Page 22 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

They sat beneath a tree several yards away from the house where the boys were currently preoccupied. Reese had his arms around Serenity’s waist as she leaned against his chest, and they watched the colors fill the sky.

He still loved sunrises, but he’d started to associate Serenity with the sunsets.

Her time here was running out, and she still didn’t have a plan for what she wanted to do when it was time to enroll Tegan in school. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to worry.

This right here? It was what he called happiness.

Reese rested his chin atop Serenity’s head. They could sit like this for hours and not need the complication of words just to fill the void. He could sense her fears, her worries, and the tension that came from keeping her sons out of the loop.

Out of the two, Jessi would definitely bounce back from such a confession. Tegan? That boy would struggle.

After the confrontation he’d had with his mother, Tegan had started to shut down around Reese.

The kid was far more attentive than he’d given him credit for.

He’d likely noticed the shift of demeanor between his mother and the man who had taught him how to ride.

Getting a smile out of him was like trying to squeeze blood from a stone.

Serenity sighed, and his arms tightened around her. He wouldn’t let her leave. Not yet. He needed to soak up this feeling of rightness for as long as he could before she went her way and he went his.

“What’s bothering you?” he whispered into her hair.

“You know what’s bothering me.”

Yes, he did. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to speak it out loud because he feared that it would be what tipped Serenity over the edge and made her realize she couldn’t handle this double life they were leading.

“I don’t know what to do,” Serenity said. Her voice shook slightly. “Tegan refused to talk to me at dinner tonight. No matter what I asked him, he wouldn’t answer. Jane thinks I should take him to see a therapist.”

“And what do you think?”

“I think I can’t.”

He frowned, grateful that she couldn’t see his reaction. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to see one, and I know that is what will come up. If I don’t have to see one, then why should he?”

Reese bit back the response he really wanted to give. Would it be so bad if you did? That way of thinking wasn’t going to help her. She’d have to come to the realization all on her own. He hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps you should still bring it up.”

She shook her head. “He’ll argue. I already know he will. Especially with the way he’s been behaving lately.”

“Maybe I could talk to him?”

This time, her body tensed. He almost missed it, but when she reached for his arms so she could pry them from around her waist, he refused to budge.

“Serenity,” he warned. “You can’t do that.”

“I can’t do what? Go home and get ready for bed?”

“Run. I’m not going to let you run from me just because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared,” she insisted. “I’m frustrated. I’m a failure of a mother because I didn’t notice that he needed help before now.”

“You are not a failure,” he ground out. “You are one of the strongest, smartest mothers I know. Those boys need you and everything you can give them. Tegan is struggling, but what seven-year-old boy wouldn’t after losing his father?”

She attempted to pull away again, and when she wasn’t getting anywhere, she craned her head so she could get a look at him. “That’s just it. I’m his mother. He needs a father, and he doesn’t have one. I’m supposed to compensate so?—”

“I know you don’t want to listen to me, but you’re here, and I’m not letting you go. You’re doing the best you can. You’re paying attention. You’re present . Tegan will get through this just like Jessi, and so will you.”

Serenity searched his gaze for several moments, and then she relaxed against him. “And you think it would make a difference if you talked to him? Isn’t he mad at you, too?”

He chuckled. “Not… angry . I’d say he was suspicious.

If I had to guess, I’d say that perhaps he’s wondering why it is that you’re happier lately, and that I might have something to do with it.

It’s true what they say about misery. It loves company, and your son still needs to heal.

He wants to know that the other people who were important to Finn still miss him. ”

She was quiet again for a long moment. “Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.”

“Of course it does.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. “If you’re okay with it, I’ll talk to him—see what it is he’s struggling with. I lost a dad, too.”

Serenity reached up with her hand and placed a palm to his cheek. “I almost forgot about that.”

He turned his face to her palm and kissed her there.

“It’s hard to figure out your life after a loss like that.

Tegan is doing really well with the resources he has.

And maybe you’ll still consider therapy.

” Reese could already imagine her rolling her eyes at his statement.

“It’s not as bad as you think. I survived. ”

She didn’t respond to that, and he wasn’t going to make her.

They were going to revel in this moment for a little longer, then Serenity would slip away back to her home.

He didn’t know if she’d actually consider therapy or if she’d stick with the idea of him having a little chat with Tegan.

For now, it was an option that was on the table for her to take if she so desired.

Today was a good day. Tegan was in a better mood lately, and heaven knew why that was. Jessi had wanted to go run errands with his mother and his aunt, which left Reese to have more one-on-one time with Tegan.

That also meant he could do more in their lessons.

“What do you say you and I go for a ride?”

Tegan eyed him with curiosity. “Like go on a trail or something?”

“Exactly. We don’t really get to do much of that when your brother is practicing, but since he’s not here…” Reese smiled and gave a lift of his shoulder. “What do you think?”

Slowly, a smile spread across Tegan’s face. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

That had to be a good sign, right? The kid might even be open to having a conversation about his father. Though, Reese was all too aware of the fact that he’d have to tread carefully. One wrong move, and the kid would likely never speak to him again. Heck, he might even refuse to go riding.

It took no time at all for Reese to saddle his horse and get them out on the trail. Tegan wasn’t a chatterbox usually, and that proved to be the case as they plodded along. There was an inquisitive look on his face that Reese wanted nothing more than to investigate.

“What are you thinking about, bud?”

Tegan shrugged.

“Now, I know that’s not the truth.”

This time, he was given a look of irritation—at least that was the only way to describe it. Or was there a little humor being hidden behind Tegan’s squinted eyes?

Maybe.

Probably not, though.

“Come on,” Reese sighed. “Are you going to make me spend this whole ride in silence? Talking is about the only thing a cowboy can do when we’re out riding, and my horse isn’t exactly the best at communication.”

