Page 18 of A Montana Secret Admirer (Sagebrush Ranch Sweethearts #4)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Serenity had loved Finn. She’d fallen for him fast and hard when she’d been a teenager. She’d loved the dimple in his chin and the way the soft curls on his head sometimes fell into his eyes before he brushed them away. She’d loved being in his arms and kissing him.

Finn had made her feel safe.

The kiss she’d shared with Reese had been oh, so different from the way she’d been kissed by her husband. It had been fueled by desire and desperation. Reese could have a whole conversation just by putting his lips to hers. Millions of conversations, even.

When he’d kissed her, she could tell he wanted her to know he cared for her. He wanted her to know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

It terrified her.

Not that she didn’t feel safe with him. On the contrary, she knew that if she were to give him her heart, he’d cherish it until his last breath. What terrified her most was the fact that nothing was forever.

Finn’s death had taught her that.

If she gave Reese her heart and one day he didn’t come home, she wasn’t sure she’d survive. She wasn’t strong enough to lose someone else.

That wasn’t even the only reason she’d pulled back from him when their kiss had started to get more heated. She’d been enjoying herself too much, and then a silly, niggling thought entered her mind.

What if her secret admirer was watching her in that moment? What if he was the jealous type? But most of all, why was she feeling so guilty over someone who wasn’t brave enough to sign his letters with his name or deliver them to her personally?

She groaned as she leaned against the closed front door.

Finn was gone.

Her secret admirer wasn’t willing to be physically present.

But Reese?

He was here.

He was tangible.

And he wasn’t hiding how he felt about her.

They hadn’t gone on a second official date because she’d been avoiding him, and now, she was in full regret mode, too.

There were so many conflicting emotions going on in her head and her heart, it was making her dizzy.

At this point, she knew she needed to do something because sitting back and playing the avoidance game wasn’t going to get her anywhere.

She was tired.

She was tired of living a life out of fear, tired of wishing she had something she’d never get back, and just tired that nothing seemed to go according to plan.

Her mother would have told her that of course nothing goes according to plan. You can’t change fate, you can only change how you react to the trials in your life. But then, her mother had always been a little more on the religious side.

Perhaps it was time for Serenity to do something rather than continually react to what was happening. She could ask Reese out. She could be the one to approach him and tell him that she was ready for that raincheck.

Nothing could be worse than losing her high school sweetheart and the father of her children. She’d experienced the hardest thing a woman could—besides losing a child.

She nodded, more to herself than anything else.

It was time to throw caution to the wind and stop chasing things that weren’t changing. As much as it scared her, she could do that. No more of this living a stagnant life where she went through the daily minimum with her sons.

Serenity made sure to wake up early. The sun was just rising, but she wasn’t going to take the moment to enjoy it, not without Finn.

She stepped from the house and headed for the barn across the property where she knew Reese would be working.

She wasn’t sure how early he got up, but he was usually out and about by the time she emerged with her children.

There were men out working already when she made it to the structure.

Some were saddling horses. Others were milling around by a trailer.

Bo was shouting out orders. Some were preparing to check the fences of the pasture where the cattle were to be moved.

Some were getting ready to move the cattle.

And another group was heading to town. Apparently, there was an auction later this afternoon.

Serenity held back, hovering on the outskirts. She didn’t see Reese in the fray whatsoever. And as much as she hated to admit it, she didn’t want him leaving to go with any of the groups.

Her heart pounded harder. Her hands grew clammy, and she rubbed them along her jeans. The men mulled around a little more as Bo finished up, then Bo’s eyes found hers. He smiled at her, but he didn’t approach.

Would he know where Reese was? She took a step in his direction, but a low voice at her back stopped her cold in her tracks.

“You’re not looking for me, are you?”

Shivers accosted her as she turned and looked up into the face of the man she’d been unable to stop thinking about. He grinned at her, a lopsided, adorable expression making her heart squeeze and her legs go weak.

The awkwardness she’d expected to come between them today wasn’t present.

“Yeah, actually,” she answered. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh?” His eyes traced over her body, and she fidgeted beneath his smoldering stare. “So ask.”

Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she found herself incapable of forming the simple words she knew she needed to say in order to move forward like she wanted to.

Serenity looked away then back to him. Her face flushed hot like she was in a furnace rather than the pleasant, cool morning air.

“I want to go out with you. Again,” she amended.

“I want to call in that rain check. I’ll plan everything?—”

He stepped closer, and her words died in her throat. “No.”

Gaping, she stared right back. “No?” she squeaked.

“No, you won’t plan everything.” His mouth twitched, his smile returning.

“I would love nothing more than to go out on another date with you. It’s all I’ve been thinking about, actually.

But I’d be lying if I said that I could handle you planning a date when I personally feel it’s my responsibility. ”

She bit back a smile. “So chivalrous of you.”

He moved even closer. There was barely enough room to stick a book between them. “No, I’m just a little obsessed, and I don’t want you lifting a finger. I want you to see just how much you mean to me.”

Breath had never eluded her before this moment. She couldn’t recall a single experience with Finn where she was left speechless. Maybe it was because they’d gotten along so well over the course of their teenage years that she could anticipate what he was going to say before he said it.

Reese was another issue altogether.

Serenity cleared her throat, suddenly realizing there were other men watching their interaction.

“Do you… um… are you going out… do you have to work late today?” There.

