Page 35 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER THIRTY

“I don’t understand why you won’t just come visit. You’re like a five-minute drive.”

“You know why,” Serenity muttered into the phone. “Jane, I told you and Noah that if you breathe a word to Reese that I’m living in Rocky Ridge, I’ll murder you both.”

Jane let out an exasperated sigh. “Yeah, we’re not going to say anything. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try to sneak?—”

“It totally does mean I can’t sneak onto the property! He’ll see the car and start asking questions. Then the boys will?—”

“But it’s Christmas Eve. You’re supposed to spend it with family.”

“I’ll visit Mom and Dad tomorrow. I always do.”

Her sister released another groan that was far too exaggerated to be real. “I know he’s going to want to see you. And I know you want to see him. What I don’t understand is why you want to torture yourself by not?—”

“It will be torture to see him, Jane,” she murmured quietly.

“It’ll be torture to see him, touch him, and know that in a few days, he’ll be gone again.

I know you don’t understand what’s going through my head, and I’m not asking you to.

I’m just asking that you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t think my heart would be able to take seeing him in person when there are no guarantees that we’ll end up together. ”

Serenity didn’t have to see her sister to sense the fury coming off her.

She was probably on the other end of this phone call rolling her eyes and wanting to curse her out.

Serenity didn’t know what Jane said to Noah to keep him from telling anyone.

Leo had been too distracted by Kat’s visit for him to realize where Serenity now resided, according to Jane.

Thankfully, for the most part, she’d managed to fly under the radar.

“It’s not fair to him, you know that, right? If he asks me to give him your address, what am I supposed to say? I’m sure he’s going to want to visit.”

“I don’t know. Make up an excuse. Tell him that I went out of town with the kids somewhere.”

“Serenity,” Jane admonished.

“What?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, then Jane’s cold words came across loud and clear.

“When are you going to accept that you can’t control everything?

At some point, you have to enjoy your life.

No one knows better than you that life is too short.

It could change in an instant. What if Reese’s plane crashes on the way back to Georgia? ”

Serenity’s stomach roiled, and she held a hand to it to quell her unease. She hadn’t thought about it that way. If this was the last time she’d be able to spend time with Reese, would she want to squander it?

No.

Tears prickled at her eyes, and she let out a heavy breath. “I’ll think about it.” That wasn’t really the problem. Seeing Reese at all had been the only thing she’d been able to think about over the last several days. And whenever she did, it made her sick to her stomach.

There was one point where she ran to the restroom just in case she lost control of the nausea.

“You should.”

“And what do you think would happen if I asked him to stay?” Her voice was so small then, she wasn’t sure her sister could hear her. This was a fear she’d had from the moment that Reese had asked about meeting up when he came to visit. “Because I think I know what would happen.”

“And what’s that?” Jane asked.

“I think he’d do it. Or at least, he’d consider it.”

More silence followed. Then, “Would that be so bad?”

Serenity scoffed. “Of course it would.”

“No, I mean, would it be so bad to have found someone who was willing to put you first? When are you going to allow others to love you like you deserve? When are you going to open up your heart to that possibility again?”

“I’m willing, Jane. I’m ready to be in love again.

I am in love.” She shut her eyes tight, and a tear slipped free.

“I want to be with him—so much it hurts. I want to throw caution to the wind and allow myself to really live again. But I’m not going to be the person to stand in his way of his dream.

It’d be better after he’s done with his program. ”

“Don’t you think you owe it to him to let him make that decision?”

“You’re the one who wanted to enlist him as part of your pet project. What do you think? What kind of person do you want working for you? Someone who is willing to walk away from their responsibilities for some girl? Or someone who prioritizes their work?”

“You’re not just some girl, Serenity. And honestly?

I know him well enough by now that I don’t see it the same way you do.

I see a man who is willing to prioritize a family—and that’s the kind of person I want working for me.

Nothing is more important than family, Serenity.

And whether you want to admit it or not, Reese has managed to enter yours. ”

Her words stuck to the bottom of Serenity’s stomach like a stone in water. Not for the first time, Jane had made a good point. The only thing holding Serenity back was the fact that she didn’t want to make Reese choose between his dreams and her. Maybe he wouldn’t have to.

She just had to be brave.

