Page 31 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Serenity couldn’t shake the cloud of sadness that seemed to drape over her since she’d learned of Reese’s trip. It was selfish, and she knew it, which was why she refused to see him. She needed to avoid him at all costs.

So, she went to town to sign for her new apartment lease.

Then she went thrift shopping for the things she’d need for the apartment.

While her belongings back home held sentimental value, she wasn’t sure she wanted to pack everything up and move it here just yet.

The small apartment over the music store was furnished but lacked things such as dishes and a television.

The latter wasn’t something she was certain she wanted, anyway.

After a few visits to different shops, she’d opted to take a break at Sweet Everything. The bakery had been a favorite of Tegan’s since they’d come to Copper Creek, and she’d practically dragged him on her escapades today.

It was for the best. She didn’t want him to have to hang around the ranch where he could bump into Reese. The fear that one of her sons would spill the beans of her plans to stay was very real.

Part of her wondered if Reese found out—would he stay?

Would he get upset that she didn’t tell him and insist that he wanted to be close for the transition?

That wouldn’t do. Reese needed to stick to his plan.

He needed to follow his dream. So even though that possibility—the one where he chose her over something he’d wanted for ages—was thrilling, she refused to stand in his way.

Which led her to another thought.

What if he found out, and he simply didn’t care? What if their relationship had run its course?

She sighed and turned her focus to Tegan, who was staring blankly out at a statue of a cowboy riding a horse. He licked his ice cream slowly, and she could practically feel the tension flowing off him in waves.

Finn had never been like this—anger simmering beneath the surface. Tegan was very much his own person, and she wished she could say the right thing to finally pull him out of his shell. Why wouldn’t he open up to her? Why couldn’t she get him to just talk?

Another sigh slipped free, and she took a bite of the brownie she’d picked. There was no point in trying to make him open up to her. She’d tried everything. There simply wasn’t anything else she could do.

Her thoughts shifted once more to Reese and the heartache she felt over knowing he’d be leaving tomorrow. So much had been left unsaid. But it was for the best.

She sensed more than saw Tegan shift in his seat. He turned to look at her, but she refused to do the same. Serenity would just keep staring straight ahead. Tegan was like a skittish deer, and if he finally wanted to talk? Then she wasn’t about to scare him off.

“Are you happy, Mom?”

She blinked and turned to look at him, forgetting her resolve not to put him on the spot with her attention. “Of course I’m happy. Where did that question come from?”

Tegan turned his attention back to the statue, and he shrugged.

Was that it? Was that all she was going to get from her tight-lipped son?

He took a small bite of his ice cream. “I want you to be happy.”

Without thinking, she reached toward him and took his hand. “I am happy, sweetheart. This place makes me happy. That’s why we’re going to move here.”

Tegan nodded, though she wasn’t sure she was reaching him the way he needed.

Serenity lifted herself off the bench where they sat, and she crouched down in front of him, staring up at him until he gave her his full attention.

“Happiness isn’t something that comes easy to some people.

Sometimes we let our happiness depend on other people.

Sometimes it’s a place or a job we love.

And sometimes it’s something that just comes from the heart.

You have to find your happiness wherever you can get it.

And when you get older, you’ll start to understand why you can’t let it depend on anyone or anything.

” She gave him a wry smile. “Or any place.”

His brows creased. “Then why are we moving here?”

She closed her eyes, and her smile widened.

She allowed herself to take in the smells, the sounds, and the gentle breeze that wafted around them.

“Because I like who I am when I’m here. I like feeling closer to my family.

I like the peace that this place brings.

” Serenity opened her eyes and gave him a firm look.

“I could find that happiness anywhere, but here? It comes so much easier.”

“Like when you’re with Reese?” His words were like a slap to the face. Somehow, she knew that this conversation was coming. After Tegan had caught her kissing Reese, she knew they’d need to hash it out.

Her throat thickened, and she gave him a little nod. “I’m happy when I’m around Reese, just like I’m happy when I’m around you and your brother.”

The line between Tegan’s brows deepened, and his lips pressed into a thin line. “He makes you smile a lot.”

She laughed. “He does.”

“And he treats you nice.”

“You’re right.” Serenity tilted her head slightly. “Do you think he treats you nice, too?”

For a moment, she thought Tegan might not answer her, but then he nodded resolutely. “I like Reese.”

Unable to control her reaction, her brows shot upward. “You do?”

“Yeah, he’s nice.”

One singular question burned inside her. She wished she could just ask him why all the animosity. Why didn’t Tegan like the idea of Reese becoming part of their little family? But something else held her back, insisting she wouldn’t like the answer.

They sat like that for a nearly insurmountable amount of time before he finally took a deep breath and whispered, “If Reese makes you happy, then you should kiss him.”

It was the sweetest thing he could have said without even realizing it.

No, she didn’t need his permission to date Reese.

She didn’t need him to tell her it was okay to kiss him.

But the way her son had clearly gone over everything in his mind before telling her that he was okay with the idea made her heart twist in the most beautifully painful way.

She sucked in a sharp breath and reached for his free hand before kissing his fingertips. “You’re very sweet to think of me, honey.”

His cheeks colored, and he looked away. Then, without warning, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her. She wasn’t entirely certain, but she got the feeling that his ice cream made contact with her hair.