She’d finally spit it out. Still, her face flushed even hotter, and she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.

Instead, she stared at a spot right between his eyes.

He chuckled, and her knees nearly buckled. Why was this so hard?

Because maybe you want him just as much as he wants you.

That had her heart racing even more, and if it didn’t decide to slow down, she might actually faint.

Reese reached out for her hand. It was the smallest gesture, and one that immediately made her swoon. He rubbed small circles on the back of her hand. At least he wasn’t staring at her directly anymore. His voice was low and soothing. “No. I’m holding down the fort here for today.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

A small smile touched his lips. For a second, it seemed their conversation might end, but he was still holding her hand. Then he murmured, “I can’t stop thinking about that kiss last night.”

“Me neither,” she whispered.

“I’m glad you sought me out. I was…”

Worried .

He didn’t have to say it for her to know that was what he was thinking.

She nodded. “If you’re not willing to let me plan our next official date… maybe we could do something else?”

His eyes lifted to meet hers, and all she saw there was hope. It both wrecked her and built her up to heights she hadn’t been since Finn had been alive. “Yeah?”

“How long do you get to spend for lunch?”

“How long do you need?”

Serenity wouldn’t have been able to hide the smile she wore if her life depended on it. “I was just thinking that the boys might like to have a picnic today. And they’d definitely enjoy it more if you were there.”

“They like me that much, huh?”

“They adore you,” she admitted. “But you already knew that.”

“And you?”

“Hmm?” She was losing track of what they were talking about when he looked at her like that. Those eyes, geez, they could do so much damage to her thundering heart.

“Do you… adore me ?”

She huffed out a laugh. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out.

” Serenity tugged free of him, finding it harder than she’d expected, not because his grip was firm but because she wanted to keep this moment going.

It was comfortable and exhilarating all at once.

She put a decided step between them and nodded toward the other cowboys.

“You might want to get to work. They’re looking at you. ”

“Let them look.”

More laughter peeled from her lips, unbidden. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“And you wrap the rope around there. Yeah, like that. Then pull it through.” Reese’s eyes found hers, and the pulse in her throat quickened. He wasn’t close enough to touch, and yet his presence—those eyes, that smile—it was all enough to set her heart into overdrive.

“Mom? Can I have more grapes?”

She glanced down at Jessi, who was holding up his plate. Tegan and Reese were once again engrossed in their knot tying lesson. Serenity nodded and scooped out a handful onto Jessi’s plate before he settled it in his lap with a grin.

The sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It was quiet out at Sagebrush Ranch today with most of the men gone. There was a sense of tranquility, and Serenity found herself reveling in what the day offered her.

She closed her eyes and turned her face to the sun. It had been a long time since she’d felt this way—like there wasn’t something bad lurking behind the corner. It made her wonder how her life would turn out if she allowed herself to follow the path she was taking.

Tegan grumbled, and Reese chuckled under his breath. “You almost got it that time. Here, let’s try it once more before we do a different one.”

“No. I want to figure this one out,” Tegan muttered. “You said it was the best one to use when you hogtie a cow.”

Her eyes opened, and she found Reese glancing in her direction.

They shared a knowing smile. Tegan was stubborn.

Even at seven, he seemed to be set in his ways.

If either of her boys were going to have problems with her dating again, it would be him.

But based on how much time he liked to spend with Reese, she wasn’t overly concerned.

“Okay, go slower this time so you don’t miss a step. I’m going to let you do it on your own.”

Tegan stuck the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on his work. Serenity closed her eyes again, relishing in this day, in the prospect for the future. Finally making a decision about going out with Reese had been the best thing she could have done.

They’d be going on a date with just the two of them soon enough. They’d spend the next several weeks getting to know each other, and then they’d tell her sons if things got that serious.

For now, she was going to bask in the sun and enjoy seeing her sons connect with the man who was quickly stealing her heart.

“Yes! I did it!”

Reese’s rumbling laughter brought a smile to her face, but she didn’t open her eyes. She could sense his attention on her before she felt his presence at her side. The boys’ shuffling footsteps darted away, their laughter and chatter fading the farther they got from their picnic location.

Keeping her eyes closed, she murmured, “What are they up to now?”

His light touch trailed along her arm, lazily moving up and down, causing all sorts of goosebumps and shivers to attack her body. His voice hummed close to her ear, low and only for her to hear. “They went to get more rope.”

She opened her eyes then, looking at him. “Do they know where to find it?”

He shrugged. “They can’t get into much trouble on their own. If they’re not back in ten minutes, I’ll get them.”

Serenity straightened. “Ten minutes is a lifetime when it comes to boys their ages.” Before she could get to her feet, he placed a hand on her knee.

“It’ll be good for them to do some exploring. Trust me.”

She hesitated, searching his gaze for anything she could use to convince herself to stay put. She must have found it because she relaxed slightly and exhaled. “You’re sure? They won’t get into any trouble?”

He turned his focus to her arm again, dragging his fingertips up and down her sensitive skin. “Positive.” Then he leaned in close and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

There was no more wondering if this could really be happening. It was. And the most surprising thing of all was just how right it had started to feel.

Reese could be that piece in her life that she’d not known she needed. He would never replace what she had with Finn, but he could certainly come close. He cared about her boys, and he made her feel things she’d thought would remain dormant.

He didn’t have to say a single thing. When his eyes met hers, she knew .

Theirs was a story she wanted to be told.