Page 15 of Anxious Hearts

Finn had warned Ashley that they would be photographed. It’s just a part of his job, he’d said, and she hadn’t seemed fazed by it in the slightest. Finn figured that when you looked like Ashley, having your picture taken wasn’t such a big deal. It wasn’t like she’d ever take a bad shot.

But when they’d arrived at the fashion show, even he had been unprepared for the level of attention.

Ashley stepped out of the car first, so Finn could only see what was framed by the door.

There was a red carpet, of course, a crowd and then an explosion of light.

How had they even known he was in the car?

They were pretty sophisticated with their tracking, but this felt next level.

Had a celebrity scout seen him leave his apartment and reported it to a pap at the event?

But he wasn’t that big a star – could he not even leave his house without them knowing?

Finn straightened his jacket, took a deep breath and deployed his celebrity smile.

Esme had helped him master the look with unrelenting zeal.

Confident but not arrogant. Smoky but not too sexy.

Mischievous but not petty criminal. He had to appeal to the mums, the teenage daughters of the mums, the pre-teen daughters of the mums, the dads, the young adult women and the young men so they wanted to be him but not be jealous of him.

‘So, essentially, everybody,’ Finn had said to Esme.

She had thrown her hands in the air in a triumphant flourish. ‘Now you’re getting it, Finley, my boy. The Smile for All Seasons!’

But when he stepped out of the car, not a single camera swivelled his way.

His Smile for All Seasons was, impossibly, suddenly out of season.

Even when he caught up to Ashley, who was posing two paces ahead of him, the cameras still devoured her to the point that one photographer actually asked him to step out of the shot.

He stood and watched from the sidelines as Ashley didn’t so much have her photo taken as demand her photo be taken.

It was a complete transformation from the Ashley that Finn knew.

The one who seemed guileless and even unworldly at times, young and inexperienced and malleable.

That Ashley was gone, replaced by a fierce, calculating, unbending commander who would consume you with her strength.

Finn had never seen anybody who was in such total control of the world around them.

It was intoxicating – and utterly terrifying at the same time.

Ashley extended a long arm to Finn to signal that he could now approach. He took her hand and stood so close he could smell her ambrosial perfume.

‘Hey, that’s Finn Walsh,’ one of the photographers yelled. The pack, which had been slowly moving on to the next person to hit the carpet, now swung back to Ashley and Finn like a school of fish through the ocean.

Ashley squeezed Finn’s hand. ‘Smile, Finn,’ she said. ‘You’re going to be in the paper.’

***

‘Great shot, mate!’ Finn’s dad said.

Finn smiled.

‘See how your front arm stayed up? That’s how you keep the bat straight. Otherwise, that ball would have hit the stumps and you’d be halfway back to the pavilion by now.’

‘But we’re in the nets.’

‘We might be in the nets, Finster, but always practise like you’re in the middle of the MCG.’ Finn’s dad winked and patted him on the helmet.

Finn adjusted his box and watched his dad walk back to the stumps.

His new cricket set was the greatest thing ever.

Proper helmet, gloves, pads and, best of all, the box to protect his nuts.

It was a little hard to run with that plastic cup shoved into his underpants, but it made him feel like an Australian player.

And it meant his dad would bowl the harder ball at him too.

His dad took up his position at the top of the pitch.

Finn adjusted his stance: feet shoulder width apart; back leg slightly further to the off side; bat angled towards first slip.

He touched the bat twice on the ground as his dad ran in.

Then he held it slightly off the fake grass and watched his dad’s right hand through the grille on his helmet.

A bead of sweat dripped down his cheek, but he ignored it; all his focus was on the red ball about to launch.

It left his dad’s hand and moved fast through the air.

Finn could see that it was going to bounce outside off stump, so he stepped forwards to meet it and swung his bat in a single, straight, fluid motion just like his dad had taught him.

The crack of bat on ball was the best sound in the world.

The ball slammed into the net and ricocheted back to his dad, who was jogging towards it with his cheeks puffed out.

‘Oohhh,’ he said. ‘That was your best shot today. Beautiful cover drive. I think I might have taught you too well. I can’t get you out! ’

Finn couldn’t have stopped the smile that burst across his face even if he’d wanted to. ‘My head’s all sweaty,’ he said. ‘Can I bowl for a while?’

His dad laughed. ‘Of course, mate. But only if you promise not to bowl too fast.’ He knelt down and started undoing Finn’s pads.

Finn slid off his gloves and unbuckled his helmet.

He watched his dad. He was tall, like Finn, and he had to stoop over to reach the pads.

His hair was fair and curled over his collar.

There was a dark line of sweat down the back of his grey T-shirt.

His big hands moved quickly over the pads and soon the air ran up Finn’s legs.

‘All right,’ his dad said, standing up. ‘Let’s see how many sixes I can hit in one over.’

