Page 25 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Have you taken him to a therapist?”

Serenity gave Jane a flat look. “You can pretend we haven’t had this conversation before, but it won’t make it true. You know very well that I haven’t taken Tegan to a therapist.”

“Yeah,” Jane sighed, “but that was before… when you thought he might be coping. Didn’t you say yourself that it’s getting worse?”

Turning her attention back to the application in front of her, Serenity let out a heavy, frustrated breath.

Jane was absolutely right. Day after day, Tegan got worse.

He snapped at his brother. He argued with his mother.

And lately, he’d been irritable when he had to do his riding lesson.

He didn’t speak to Reese anymore, and he’d practically retreated into himself when he was around more than a couple people.

Right now, he’d insisted he didn’t feel well enough to come down and put together puzzles with Noah and Jessi.

“Serenity?”

“Yeah, okay? He’s getting worse.”

“And you still think it’s best for him to decide if he wants to talk to a therapist?”

Serenity groaned, digging her hair into her scalp.

How many times did she have to have this conversation in a different way for her sister to finally drop it?

She didn’t even have kids. She didn’t know what she was talking about.

“I’m not going to force him to do something that will inevitably make him hate me. I’m the only parent he has left.”

She’d hoped that Reese had gotten through to him. But that little talk had backfired. Apparently, Tegan didn’t take kindly to someone—even someone he knew—telling him what to feel. And honestly, who would be okay with that?

And Serenity couldn’t say she blamed him. Grief was something that was different for everyone.

“Maybe this isn’t about losing Finn.”

Serenity tensed. Her vision blurred before she lifted her eyes to her sister. “What?”

Jane shrugged and absentmindedly stirred her lemonade with her straw. “Has he…” She cleared her throat, and her cheeks flushed slightly. Then she moved closer to the table and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Does he know about you and Reese?”

“What? No. We’ve been careful.”

Her sister’s eyes narrowed. They stared each other down, like the first person blinking would lose whatever argument was about to start. Serenity’s muscles tightened, and her stomach swooped angrily. Jane murmured, “Are you positive?”

“I—yes—no?” Then she sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Like I said, we’ve been careful.”

“Tegan is a smart kid, Serenity. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Reese. Picnics. Riding lessons. I don’t think anyone on the premises hasn’t noticed that Reese has feelings for you.”

That tightness in Serenity’s belly went feral. She glanced over her shoulder toward the entrance to the kitchen. Then she shot a concerned look to her sister. “So… what are you saying? That this is Tegan’s way of acting out because he doesn’t want me to… date?”

Jane shrugged again, and it irritated Serenity to the point she wanted to give her sister a little pinch.

“He would have said something, don’t you think?

” This time, she closed her eyes to prevent herself from seeing that shrug again.

Then she shook her head. “No. He liked Reese. He was fine being taught, and we went on picnics, and he was fine. I think this has more to do with the summer coming to an end and getting ready to go back to school. Finn used to always go on one last camping trip in the summer and then take Tegan school shopping. He’s probably regressing because he’s not going to do that with his dad this year.

” When she glanced up at Jane, she was disappointed to note that her sister didn’t look convinced.

Dang it!

Serenity groaned again, covering her face with her hands. “Maybe moving here is a bad idea.” She said it more to herself than anyone else.

“It’s not a bad idea if it’s what you want.” Her sister’s voice was just as quiet, just as hushed—as if speaking it aloud would negate the truth of it. “Don’t change your mind just because of Tegan.”

Great, now she was starting to sound like everyone else. What was it with people and their thinking that they knew what her kid needed? She was his mother.

His mother!

She was the one who needed to make sure he was cared for and doing okay.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should tell them.”

Slowly, Serenity lifted her head to look at her sister.

She wanted to say that Jane looked like she pitied her.

But that wasn’t true. There was only concern in her sister’s eyes.

She might not have children, but she definitely had Noah, now.