“Look, I’ve got to go. I’m making some cookies for the party tonight. You should think about coming.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

“Serenity,” Jane warned.

She laughed. “I said I’d think about it. I’ll call you if I decide to come. I’m taking the kids ice skating. They extended hours for the outdoor rink.”

“Have fun,” Jane sighed, resignation in her voice.

“Thanks—for everything.”

“Are we going to talk to Reese today?”

Serenity glanced down at Tegan, who had refused to hold her hand as they skated on the ice. His nose was already red, and it matched his cheeks. Jessi was at her other side, gripping her hand like it was a lifeline.

Tegan had always been the more fearless out of the two, and for once in her life, she wished she could take that characteristic and make it her own.

“I’m sure he’s busy. It’s Christmas Eve, kiddo.”

“That’s why we should call him. To tell him Merry Christmas.”

She offered him a smile. “We’ll see.”

He frowned, clearly not liking her decision.

Ever since she’d been a child, she’d been cautious. She didn’t ever just jump into anything. It had taken her several weeks to decide to move to Rocky Ridge. It had taken even longer to accept that she would wait for Reese to come home in the fall of next year before they committed to anything.

But she would.

Serenity was all in. She simply wasn’t prepared to make anything happen right now. Reese had a different personality. He seemed like the type to close his eyes and cannonball into the unknown because his heart told him it would be fun.

Sighing, she glanced down at Tegan again. “I’m sure we could call him. I just need to make sure it’s the right time.”

His frown didn’t leave.

“What’s the matter?”

There was no hesitation on Tegan’s part when he answered. “I know you love him. And I know he loves you. I told you that it was okay.”

She smiled, though it was a sad one. “I know, bud. But it’s not as simple as you think it might be.”

“You loved Dad. And you married him. You should marry Reese.”

Her heart ached, pulsating in her chest with pain each time it stumbled in its beats.

“Yes, I did love Dad. And I have fallen in love with Reese. And one day…” She reached for his hand and held it tight.

“One day, I think Reese and I could get married. But those things take time. And they’re nothing that you should be worrying yourself about. ”

“You’re wrong,” he muttered, pulling his hand free.

She let out a laugh. “About which part?”

“That I shouldn’t have to worry.”

That gave her pause, and she slowed to a stop. “Of course I’m right. Tegan, you’re still young. You’re my child. I have a responsibility to make sure that you’re happy and healthy?—”

“And I’m the man of the house. That means I need to make sure you’re happy.”

Any argument she might have made died in her throat. What was she supposed to say to that? Who had even told him what that meant?

Tegan stared up at her unabashed. “Reese said that I’m the man of the house since I’m oldest. And that means I have a responsibility to take care of you and Jessi.”

Reese .

She was tempted to get upset, to call Reese up right this moment and tell him that he didn’t have any right to talk with her son on this topic.

But at the same time, a warmth spread through her body at how this had come about.

Reese, in his usual way, had given her space.

He let her choose the speed with which they’d been getting closer—even while the physical distance had grown.

But Reese had also accounted for what were probably his own worries.

“When did Reese say this to you?”

Tegan shrugged.

“Tegan,” she drawled, “I want to know when Reese might have said that to you so I can figure out whether or not to be cross with him.”

Concern replaced the stubborn attitude that had been etched so clearly into her son’s face. “You can’t get mad.”

“And why not?” She bit back a smile.

“Because…” He looked away, and for a moment, she wondered if he might get emotional himself. “Because I love you. And Reese loves you. And… sometimes you need help so that you can love you, too.”

That had done it. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and nothing would be able to stop them. That’s what it always came down to, wasn’t it? How many other women in the world prioritized others above themselves whether out of selflessness or fear?

Countless. She was certain of it.

Men were no different. Sacrifices were easy to make when it came down to making sure loved ones had everything they needed.

“Did I make you sad?” Tegan asked in a small voice.

She shook her head. “No. I’m just… so proud of you.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Really?”

Serenity dropped down to her knees and pulled them both in for tight hugs before kissing each of them on the forehead. “I love you both, so much.”

When Tegan pulled back, he wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. “Does this mean we can call Reese?”

She tilted her head and gave him a nervous smile. “How about we pay him a visit, instead?”