Page 27 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Another new day, and Serenity didn’t want to drag herself from her bed.

She was all too familiar with the dark, depressing feelings that floated in her mind. She’d felt the same way the first weeks after losing Finn.

Getting out of bed had been a chore, and she’d only done it for her boys.

She should be getting up and facing the consequences of how she’d treated not only her sister, but Reese as well.

Mostly, there was the embarrassment over her outbursts.

There were no excuses for her behavior. While she did know that she was right to a degree, the way she’d approached it had been wrong.

Her sister would forgive her.

That was who Jane was, through and through.

She’d probably sweep her feelings under the rug and tell Serenity that she was just worried for her, and that they were still going to be close no matter what.

A silly argument wasn’t going to come between them.

But Reese?

He was likely already regretting his interest in her. He’d said it was okay, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he’d felt put on the spot.

Serenity pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes and groaned. Damage control would be a necessity today. She just didn’t know where to start.

She loved Reese.

Deep in her soul, she knew she did. She even knew she wanted to stay in Rocky Ridge.

And if she were completely honest with herself, she’d easily be able to admit that if it weren’t for her concerns about Tegan, she might have already signed a lease for that cute little apartment she’d found above the tailor in town.

She hadn’t told Jane about it. And she definitely wouldn’t be able to tell Reese.

Somehow, admitting how easy it would be to move her life to this small town would almost make it a permanent reality.

Another groan escaped her lips as she turned her body to the side and climbed off her bed.

Why was she so scared of making that commitment? There had to be something deeper than just her fears for Tegan. At times, her internal struggles stole her breath.

Literally.

Too many people were counting on her. Too many people were waiting for her to make a decision that would alter the course of their lives.

She could feel the catch of her breath as her heart started palpitating once more. Serenity placed a palm over her chest and closed her eyes. It wasn’t like she was agreeing to marry the guy.

Marriage .

The thought both terrified her and thrilled her all at once, which only added to the growing anxiety in her body. How could part of her want something so badly while another side of her wanted to run?

Serenity paused at the full-length mirror that hung on the wall and took in her bedraggled appearance.

Her issues had nothing to do with Finn—well, not in the typical sense of the word.

She would always love him. She would always miss him.

But she knew she could move forward and be happy while holding those memories close to her chest.

The anxiety she was feeling?

That was a whole other ballgame.

She looked tired. Worn out. Her fears were getting the better of her.

Fear of losing Reese. Fear of allowing herself to be happy again only for that happiness to be ripped from her fingertips.

Closing her eyes against the onslaught of emotions that came with that realization, Serenity forced herself to focus on her breathing.

The weight of these decisions was wreaking havoc with her mental state. She was better than this. She’d push through it like she always did.

Taking in a deep breath, she counted to ten, then she exhaled. “I can do this. I just have to prioritize what is most important.”

Serenity opened her eyes and stared at her reflection. New day. New chances to be better. And she was going to focus on repairing the damage she’d made with her sister.

“Can I come to work with you today? I need to head into town, and Tana said she’d keep an eye on the boys.”

Jane looked up at Serenity over the rim of her coffee. Her eyes were guarded, and her lips were pressed into a thin line. Was she judging Serenity for their argument? Shoot! Had Serenity been wrong that they’d be able to get over this hurdle without issue?

“Please?” Serenity murmured. She pulled out a chair and sat across from her sister at the kitchen table.

“Is this because you’re avoiding a certain someone? Or more than one someone?”

At Serenity’s creased brows, Jane offered her a patient smile.

“Your son. Reese. But who knows? You might be avoiding other suitors, too.”

Serenity rolled her eyes while also reveling in the relief of her sister’s teasing tone.

“I’m not avoiding anyone. Time is running out.

” Okay, maybe she was avoiding Reese. Not even an apology had seemed like enough to smooth over what had occurred between the two of them.

She just needed to put a little more distance between that mistake before she could look Reese in the eye again.

So, she’d focus on something else—something that might make things better between them. A gesture of sorts.

“ Time ? What are you talking about?”

Heat roared beneath Serenity’s skin from her chest, up her neck, and into her face. She looked away. “I think I might love him,” she whispered.

Jane gasped and placed her cup on the table. “Really?”

Serenity closed her eyes and nodded. “I don’t think I’d be happy back home. But I’m…” She chewed on her lower lip. “I don’t want to tell him anything until I know I can get a job and?—”

“You can work with me.”

She shook her head, turning her pleading eyes to her sister. “I need to do this on my own. I don’t want to keep depending on everyone else for anything.”

That made Jane frown. “You aren’t?—”

“Yes, I am. I moved out here this summer to be with you. I didn’t have to pay for a place to stay or food on the table.

I don’t know if you’ve been paying Reese for providing riding lessons for the boys, but I get the feeling that he wouldn’t take it if you were.

If I went back home, I’d be on my own, anyway. ”

“You’d have Mom and?—”

Serenity let out a sad laugh. “Yes, I’d have a support system, but I’d still be on my own. I’d have to get a job and put my life back to order. It’s time. No matter where I end up, I need to start making decisions… that I’m proud of.”

Jane smiled and reached out to grab Serenity’s hand.

Blowing out a breath, Serenity allowed herself to relax somewhat. “There are a few places I was thinking about—places that might hire me. I thought I’d take my resumé out there and see what I can get.”