‘Yeah, right, Dad. You’ll be lucky if I don’t bowl you out six times.’

His dad laughed. ‘That’s my boy. Never let a trash talker out trash you.’

He walked to the stumps, picked up the bigger bat and took up his stance. He was wearing his football shorts, which Finn thought was so wrong on a cricket pitch. ‘Do your worst!’ he called.

Finn lined up the stumps, adjusted his grip on the ball and charged in. He kept his arm straight and led with his hips, putting as much of his body weight as possible into the delivery. When he let the ball go, he knew it was perfect.

There was no better feeling in all the world.

***

The next day was Sunday and Finn dressed in his cricket whites for breakfast.

His mum gave him a bowl of cereal and a cup of milk. ‘Need to keep those bones strong, Finley. You don’t want to fall and break your arm.’

His mum was always saying stuff like that. Don’t run in the house in case you slip and crack your head open . Ride your bike slowly over driveways in case a car pulls out and kills you . Eat your vegetables so you don’t end up with bowel cancer . Whatever that was.

She sat down with Finn at the table and ruffled his hair. ‘All dressed for the day?’

‘Me and Dad are going to the nets again.’

She smiled, but it wasn’t one of her real smiles. It was her worried smile.

Finn finished his breakfast and cleaned his teeth.

He double-checked that all his cricket gear was in his bag at the front door.

Then he went into his mum and dad’s bedroom.

It was dark but a little bit of light was coming in under the curtains, so Finn could make out his dad’s big body lying in the bed.

He went round to his side to wake him up but saw that his dad’s eyes were wide open and staring.

‘Can we go to the nets now, Dad?’

His dad blinked but didn’t answer.

‘Dad?’

His dad looked at him and Finn knew he was having one of his days.

‘Not right now, mate. Maybe a little later when I’m not so tired.’

Finn placed his hand on his dad’s prickly cheek.

‘Okay, Dad. Whenever you’re ready.’

A tear ran from his dad’s eye onto Finn’s hand. He wiped it on his cricket pants.

His dad didn’t get out of bed all day.

***

‘This is it, Dee. This is the one we’ve been waiting for. The big one that’ll solve all our problems.’

Finn watched his mum and dad through a crack in the door. He was supposed to be in bed, but his dad was talking so loudly, it was impossible to get to sleep. They were sitting at the dinner table looking at a bunch of papers. Finn’s dad stood up and began to walk around the room.

‘Imagine it, baby. We could finally take that holiday we’ve been talking about. You could work less shifts. I’d be home more. We could even have a little brother or sister for Finn.’

Finn felt a sudden burst of excitement. A little brother could be really cool.

Annoying, of course, when they’re little, just like Pete’s baby brother, Billy.

That kid was soooo annoying. But Finn could teach him how to play cricket and then he’d never spend another day in his whites without anyone to bowl to.

A little sister would be less cool, but he guessed girls could play cricket as well if they had a good coach. Which he would be.

Finn’s dad stopped walking and turned back to his mum. ‘I mean, not straight away, of course. It’s an investment, so it’ll take about eighteen months to build and sell the apartments. But when that profit comes in, we keep half, reinvest the rest. Do that over and over. We can’t lose!’

Finn’s mum was at the head of the table facing the kitchen door. She was staring at the papers and chewing her bottom lip. ‘It sounds like a terrible risk, Shane. I mean, what if something goes wrong? We’d lose it all.’

Finn’s dad rubbed his mum’s shoulders. He spoke more softly. ‘Every big investment has some risk. That’s how millionaires make their money. But we’re going in safe on this one. It’s a guaranteed return. We’ve got it in writing.’

‘Do we need a lawyer?’

‘What for? All they’ll do is eat away the profits. I’m a builder, Dee. I understand how this works.’

‘It’s not you I’m worried about.’

Finn’s dad knelt down beside his mum and placed his hand on top of hers. ‘I’d never do anything to put you or Finn at risk, you know that.’

‘I know.’

‘But I really think this is our chance and we don’t want to let it pass us by. Darryl’s a straight-up guy and I trust him. This company he’s working with is the real deal. They’ve built apartments all over the country.’

Finn’s mum tried to smile but it looked more like she was in pain. She stood up and his dad did the same. He was much taller than her and when she hugged him, Finn almost lost sight of her altogether. All he could see was his dad’s back and his mum’s arms wrapped around his waist.

‘All right. Let’s do it.’

His dad whooped and lifted his mum in the air, spinning her around in a circle.

She squealed like one of the girls in Finn’s class and when his dad put her down, her face was red and her eyes were bright.

She wore a pink dress that ran down to her knees.

She didn’t have shoes or socks on. Her long, dark hair was in a ponytail and when she looked up at Finn’s dad, she looked pretty. Finn always thought she looked pretty.

Today, though, she looked happy as well.