Page 29 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Serenity’s heart was still beating ferociously against her rib cage when she finally found Tegan hiding beneath the kitchen table.

The thundering in her chest had little to do with being caught by her son.

It had less to do with the rushing through the house as she shout-whispered his name to no avail.

It had everything to do with what had just happened between herself and Reese out on that front porch.

Reese was her secret admirer. He was the one behind the sweet notes and the flowers.

Of course he was. She wasn’t stupid. She’d figured it out early on—she’d simply let her doubts cloud her judgments like she had a habit of doing.

Serenity shrugged off that thought as she crouched down beside the table and peered at her oldest son in the dark.

Right now was not the time to figure out what she was going to say to Reese the next time they spoke.

There was too much to think about when it came to him.

She’d have to finally tell him what she’d been planning—about her new job and the handful of places she’d looked into renting.

“Hey, bud,” she whispered. She’d worn a dress, and climbing beneath the table wasn’t going to do her any good in the outfit that currently adorned her body.

Still, there was no one else present, and she needed to have this talk that she’d been putting off for too long.

She cleared her throat and fought the instinct to be embarrassed for showing another man such affection.

Tegan remembered what it had been like for their family when his dad was still alive and she worried what he thought of how things had chanced. “What’s the matter?”

Tegan’s face was buried in his knees. His arms were wrapped around his legs as he sat huddled between two chairs. He sniffled, but he didn’t look up at her.

“Tegan,” she whispered, inching closer. She scooted toward him, her own legs bent at an uncomfortable angle. “You can tell me anything. You know that, don’t you?”

This time, his head snapped up, and he glowered at her. “What about Dad?”

She gritted her teeth. This was what she’d figured he’d be upset about, and yet it still hurt her to hear him talking about Finn like he was going to come home any day. Serenity sighed and dropped her focus to the flower that was still in her hand. “I still love your father, Tegan.”

“No, you don’t.”

Shutting her eyes tight against his words, she focused on not crying. She couldn’t let him see how much his words cut to the quick. “Yes, I do. And I always will. Every time I look at you and your brother I remember your dad and how much he loved us.”

“Then why were you kissing Reese? He’s not Dad. He doesn’t love you.”

Somehow, those words stung even more. Reese had never said he loved her.

They hadn’t gotten to that point in their relationship.

She twirled the stem between her fingers and thumb.

Did he love her? Or was this a sort of escape for him until he figured out what he wanted out of life?

That training program was the one thing she had noticed lit him up from the inside out. He was passionate about it.

And yet that kiss they’d shared—many of the kisses they’d shared—made her want to believe that he cared for her more than he was letting on.

She sighed. “Love takes a long time. I was with your father from the time I was in high school. Our love is so deep, so strong, that nothing is ever going to break it. Not even if I fall in love with someone else.” She risked looking up at Tegan, not surprised to see the loathing still written on his face.

“You love him?”

Did she? Serenity certainly had feelings for him.

She was moving out to Rocky Ridge, wasn’t she?

But that wasn’t for Reese. That decision was because she loved it here.

She’d found something out in the country that she hadn’t had in the city.

Finn had made her happy. He was her other half.

But being in this small town had given Serenity a different sort of happiness that she couldn’t find back home.

It brought with it a sort of peace—like she knew everything would be okay.

She cleared her throat. “I don’t know, bud. I might.”

His scowl deepened.

Reaching for him, she gave his forearm a gentle squeeze. “My heart is big enough to love more than one man. And I think your dad would want me to find love again.”

Tegan wrenched away from her, and the movement sliced into her soul. “You’re going to forget him,” he said hollowly.

And that was when it hit her. He was worried that he would forget his father, too.

Her mouth fell open. “Tegan?—”

“You’re going to forget the way he smiled. You’re going to forget movie nights. You’re going to forget his laugh.” His words were too mature for his age, and she wondered how she could have missed that he was struggling so much. “I don’t want you to fall in love with Reese.”

At that, her heart went cold. They were getting to the root of all of his issues, and she didn’t know how to handle it. Jane was right. They should have been going to a therapist from the start.

She stared down at the flower that had been left on the tile at her side.

Reese was part of her future—at least that was how it had felt when they’d gone to dinner.

That was how it had felt when they’d kissed on the front porch not even ten minutes ago.

He cared for Tegan enough that he had been willing to chase down her son and talk to him.

At least she’d been smart enough to stop him. The way Tegan was acting… it would have blown up in their faces. She cleared her throat and brought her stern gaze to meet her son’s. “I know you don’t like it, but sometimes grown-ups have to make their own decisions—things that make sense to them.”

Tegan huffed out a sharp breath.

“I care about Reese, Tegan—a lot. He’s important to me. I’m not sure if that’s how it will always be, but I want the chance to see.”

Her son buried his face into his knees again. “I’m never going to love him.”

Serenity’s heart broke at his promise. Could she really ask Reese to join their family if it meant there would be this tension that might never go away?

Sure, Tegan was just a kid. He didn’t have the life experience to know for certain if Reese could be a part of his life while also clinging to the memories of his father.

She didn’t know what to do. Maybe Tegan was just too young to accept it. Maybe he needed more time to come to terms with the idea of her moving on while also accepting that she shouldn’t have to be alone for the rest of her life.

Stomach churning with a bitterness she hadn’t felt in ages, Serenity scooted out from under the table.

When they were finally settled here, she’d find a therapist they could see together.

There had to be a way for her to help him work through these fears without discounting his emotions.

She would never forget Finn. He was woven so tightly into her life—in the eyes of her boys—that he would stay firmly rooted there.

But Tegan and Jessi? They could very well forget their father over time. They were so young. The only thing they had to cling to him were old photos and the handful of videos they’d taken on family vacations and during holidays.