“And you’re seriously not going to tell Reese? Don’t you think he should know?”

Slowly, Serenity shook her head. “I don’t want him to think I’m doing this for anyone but myself.

If this relationship—whatever it is—doesn’t work out?

” She paused to give herself a moment to calm her thoughts.

She hated the idea that Reese wouldn’t be part of her life for the long-haul, but she wasn’t going to let that fear affect her decision to stay in Rocky Ridge.

She wasn’t making that decision for him.

She was making it for herself—for her sons.

Even though Tegan was going through something, she’d seen the way he and his brother had opened up when they first moved to Rocky Ridge.

The open spaces, the animals, the additional physical activity—all of it had been good for them.

She didn’t want to take them back to the city where they wouldn’t have space to roam.

Swallowing hard, Serenity gave Jane a pointed look.

“If it doesn’t work out, that wouldn’t change my decision to move here.

I want to be closer to you. I’ve started to see what life could be like in the country, and I like it.

There is still a lot I have to consider, but this is the first thing I know I want to change. ”

Jane’s smile deepened, and she squeezed Serenity’s hand firmly. “I want to be closer to you, too.”

Tears sprang to Serenity’s eyes. She hadn’t realized how much she missed Jane when she’d moved away to focus on her career.

They’d gotten so much closer over this summer than she’d realized.

Before, she would have never dreamed of confiding in her sister over a guy.

Then again, she’d been with Finn since high school.

Serenity tilted her head and smiled through her watery lashes. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes. And if you don’t find something, I want you to know the offer stands. Heck, if you don’t like working in an office, I’m sure I could pull Bo’s leg and get you something here, too.”

Laughing, Serenity shook her head. “I don’t think that would work out too well if?—”

“None of that,” Jane admonished. “I know what you were going to say. You were going to say if things didn’t work between you and Reese, then you wouldn’t want to be working here and having to see him every day.”

“Well, it’s true.” Serenity looked at her hands as she laced her fingers together and fidgeted with them.

Jane huffed back and picked up her coffee again. “Don’t think that way. It’s going to work out. He’s crazy about you.”

Serenity nibbed on her lower lip and peeked up at her sister from beneath her lashes. “He sorta is, isn’t he?”

“Totally. I don’t think there is anything he wouldn’t do to make you happy. If you told him you wanted to get married tomorrow, he’d jump at it.”

More laughter between the two of them ensued. The idea was ridiculous. Serenity wasn’t nearly ready for something like that. But she was interested in taking the next step. She just needed her ducks in a row before she told him.

She blew out a nervous breath. “There are a few rentals I want to look at, too.”

Jane’s eyes narrowed. “Serenity?—”

“Before you try to convince me to move into whatever McMansion you and your hubby are building, I need you to know that I need my own space. This summer has been… nice. Really, it has. But I need to get out there on my own. It’s something I have to do…

to…” She pursed her lips as she tried to come up with the words that wouldn’t make her sound like a crazy person.

“It’s like I need to do it to find myself again.

I was Finn’s wife. Now I’m Tegan and Jessi’s mom.

I need to be me. I need to be Serenity before I can give another piece of myself to someone else. ”

“Are you going to break up with Reese?” The tight tone of Jane’s voice surprised Serenity, and she shot her a curious look.

“Well, no. But I do think it would be a good idea to put some distance between us, even if it is just a relocation. I’d like to keep dating him as I discover more of myself.”

Jane nodded absently, but Serenity couldn’t tell if her sister understood what she was trying to say.

“Jane…” Serenity drawled.

“Yeah?”

“What’s that look for?”

Jane frowned. “What look? There is no look.”

She pointed at Jane’s face. “That look. Right there. What are you thinking about?”

This time, Jane hesitated. She glanced away.

“It’s just that… I heard something the other day.

But nothing has been set in stone. I just want to make sure you’re keeping the lines of communication open with Reese.

Even if you’re not ready to pull the trigger on something, it’s probably a good idea to tell him what your plans are. ”

She was right. Reese had been so patient the last several weeks.

He’d let her hang them out in a sort of limbo while she made plans without telling him.

Technically, she had good reason. She was making these plans without him because he wasn’t going to influence them one way or the other.

Serenity wanted to move here regardless.

“I’ll tell him after I get a job. If I don’t have an income, I won’t be moving here. I need something stable before making it official.”

“Makes sense.”

Later that week, Serenity got a call back from one of the places where she’d left her resumé.

Cliff’s Market needed a cashier, and while it wasn’t exactly a dream job, they were willing to be flexible with her schedule so she could arrange work around Tegan’s school schedule.

That didn’t mean she wouldn’t hold out just a little longer; there was also an opening at the local antique store, and it would be a better fit.

Serenity got off the phone and nearly danced around her room with excitement. The boys were out doing their riding lesson. When she got them ready for bed, she’d tell them her plans.

A nervous sort of energy zapped through her body—both for the prospect of starting her new job and for telling her boys.

They’d have to move back home to pack up their things and prepare to sell the house that she’d bought with Finn.

Then they’d find a temporary place in Rocky Ridge until she could find a more permanent home.

She placed a hand over her mouth to stifle her excited squeal. For the first time in a long while, she had a plan she could be excited about. She was making choices based on what she wanted and what she felt was best for her sons.

It felt like the start of something new and exciting for which she was fully in charge.

And it felt great.