Page 34 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Christmas would be at the end of the month, and Reese couldn’t recall something he looked forward to more than going home.

It was probably a good thing he hadn’t gone to college back when he’d had the chance.

There was no telling if he would have been able to manage being away from his family for a couple of years if this was how he felt about it after only a couple months.

Who knew that he was so attached?

To be fair, Reese wasn’t looking forward to going home just for his family.

He wanted to pay a visit to Serenity, and he fully intended on staying in the city with her for a couple days so they could figure out what it was that was growing between them.

For someone who hadn’t wanted something long distance, they sure talked a lot. The days they didn’t speak on the phone were few and far in between. They spoke over video chat, too.

While he hadn’t told her he loved her outright, he knew she had to understand that was where his heart was. Nothing had changed since he’d written that letter.

He’d been tempted to get her address from Jane so he could send her a bouquet of flowers, but he thought better of it.

Space.

Serenity needed her space—to feel in control.

“Did you hear about the program change?”

Reese looked up from the textbook he was reading.

Today, they were doing research for their course on different types of equine therapy, or rather, different ways it helped patients.

Maddox was in the same program as he was—a fast track to becoming a therapist, but he’d be moving forward and adding to his education by getting trained clinically.

Maddox leaned back in his seat. “The fast-track program director wants it to be more accessible all around the country. To do that, they need to offer other options for people who are working with horses already. You know, like you were. Ranchers. Cowboys. That sort of stuff.”

Reese stared at Maddox, letting his words sink in.

It was a good idea. People all around the country would benefit from the information he was learning on how to use horses to help people with stress and anxiety.

“What about it? Are they opening other locations?” That would be helpful.

If he could find a location closer to home, then maybe he could relocate and see Serenity more often.

Maddox shook his head. “Nah, man. They’re going to offer like ninety percent of the training online.

Then they’ll expect people to come for the hands-on training for a week-long conference.

Or something like that. It was in the newsletter.

They’re asking for people to volunteer to take the courses online. ”

Reese’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah, but you have to be approved. They want people who are driven and know how to manage time.” Maddox chuckled. “Makes sense, I guess. Some students really need to be in a class to stay accountable, you know?”

Reese nodded absently. If he could be approved for that online program, he could go home. He wouldn’t have to continue stressing over Serenity finding someone else—someone who could be there for her in person.

He was tempted to snap his book shut right then and there and go searching for the information to apply for the change in the program. Something told him his professor wouldn’t approve of such a thing.

Besides, there would be a lot of logistics to work out. The funding that went into his tuition and housing would have to be considered. Would it be refunded? What would Jane think of his relocating?

Leo would probably like it, seeing as he and Kate were still at odds with each other the last time they spoke.

Throughout the remainder of the class, Reese couldn’t focus. He continued thinking about the possibilities of what moving home could mean for him—for Serenity. By the time class was over and he was heading home, he could barely contain himself.

He’d have to, though. Reese couldn’t exactly tell Serenity that he was coming home for good when he didn’t know if it would happen. But maybe he could tell her he planned on visiting for the holidays, and he wanted to take her out.

A smile tugged at his lips as he stepped into his apartment. As usual, his roommate was gone. Tate didn’t usually get in until the middle of the night sometimes.

Reese dropped his bag by the front door and headed for the kitchen to start on dinner. He’d moved on from frozen dinners to canned soups. Occasionally, he branched out and made himself a sandwich. What he wouldn’t give to have his mother’s cooking.

The clock ticked slowly by, and he waited for it to reach eight o’clock so he could call Serenity and the boys.

The more time that passed, the more anxious he became.

It occurred to him that he could tell his brother, but then he thought better of it.

Leo wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. He’d end up telling his family, who would tell Noah’s family, and then Jane would hear about it.

No. It was best to keep this secret to himself.

At seven-fifty-eight, his phone rang. Reese glanced at the time, and his smile grew. She was early. They kept as close to a schedule as they could so they didn’t miss one another. Tonight was Serenity’s turn to call, and the warmth in her voice when he answered was like a boon to his ragged heart.

“Hello, beautiful,” he murmured.

“Hey,” she said just as softly.

He grinned. “How was your day?”

“Is that Reese? Can I talk to him?”

Reese chuckled at the sound of Tegan’s voice. The kid had finally come around. Serenity didn’t give much in the way of details, she’d only said that he had started to miss Reese, and maybe that was a sign for better things to come.

Serenity’s voice came through the speaker. “Not yet, buddy. Mommy gets a turn first.”

Grumbles came through next, followed by Serenity’s laugh. “They’ve been begging me to call you for the last hour.”

