearts

Kelly grabbed her backpack from the spare room and flung it over her shoulder as she heard Finn come in. ‘I’ve left a surprise in the toilet for you!’ she called. She sniggered as she walked out of the room, amused at her own capacity for juvenile humour. Must be all that time she spent with kids.

She was still chuckling when she saw Finn and Ashley standing in the middle of the apartment. Finn was shaking his head. Ashley didn’t seem to know where to look.

Kelly’s face burned red. Fuck, how embarrassing. ‘Sorry, Ashley, I didn’t realise you were here.’

‘Evidently,’ Finn said with a ridiculous grin.

‘Okay, yeah, well, let’s all move on from that,’ Kelly said. She turned to Ashley. ‘Finn tells me you’re a fashion designer. I heard you took him to your show.’

The goddess smiled. ‘That’s a bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t my show. But I was showing some of my outfits.’

Kelly nodded, trying to understand how a 23-year-old had managed to get her designs into a fashion show.

She knew she shouldn’t say anything, but she couldn’t help herself.

She’d worked so bloody hard to get where she had that anyone whose success seemed to come easily felt like a natural enemy.

‘So you got into fashion design through your modelling? Is that what got you into the show?’

Ashley tilted her head and pushed out her bottom lip ever so slightly. ‘I’m not a model,’ she said.

‘Oh, really. I thought Finn said that you were.’

‘I said everyone mistakes her for a model,’ Finn said.

‘Right,’ she said. ‘Which is exactly what I’ve just done. Judged you on your looks, not your talent. So much for being a paragon of the feminist cause. Don’t tell my Instagram followers.’

Ashley laughed. It had a childlike quality that Kelly couldn’t help but find endearing. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said. ‘It happens all the time.’

‘Most people think I’m a nurse when they look at me.’

Ashley seemed genuinely puzzled. ‘Why?’

‘Well, partly because I’m small but mostly because I’m a woman.’

‘Nurses are all small?’

Kelly chuckled. ‘No, and they’re not all women, either.’

‘Well, you look like a doctor to me.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘I’ve only met you a couple of times but you’re clearly brilliant.’

Kelly blushed.

‘And you’ve got a weird sense of humour. I think that’s a doctor thing.’

Kelly laughed. ‘I think you might be right. Okay, I’m out. Gotta study for my clinical nursing exam.’

‘Bye, Kelly, it was good to see you again,’ Ashley said.

‘Yeah, see ya, Kel,’ Finn said.

‘Help me with my bag, will you?’ Kelly said to him.

He took the bag from her hands and followed her out to the lift. She reclaimed her bag.

‘What are you doing?’ he said.

‘When have I ever needed you to help me carry my bag?’

‘Never.’

‘Exactly. I wanted you out here to make sure you’re okay after, you know, the telethon.’

‘Yeah, I’m all right.’

‘Good, because that girl in there is absolutely hot for you.’

‘You think so?’

‘Come on. She looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Kim Kardashian and she’s waiting around for you to come home. You can’t tell me she doesn’t have a better option than wandering the halls, hoping you’ll suddenly appear.’

‘How do you know what Kim Kardashian looks like?’

‘Stop changing the subject, get back in there and, I don’t know, try to be charming or something.’

Finn raised an eyebrow. ‘Charming?’

‘Or funny. Or sophisticated. Whatever it is super-hot 23-year-old fashion designers find appealing.’

‘Have you ever thought about being a couples counsellor?’

Kelly laughed. ‘Get out of my sight, Don Juan.’

Finn winked. ‘Thanks, Kel.’

‘You’re welcome.’

Kelly stepped back into the lift and watched Finn return to his apartment.

A tiny part of her heart fractured, again.

Just the tiniest hairline fracture. One that you would barely see on an X-ray, but, when combined with the all the others, would eventually cause her heart to break forever.

How many times would she do this? Stand there while the doors closed on her and Finn?

***

Kelly stared at her notes. Read them again.

Deliberately slowed down to digest the words and numbers.

But nothing made sense. Nothing was sinking in.

How could it when all she could think about was Finn and Ashley and what they were doing right now?

After running into each other following yesterday’s telethon, they’d arranged a second date for tonight.

Finn had tried to play it cool when he told Kelly they were having a ‘night in’, but he was clearly looking forward to it.

She pushed her chair back from her desk and stretched her arms above her head. Her vertebrae popped, releasing some of the tension that was locked in her spine. She groaned.

Her phone buzzed – a message from her mother about plans for Easter Sunday tomorrow.