She rose to her feet. “Come on, bud. Let’s get you to bed and talk about this later.”

Surprisingly, he followed her, though he didn’t utter another word. Not as they made their retreat from the kitchen. Not as they headed up the stairs. And not as he climbed under his covers. He rolled over onto his side, giving her his back.

And that was that.

Serenity had never been as nervous as she was in this very moment.

She’d stayed up most of the night weighing the pros and cons of having this conversation with Reese.

Ultimately, she’d decided it was for the best to tell him exactly how she felt.

She needed to tell him that she was moving to Rocky Ridge, but she was also going to tell him it wasn’t for him. It was for herself.

And… if that meant that they would continue seeing each other… well, then that would be a cherry on top of a good decision.

She fully intended on telling him how the conversation with Tegan went and how she planned on fixing the rift that had been torn between her son and everyone else. She hoped that Reese would understand where she was coming from. She’d left things strained last night.

Reese hadn’t messaged her, and she hadn’t reached out, either. When she’d checked the front porch last night, he wasn’t there. He’d left, but why would he have stuck around after she told him that he wasn’t welcome to speak to her son?

It had been a mess, to say the least, but today, she was going to fix it.

Serenity had seen Reese head out to the barn bright and early—before the sun had officially risen.

She stood by the window and allowed herself to watch the sun rise over the mountains while she sipped her coffee.

A twinge of guilt over how everything had gone with Tegan and how she was practically erasing Finn from her life hit her hard in the chest.

Sunrises had been their thing. He’d loved the promise of a new day, and she’d pushed those memories of him down too deep in her soul for her to rationalize anything but what her son had said to be true.

She’d lost track of how many sighs she’d expelled as she prayed for the courage to speak to Reese about what could possibly be the most important conversation she was going to have.

She was going to tell Reese that she wanted to make this whole thing official.

She’d finally admit it to him, to herself, and to the world that she was falling in love, and she wanted them to find a way to be together.

With a fresh wave of resolve, she put her coffee cup on the counter and headed for the door. Her steps were shaky at first, but the closer she got to the barn, the surer she became. This was the right move. She reached the barn and then froze when she heard voices.

“Congrats, man. When do you leave?” The voice was familiar. She couldn’t place it, but she would have recognized the response even if she were blind.

“Unclear. The courses don’t start for a couple of weeks, but Bo said everything is ready for me already.”

“A whole year, huh? Man, that’s gonna be great. I loved living in Georgia. The winters are better than they are here.”

Her heart constricted. Reese was leaving?

For a year? Her stomach knotted and twisted painfully.

The air in her lungs seized up, and she couldn’t breathe.

She was even beginning to feel lightheaded.

Her hand reached for the edge of the entrance to the barn, and the movement must have been enough to capture the attention of Caleb.

His eyes darted to her, then the look of regret and concern filtered across his face. Reese whipped around to look at her, and their eyes locked for a life-ending moment.

No, she wasn’t moving to Rocky Ridge for Reese. She’d told herself that truth over and over again. But then why did she feel so sick to her stomach? Why couldn’t she shake the feeling that she was going to lose something precious to her?

“I’m… I gotta go, man.” Caleb clapped his cousin on the shoulder. He gave Serenity a sharp nod on his way out, leaving her alone with Reese and the hardest decision she had to make.

As much as she wanted to tell him that she was moving here, she wasn’t sure that was the best move.

This training program was important to him.

And from the sounds of it, he’d known about it for a while.

Not only that, but he’d kept it from her.

He hadn’t thought she needed to know—and what did that really say about how he felt about her?

She swallowed thickly and forced a smile that made the muscles in her face ache. “You got into the training program?” Her voice sounded weak, even to her. “That’s… great!”

“Serenity—” There was pity in that voice. Or was it guilt? She couldn’t tell. Her ears were ringing, and her face was flaming like someone had set fire to it.

Shaking her head, she pushed aside her own selfish thoughts.

She would not take this away from him by asking him to stay and see where their budding romance could lead.

Clearly, it was more of a fling than she’d wanted to give it credit for.

He’d had fun this summer, but he had plans. Maybe when he got home?

“You’re going to love it,” she said softly. “I’m certain of it.”

He took a step toward her, and she let him cup her cheek. “I was going to tell you about it?—”

“You don’t owe me anything, Reese. This is your life.”

He dropped his hand immediately, and she didn’t dare look too hard at him for fear of what she might see.

“This is what you always wanted,” she whispered.

“Maybe we could…” Reese trailed off, and she shook her head.

“We had fun, right? You and me? It was fun .”

He frowned but didn’t argue with her.

“And we both know the statistics of something lasting long distance. Especially with it being so casual.”

This time, his mouth fell open like he was going to say something, but then he snapped it shut as if he thought better of it.

She attempted to clear the lump in her throat and glanced over her shoulder toward the house.

Now was not the time to tell him that she planned on staying.

She didn’t want to make him feel guilty—because she’d made the choice without the promise of anything from him.

She’d planned on moving even if things didn’t work out.

And knowing Reese, he would probably blame himself for her uprooting her life and the lives of her sons.

Then he’d end up staying and resenting her for it.

Serenity brushed her clammy palms down her jeans and fought back the emotion bubbling to the surface. “Let’s enjoy the time we have left. When do you leave?”

He rubbed the back of his neck as if battling something he wanted to say to her. Then he heaved a sigh. “Sometime in the next two weeks.”

“Two weeks,” she parroted. “That’s not much time.”

“No… it’s not.”

She smiled brightly, but it was forced, and he could definitely tell. “Then, let’s plan one last big hurrah, yeah?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” His own smile didn’t reach his eyes, and the way he said that one word tore at her already shredded heart more than she would ever admit to anyone.