That earned him an eyeroll.

An actual eyeroll from a kid who hadn’t even been alive when the first smart phone had been invented.

When Reese glanced over at the kid, he thought he might have caught a slight grin as well.

Then again, it might have been wishful thinking on his part.

Tegan had only continued to close up around Reese, and that wasn’t sitting right with him at all.

Not only did it worry Serenity, but it was starting to do the same to Reese.

He’d finally gotten Serenity to open up to him.

The boys would be the only thing that could possibly come between them.

Reese whistled out a tune as they continued on their ride.

There was no easy way to ease into the conversation he needed to have with Tegan.

The kid needed to understand that his mother deserved to find happiness after she’d lost his father.

But how in the world was Reese supposed to bring that up without sounding unsensitive?

“Did you know that my dad died when I was younger?”

Tegan stiffened. His eyes darted over to Reese but didn’t linger long enough to be able to gauge what he was feeling.

Clearing his throat, Reese shifted in his saddle. “I wasn’t as young as you were, of course. But I was still a kid.”

The boy remained rigid in his seat. Then he wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. Shoot. Reese didn’t want to make the kid cry.

“Anyway, it was hard. I went my whole life loving the man and looking up to him only for him to…” He shrugged as his throat closed up. The emotion wasn’t expected, and he thought for a brief moment that he might actually break down instead.

“How old were you?”

Fighting the urge to flinch at the question, Reese glanced at Tegan. “Older than you.” He didn’t want to say that he had been nearly an adult. For all he knew, Tegan wouldn’t think it was hard to lose someone when they were older.

“Do you miss him?”

“Absolutely, I do.” Reese peered at Tegan for a long moment, letting his cracked words hang in the balance between them. “Every single day of my life.”

Tegan frowned. “You don’t look like you do.”

Reese stiffened at that. “And what does it look like when you miss someone?”

The kid shrugged and stared straight ahead.

“Do you think I have to be sad all the time?”

“No,” he muttered.

“Do I need to get angry easily? Or refuse to let go of the pain of his loss?”

Tegan shrugged but didn’t deny the concept. Had he been thinking about it like that?

“Because I assure you, there is no wrong way to grieve. You can be sad. You can be angry. You can go numb like nothing in the world can even touch you anymore. But you wanna know something? You can’t keep holding onto it.

At some point, you have to release the bad parts and force yourself to remember the good ones. ”

That had Tegan scowling, and for the life of him, Reese couldn’t understand why.

“Your mother?—”

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“—deserves to be happy.”

His scowl deepened. “She’s happy.”

“Is she? How often does she smile? How often does she do something for herself?” Reese winced.

Tegan was still a kid. There were moments like this one where he acted like he was older and wiser than Reese wanted to give him credit for—but he had to remember that he wasn’t.

He was still a child, and he wouldn’t understand the nuances of moving forward after the loss of a loved one.

“All I’m saying is that you don’t have to be the man of the house, kiddo.

I know you feel like it’s something you need to do, but you really don’t,”

Tegan still didn’t look at him. His dark gaze didn’t relax or ease up in any way. Reese couldn’t tell if he got through to him or if he was simply considering his words.

Reese heaved a sigh. “That being said, your mom is also her own person. She’s going to make choices not only for her happiness, but for yours. She would move heaven and earth for you if it meant making sure you were okay.”

“I am okay,” Tegan muttered.

Reese could beg to differ.

“And so is my mom. And she didn’t need you, either.”

Well, that took a turn he wasn’t prepared for.

He’d known that Tegan was upset with him about something, and he’d had an inkling that it could have something to do with the amount of time Reese had been spending with Tegan’s mother.

Turns out that was it on the nose. Tegan didn’t want his dad to be replaced.

That was the only reasonable explanation.

Before Reese could assure the kid that was the furthest thing from his mind, Tegan blew out a heavy breath. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Reese snapped his mouth shut. Pushing the subject would only serve to antagonize the boy, and that was the opposite of what he’d promised Serenity he would do.

He’d said everything he was going to say for the most part, anyway.

He’d wanted Tegan to understand that his mother needed more in her life—that her happiness was important, too.

The only thing he hadn’t managed to insist on was that his mother wasn’t going to replace his father in the way Tegan was likely scared would happen.

Sighing, Reese nodded his head then started up with his whistling again.

As happy as he was that Serenity was opening up more to him, he knew it would be tough.

They’d have to move slowly if they didn’t want to hurt the kids.

He could do that. He’d spent weeks just getting her to accept that he was interested in her beyond friendship.

What was a little more waiting?

Nothing was going to change. He’d continue to spend time with her in private and teach the boys how to ride their horses. At the end of the summer, they’d reevaluate what their relationship needed.

Easy peasy.

Maybe.

He glanced once more at the boy. Tegan didn’t look any different than when they’d started their ride. He was seated in his saddle, focus forward, and ignoring any attention he was getting from Reese. The door had been closed.

Reese dragged a hand down his face. He’d probably tell Serenity bits and pieces of this conversation.

He didn’t want to scare her off because he knew she would bolt the second she thought that Tegan wasn’t ready for this.

They were coming up on a year in a couple of months.

One year of not having his father in the picture.

Coping looked different to different people, but Reese couldn’t help but wonder if Tegan needed a boost in the right direction.

Would Serenity even consider the idea? Maybe Tegan would benefit from talking to Jane.

Reese was no therapist. Worse, there was a very specific conflict of interest when it came to Serenity and her children.

Tegan would likely rather see Reese ride his horse off the side of a ravine before listening to him give advice on healing from the loss of his father.

One day at a time.

That’s all Reese could promise.

To himself.

And to her.