Right here, right now, it felt like they could be a family. Reese could feel it in his bones, in his very soul. And he wanted nothing more than to tell her that very thing. “You know, this isn’t so bad. You and me. What we have?”

She went quiet, and the warmth he’d felt only moments ago seemed to chill. “Yeah, it’s been working out.”

He cleared his throat, “Do you want to talk about?—”

“You remember Wendy? The girl I work with?”

Once again, he cleared his throat, trying not to be disappointed that she yet again avoided talking about the fact that their relationship still seemed very much intact.

“Yeah, I remember. Is she finally dating someone so she can stop asking you about us?” He tried to keep his voice light, teasing, but it was hard when he could all but feel the walls Serenity put in place.

“Not yet. But I think I found a different solution.”

“Oh?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Yeah. I told her she should write a novel. It’d make a great outlet, don’t you think?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I think that sounds perfect. You think she’ll do it?”

“Actually, I think she will. I caught her staring at the books we sell at the shop. I think she was considering what it would be like if she could put her own book on those shelves, you know? I don’t think she realized it was a dream she could have.”

“Dreams are important,” he mused as he looked around his meager apartment. This experience had been a dream for him, but the more time he spent here, the more he realized it wasn’t what he wanted most.

He wanted her.

The dream that took up most of his heart was back in Montana somewhere. A family with two boys and the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. He could do anything with his life if she was by his side. He just needed her to admit that she wanted it, too.

Serenity had been speaking, but he hadn’t heard much of what she’d said. Something about the boys and how they were doing at school. The little devils were talking in the background, shouting about something new they wanted to try the next time they could go riding with him.

“Serenity?” he asked, interrupting her. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Hmm?” There was an edge to her voice—almost like she was nervous about what he was about to say. That was how she was, though. Every time he wanted to bring up their relationship, she brushed him off.

Perhaps it was time to put an end to giving her space. Perhaps it was time he told her what he wanted.

“I’m going to be home for Christmas, and I want to see you. The boys, too.”

She went eerily quiet, then. He could still hear background noise from the boys, but Serenity didn’t even sound like she was breathing.

“Beautiful?” he whispered. “Are you still there?”

“I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” she replied. The background noise went quieter then, as if she’d moved into another room.

“Why not?”

She sighed. “I don’t want to make this hard.”

“It’s already hard.” His voice was firm and unyielding, and he winced at how it made him sound angry.

He wasn’t angry. He was… tired. “I miss you, Serenity. And I feel like nothing has really changed for us since I left. We talk every day. I want to…” He wanted to hold her in his arms and promise her the world.

That was what he wanted. Instead, he said, “See you.”

Serenity was quiet again, then it sounded like her own voice hitched. “I want to see you, too, but I don’t think I can.” Before he could demand an explanation, she continued. “It’s going to be hard.”

Reese raked a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t have to be.”

“But it will. Reese, I—” She sighed again. “I don’t want to get so attached to you when I don’t know where things will lead.”

“That’s why I’m talking to you now. I know where I want this to go. I want?—”

“But that could change. Time changes things. Stuff out of our control happens all the time.”

His frustration continued to grow. “I’m not Finn, Serenity.”

This time, there was an edge to her voice. “I know you’re not. That’s not what this is about.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. I’m not holding back because I’m scared I’ll lose you. Not the way you think, anyway.” She heaved a heavy breath, and he could imagine her pacing her room just like he was pacing the kitchen.

“Then what is it?”

Her tone softened. “I have my kids to think about. We’re all too attached to you. And until you’re here and tangible, I don’t want to make any promises to them or myself that can’t be kept.”

Her words stung. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, it sure sounded like she was scared of losing something. She wasn’t ready to go all in when she didn’t have something tangible to hold onto.

Perhaps it was time he gave her what she needed. “I love you, Serenity. I love you more than life itself. Distance has only strengthened that feeling.”

“I know,” she whispered.

Reese froze where he stood. “You do?”

She let out a sad sounding laugh. “I think it’s obvious.

But…” Serenity paused, choosing her words carefully.

“I still think it would be safest if when you make your promises, it’s not from across the continent.

I want you here, where I can look you in the eyes and give you the same thing. I… hope… that makes sense.”

He could understand where she was coming from and at least she was talking to him. They were actually having a conversation even though it was a little light. At least she was finally opening up about where she stood.

This made him want to get approval for that online course all the more.

“Reese?”

“Yeah, beautiful?”

“I love you, too.”

And just like that, Reese knew he wouldn’t be giving up. He’d make sure he got approval if it was the last thing he did.

There was one person he could call who might be able to help. If anyone could sway the board who decided these things, it was Noah.