Page 23 of Anxious Hearts

Eli chuckled. ‘That’s enough history. Let’s begin the physical.’

Kelly’s breath caught in her chest. What would he do? How would he touch her? Where would he touch her? Would he be crude and obvious or gentle and subtle? She actually found herself longing to find out. Desperate for his touch. Giddy with the anticipation.

For fuck’s sake, I’m behaving like a teenage girl .

But when his hand gently rested on her forehead, a wave of warm comfort flowed through her body. Her limbs became simultaneously dense and weightless, and her mind zeroed in on the unexpected roughness of the skin on his hands.

‘No temperature,’ Eli said. ‘That’s a good start. Let’s check your pulse.’ He placed two fingers on her throat.

Kelly willed her heart to beat steadily but she could feel it begin to race.

‘Mildly elevated pulse,’ Eli said. His lips remained slightly parted when he stopped talking and Kelly could see his chest rapidly rising and falling with his shallow breathing.

He shook his head in a short, violent burst, as though he was snapping himself out of a spell. ‘All right, let’s check your reflexes.’ His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat as he took his fingers away from her throat.

Gentle and subtle. That’s what Eli had chosen. Kelly realised that’s what she’d wanted, and, despite the fragility of his touch, his choice had driven her to the sharp point of extreme desire. She had no more patience for his chivalrous examination.

Kelly snapped her arm out and grabbed Eli’s T-shirt collar in her fist. She twisted it and dragged him towards her face. His eyes flew wide in shock, possibly fear, but when she held him a whispered breath away from her, he smiled.

‘I think you’ve done enough examining,’ Kelly said.

She looked into his deep brown eyes. That was a stupid thing to do.

Reckless and impulsive and ill-advised. But she wanted to feel his lips on her own.

His body against hers. She wanted to feel more than loneliness.

More than the suppressed aching desire to have and yet be denied another.

Kelly let go of Eli’s T-shirt and ran her fingers through his dense curls. They were softer and silkier than she could possibly have imagined. She groaned weakly. ‘Never cut your hair,’ she said. And then she drew him to her and their lips were together, their breath combined.

They explored, nudged, tested and discovered each other through kiss until Kelly wanted more.

She slipped out from beneath Eli and pushed him onto the couch.

He spun onto his back and stared up at her with a look that said more than a thousand poets could compose in a thousand years.

She straddled his legs and slipped her hands under his T-shirt.

She ran her fingers from his belly to his shoulders. His body was lean and hairless.

Eli watched her the whole time. Never took his eyes off her own.

She worked her hands back down his body and drew them out from under his T-shirt. She undid the top button of his shorts but made it no further before he gently clasped her hands and turned them outwards.

‘Wait,’ he said. ‘I’ve never asked you. But I’ve got this weird feeling that I need to now.’

Kelly stiffened. The warm, languid blood that had flowed so freely through her only a moment earlier seemed to freeze in her very veins.

She knew exactly what he was going to ask.

She had seen him staring. Seen all of her study group staring.

But nobody had dared. Perhaps they sensed it was too personal, too intimate.

That to ask would be crossing an irrevocable line.

‘What do the tattoos mean?’ he said.

Kelly swallowed hard. ‘Don’t ask me that, Eli. Not now.’

He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. ‘So I was right. I did need to ask you before we went any further.’

Kelly jerked her hands from his grip and whipped her right leg behind her so she could get off him and stand beside the couch. Her frozen blood turned immediately to fire. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to ask her? What right did he have? Who did he think he was?

‘Well, we’re certainly not going any fucking further tonight, that’s for sure.’

Eli swung his long legs over the couch and planted his feet on the floor. The hurt in his eyes was a dagger in her heart. ‘Wait a minute, what did I do wrong?’

‘What did you do wrong?’ Kelly started pacing the room. ‘You couldn’t just let it go. You had to ask. Had to know. Had to have some kind of claim on me. Like you owned me.’

Eli’s face hardened. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

Kelly spun around and yelled: ‘Don’t you fucking swear at me, Eli. In fact, get the fuck out of my apartment!’

Eli took a deep breath and drew his shoulders back. He did up the top button of his shorts with such stately dignity that Kelly burned with shame at her own behaviour. He stood up, collected his bag and walked to the door.

Kelly’s throat tightened. Her bottom lip trembled.

Eli opened the door and turned to face her, his face impassive. ‘What do they mean?’

Kelly sniffed loudly and wiped her wrist across her nose.

All the fight was gone. The rage, the indignity, the mania – all gone.

‘They’re two different versions of the word “warrior” in Gaelic.

’ She was barely whispering now. She turned her left wrist towards him first. ‘Ceallach. Kelly.’ And then her right. ‘Fionn.’

Eli nodded. Cleared his throat before rasping the words: ‘Kelly and Finn.’

He walked out, and the door closed behind him.