It put a different kind of perspective on the loss Serenity had experienced.

At least, that was what her expression was giving off.

Serenity ducked her focus back to the papers in front of her. “I don’t know if that would be a good idea right now. Too much is changing—or might change.”

“And the longer you put it off?—”

“I need to have a plan in place so I’m not just floating aimlessly anymore.”

“ Finally . I was wondering when you’d get it.”

Serenity glowered at her sister. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jane closed the distance between them, determination in her eyes.

“I mean, you need to take ownership of your life. You obviously care for Reese, right? You shouldn’t be holding back from your boys just because you’re worried about what they might say or do.

This is your life, too. Make the hard decisions and stick with them. ”

If Serenity had been a wild animal, she would have growled at her sister in that moment. But she kept her mouth shut. Once again, Jane was phrasing the same old thing, just in a new way.

At this point, the only thing she felt like doing was to tell everyone in her life that they needed to mind their own business. She was getting tired of feeling like they didn’t think she could handle making decisions. All this pushing and prodding wasn’t good for her.

Then the unbelievable happened.

One second, she was set on locking away these thoughts and feelings. The next, she couldn’t contain them anymore.

“No offense, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jane’s brows lifted. “What?”

Serenity made sure to keep her voice low and calm so as not to alert anyone in the home that she was angry.

“You’re right. If I was single and I hadn’t run from every opportunity to have a relationship—if I hadn’t made my personality all about work life—then choosing something for myself like love would be smart. ”

Her sister’s skin flushed. This was a sore spot between them. Jane had been the oldest sister in their family, and she’d only just gotten married. Her two baby sisters were already married with two or more children. She was late to the game, and all because of her own decisions.

Serenity fought the instinct to apologize. But what she needed to say had to be voiced.

“Where you’re wrong is when it comes to my children.

They lost their father, Jane. The man who brought them into the world and raised them.

They only know him . I would turn their world upside down if I told them that I started loving another man.

Right now? We might be making a move to Rocky Ridge.

That would include leaving their home—the place that houses all the memories of their father.

That would include leaving the friends they’ve made and starting school in a new place.

I get that you think enough time has passed to get over that sort of loss…

but it’s not. I’m not going to tell them that I’m replacing their father when I might be replacing everything else. ”

Jane pressed her lips into a tight line. Her skin was still flushed, and a single tear had slipped from her eye. Serenity tracked it as it dragged down her cheek. She nearly opened her mouth to apologize to her sister for basically calling her stupid, but she held her tongue.

The truth was Jane wouldn’t understand the crushing weight of the decisions Serenity had to make unless she was in the thick of it herself.

Before she could crumble in front of her sister, she shoved back from the table and got to her feet. “Would you please keep an eye on the boys?”

Without waiting for her sister to respond, she reached for her jacket that she’d slung over the chair after her walk this morning. Then she marched out of the house.

Guilt swamped her from the moment her feet hit the grass. She was fidgety and anxious. How was she supposed to show her face at dinner tonight? Jane was going to hate her.

And Noah?

Shoot! There was no way that Jane would keep this a secret from her husband.

The fire that had started beneath Serenity’s skin only grew hotter the farther she made it from the house. She’d never spoken to Jane that way. Her sister had been nothing if not supportive since Finn had died, and she’d gone and told her that she need to stop.

Well, not in so many words.

But she definitely didn’t do herself any favors.

Serenity collided with a firm body, and a grunt escaped her lips. She nearly stumbled backward and fell to the ground, but strong, warm hands grasped her upper arms.

She stared up into Reese’s worried eyes.

Those beautiful, soulful eyes that could see her for who she really was without even trying.

She could tell. Each time he looked at her, she felt naked, vulnerable—like he knew every thought that went through her mind.

It had been so hard to not spill her guts to him the other night when he’d told her she could.