Serenity held him like that for several minutes, letting him release all the built-up anguish and tension he was likely feeling over releasing this little amount of control. When he pulled back, he had tears on his cheeks.

“Oh, honey, what’s the matter?”

“I’m sorry,” Tegan murmured as she brushed at the tears with her thumb. “I should have been nicer.”

She let out a little laugh. “It’s okay, buddy. Change is hard.”

“Does that mean you’re going to kiss him more? Like with Daddy?”

Her expression crumpled, and she shook her head slowly. While she attempted a reassuring smile, she knew her eyes expressed the pain of the words that came next. “It’s too late, buddy.”

He frowned, confusion replacing the remorse that had been in his eyes moments before. “Why? Does he not like you anymore? He said?—”

“Reese is moving away.”

The intensity of Tegan’s distress increased, and he shook his head. “No. He said he was going to be back. He still lives here. He can’t go?—”

She placed her palm to his cheek. “Sweetheart, Reese is going to another state to learn how to help kids. He’s going to be gone for a year or longer, depending on how it goes. A lot can change in a year.”

Tears brimmed in Tegan’s eyes. “Is he leaving because of me?”

“Oh, heavens, no.” She climbed back onto the bench and fought the burning tears behind her own eyes as she draped an arm around his shoulders. “This is something he wants to do. He wants to learn and grow. It’s normal.”

“But he’s already good at teaching.”

She sighed. This concept wasn’t as easy to teach as she’d thought. “I know. But we can always get better at the stuff we love, right?”

He nodded, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.

“I guess.” More silence followed, and Tegan attempted to lick up the dripping ice cream that was getting more than a little messy.

Then he straightened his shoulders and stared back at the statue.

His words seemed to be more for himself than for her, but they hit just as hard.

“Reese’ll be back. I know it. He loves you. ”

The argument was on the tip of her tongue. She should tell him that people change. Reese would be gone for a long time, and there was no guarantee when he got back that his feelings would be the same. But she refrained. Right now, Tegan needed something to believe in.

Was it bad that Serenity had resigned herself to losing out on a future with Reese? Perhaps. She’d gotten really good at rationalizing why she’d made such a decision. Hadn’t she found her happiness already in her life? She’d fallen in love with a good man and had two beautiful children with him.

To fall for another and steal him away from a future he’d dreamed of would be selfish. She was putting distance between them because deep down, there was a part of her that knew he would make sacrifices if she’d asked.

Reese cared for her. There was no doubt in her mind. He might even love her as much as she loved him. And that was why she’d made her decision. That was why she’d stick to it.

If one day sometime in the future, Reese came back to her, then she’d revisit the idea of starting a life with him.

At least that was what she continued to tell herself as the clock ticked forward. Serenity was moving forward.

Reese was moving forward.

This was the best for both of them.

By the time she’d finished up her tasks for the day and gotten her boys to bed, she’d missed the sunset.

It was dark outside, but she couldn’t fight the pull she had to sit out on the porch and look up at the night sky.

Somehow, it made her feel closer to Finn while also sharing a part of her with Reese.

Maybe she was just losing her mind.

The second she stepped out onto the porch, she saw it.

A single lotus flower beside an envelope. Serenity eyed the envelope warily, the urge to run from it just as strong as the urge to scoop it up and read its contents.

She glanced around the area, but she already knew she wouldn’t find him. And what did she expect after she’d avoided Reese all day?

Slowly, she approached and picked up the envelope. With shaking hands, she tore it open.

Serenity,

I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were special.

Light. Joy. Hope. You practically exuded it from your very soul.

You drew me to you like a moth to a flame, and I knew I was done for the second you smiled at me.

But you were hurting, wounded from a loss that no person should ever have to experience in their life, so I gave you space.

I wanted you to heal, so when the time came that you could love again, you’d pick me.

That was the hardest part and sometimes I regretted that decision. Your secret admirer was born out of a for you to know that someone was out there, falling for you without any expectation of reciprocation.

I picked the lotus flower because it reminded me of you.

It embodied everything I knew about you.

Lotus means rebirth. It means hope. The sheer fact that it grows from the darkest, murkiest waters and still thrives means something.

I wanted to give you something that is as strong as you.

The lotus overcomes much and thrives despite it all.

Just like you have done. And I admire you for it all the more.

My love for you runs deeper than you will ever comprehend. Time. Distance. None of that will change the way my heart beats just for you.

For you and your boys.

I hope one day our paths cross again so I get another chance to show you what a future could be together. One year isn’t all that long in the grand scheme of things. I don’t expect you to wait for me, but I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes.

All my love,

Reese

Serenity’s hands continued to shake, and a sob stuck in her throat. Her head snapped up, and she charged off the porch toward his house. Her vision was so blurred that she didn’t notice the figure sitting on the steps of the porch until she nearly collided with him.

“He’s gone, Serenity,” Leo murmured.

She nearly squeaked with surprise. Wiping at her face, she took in a shuddering breath. “He’s gone? He wasn’t supposed to leave until tomorrow.”

Leo shrugged. “Caught an earlier flight.” His eyes dipped to the letter in her hand. “Glad you got it. I was worried Noah or Jane would find it first.”

Serenity looked down at the letter. “He asked you to leave this for me?”

Leo nodded as he got to his feet with a sigh. His mouth opened as if he planned on saying something, but then he closed it and shook his head. “Goodnight, Serenity.”

“Goodnight,” she whispered.