Kelly gave a thumbs-up back. She looked at her other unread messages, which she’d been ignoring all day.

She wasn’t a slave to her phone like everyone else in the world; Kelly answered messages when she was ready and on her terms. But when she read Eli’s congratulatory texts after seeing her on the Care for our Kids Appeal, she almost wished she’d responded when he’d sent them last night.

Could she text him now and ask him to come over and study?

Help get her mind off Finn and Ashley and back to what was actually important?

It was eight o’clock. Was that too late?

Would it make her look desperate? Or give him the wrong idea?

It’s not like it’s a two a.m., drunk, booty-call message .

She would make it clear that she wanted to study.

Was having trouble focusing. Could use his help.

He responded almost immediately.

Half an hour later, there was a knock at her door.

***

They’d been running through cases for less than an hour, but Kelly was already exhausted.

Eli’s arrival had done nothing to help her focus.

In fact, it had probably just made it more complicated.

Throwing her feelings for Eli into the mix had just stirred the whirlpool that was already threatening to drag her under.

And what were those feelings? She didn’t know.

Or at least, she wasn’t sure. She liked him.

She enjoyed spending time with him. He was smart and funny and good looking – although he could use a haircut – but what future could they possibly share?

The three years after the exam would be just as brutal as life was now.

How did a couple build a relationship when they barely saw each other?

No, it couldn’t work. You either had to be married before you started this process, which would be too early, or you waited until it was all done, which would be dangerously close to being too late.

‘Are you feeling all right? You’re not sick, are you?’

Eli’s voice broke her reverie and she actually blushed. It felt like he’d been listening to her thoughts.

‘Sick of you asking questions that aren’t about juvenile diabetes.’

‘If you were a type of diabetes, you’d be the juvenile kind.’

‘For someone who’s allegedly quite clever,’ Kelly said, ‘that’s an idiotic comment.’

Eli smiled. ‘You think I’m clever?’

‘I said allegedly.’

Eli’s smile widened. ‘You’re off your game. Must be the superstardom of being on television for three and a half minutes.’

They’d talked about her appearance when Eli first arrived.

He congratulated her and said she’d handled the kiss situation well.

Kelly had reaffirmed her position that she and Finn were just friends and, although Eli hadn’t argued, there had been a slight strain in his voice when he proposed they get started on studying.

Kelly didn’t want to go back to that discussion. She sighed. ‘I’m not off my game. I just don’t feel like studying anymore.’

Eli gripped the table as if they’d been hit by a major earthquake and he was trying to hold himself steady. Kelly grinned reluctantly.

‘Well, now I really know something is wrong,’ Eli said. He stood up and put out his hand. ‘Come on, let’s move from the case studies to the practical components of the exam. I’m going to conduct an examination to work out what serious malady assails you.’

Kelly remained seated but her grin became a smile. ‘It’s a paediatrics exam. I’m not a child.’

Eli bobbed his head from left to right and hummed indecisively. ‘Not a child, but certainly childish enough.’ He extended his other hand.

Kelly raised an eyebrow but decided to play along. Why not? She wasn’t going to get anything productive done. Finn was in his apartment with the Tomb Raider; why shouldn’t she have some fun with Eli, even if it couldn’t go anywhere?

She stood up and put both her hands in his own.

Eli led her to the couch and adopted a mock serious frown. ‘Lie down, please.’

‘Bit forward, isn’t it?’ Kelly said.

‘Try to maintain some professionalism, doctor. This is a serious medical matter.’

Kelly lay on her back and joined her hands over her stomach. She relaxed into the cushions, allowed them to absorb all her weight and anxiety. It felt calming and safe to simply stop and lie still.

Eli knelt beside the couch. ‘All right, so we’re looking for any symptoms related to CFS.’

‘You think I’ve got chronic fatigue?’

‘Actually, no. It’s the more serious variant – Couldn’t be Fucked Syndrome.’

Kelly giggled. Eli rarely swore so it was shockingly entertaining when he did.

‘Now, when did this feeling first come over you?’

‘Um, let me think … I first noticed it when I was about six.’

Eli grunted. ‘That’s an extremely long time to be living with CFS. You’ve managed it very well.’

‘I also have multiple borderline psychotic personality disorders that balance it out.’

‘Is that right? And how do they manifest?’

‘Compulsive behaviour. Addiction to success. Inability to stop despite the deep and aching fatigue in my bones.’

‘Perfectionism, then?’

‘In all but my choice of study partners.’