Because she knew that once she started, she wouldn’t stop. He’d get scared off or start to realize that trying to merge with her already established family wasn’t going to be easy.

“Serenity? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” she insisted with a sad-sounding laugh.

He lifted a hand to cup her cheek, and his thumb swiped across her flushed skin. Then he arched a brow. “You want to try that again?”

She groaned and pulled away from him. “I’m fine?—”

“I know.”

Her eyes cut to meet his again.

“You say that all the time. I didn’t ask if you were okay. I wanted to know what was bothering you so I…” He crossed his arms and glanced away. “Vent to me, Serenity. Tell me what’s bothering you. I’ll listen.” Those last two words were spoken so quietly that they nearly ripped her heart out.

He was too good for her.

Serenity’s shoulders slumped. “It’s nothing.”

“If it were nothing, then you wouldn’t be crying.” He stepped closer and reached out to her again. “I don’t care if it’s because of spilled milk or you accidently saw the sunrise?—”

At that, she let out a surprised laugh.

A smile tugged at his lips, and he cocked his head to the side. “Whatever it is, just get it off your chest. I promise I won’t try to solve any problems for you. I’ll just listen. And maybe I’ll even toss in a few, ‘you’re so rights.’”

She couldn’t help the small smile that threatened to explode into something so much bigger. “I got in a little argument with Jane. It… wasn’t bad .”

He frowned, and at some point, he’d placed his hands on her hips. She let him guide her toward him, and she rested her cheek against his chest.

“I don’t want to go into any detail. It’s really not a big deal—not one I want you worrying about.”

Reese seemed to stiffen despite the way his hands ran over her back in a reassuring way.

True to his word, he didn’t try to tell her that everything was going to be okay or that she needed to do anything about what she’d said.

He wasn’t going to fix her problems for her. And knowing that was all she needed.

She could sense he didn’t like being in this position, though. Reese was nothing if not caring. He was a fixer. The frustration was practically coming off him like the steam from a lake in the fall.

Serenity closed her eyes, allowing herself to be selfish in this one instance.

She’d allow herself to continue to bottle up the worries and concerns she had with her sons.

She’d swallow down the guilt of not confiding in Reese the way she knew he wanted her to.

And she’d ignore the vile stomachache she’d gotten the second she’d left Jane’s home.

Losing Finn had taught Serenity one thing.

She was the only one she would forever be able to count on.

While it was nice to lean on others for support, she was growing weary of their unsolicited advice.

All they had given her was a complex where she was unsure if she was actually capable of making good decisions.

They stood there for so long that she lost track of time. His hands stopped tracing lines on her back, and his voice rumbled through his chest. “I wish I could do something for you.”

Serenity squeezed her eyes shut. She exhaled, then pulled back from him. “I’m going to go.”

“What? Why?”

She shook her head. “Because if I stick around, I might fight with you, too. And I’m just…” Serenity covered her face with her hands. “I’m tired.”

“Serenity—”

“It’s fine, Reese.”

But was it?

“I don’t need you to come swooping in and trying to fix everything for me. It’s sweet. But it’s not what I need right now, and no one seems to understand that.” Her tone was biting, and it made her grimace. Without waiting for his response, she charged away from him.

Maybe there was something in the water.

First Tegan.

Now her.

She’d been doing so well. What was wrong with her?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Today is just a hard day. You’re stressed about job applications and looking for rentals. You’re worried about Tegan and being what Reese wants.

A good night’s sleep.

That was what she needed right now. Everything would look better in the morning.

It was dark when her phone lit up on the side table.

She looked at the screen with bleary eyes.

It was a text from Reese.

I missed you at sunset .

Serenity placed a hand over her eyes and heaved a sigh. She hadn’t skipped on purpose. In fact, she’d come back to the house to take a nap and must have slept through dinner, too. She couldn’t even remember if anyone came to get her.

Rolling over, she closed her eyes and begged for sleep to take her again.

Tomorrow would be a new day.