Page 46 of A Cornish Winter’s Kiss

‘Me too. I know we can never make up for lost time, but Viv has been telling me for years that I should lay all my cards on the table. It’s taken me all this time of watching her with Fiona to finally admit all the mistakes I made, and I just want the chance to try and undo the ones that I can.

I kept that suitcase of stuff up in the attic for years, all the time I was with Sandra, and even since I married Viv.

I’d go up there sometimes just to look at it, or to add to the scrapbook and photo albums your mum had kept for you since you were born.

It was as if I could still share with her what our boy was doing, but when Viv found the case, and I admitted you didn’t know most of the contents even existed, she was angrier than I’ve ever seen her before.

I thought I was saving you pain by not exposing you to memories that might be difficult to relive, just like I thought I was protecting us both by not talking to you about your mum after she died.

But Viv told me in no uncertain terms that it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard, and that by keeping your mum’s things from you I was robbing you of so much.

She said you were the one I should have been talking to about how proud I am of all the things you’ve achieved. ’

‘So it was you who added those things to the scrapbook?’

‘Yes, and I’ve kept every press cutting about your career, and a copy of each of your books in every format and translation they’ve been published in.

’ Charles opened the door of a mahogany cabinet that was pushed up against one of the walls.

‘They’re all in here and I wish every day that your mum could have lived to see what you’ve achieved, despite all the mistakes I’ve made. ’

‘I’ve done my own share of messing things up.

’ Jude wanted to reach out to his father, but years of distance between them couldn’t be bridged in a single day.

His father’s honesty meant more to him than he could convey, but it couldn’t wave a magic wand and suddenly make everything easy between them.

This was a huge step in the right direction, but it was going to take time to undo the mistakes of the last twenty-five years, for both of them.

‘From where I’m standing you haven’t messed anything up, Jude.

But I know it hurts Viv when you push her away, and I think it probably hurts you too.

I understand why you do it, and that’s my fault too, but I don’t want you to miss out on anything else because of me.

I’ve taken enough from you.’ Charles gave another shuddering sigh.

‘Let yourself be a proper part of this family. I’m living testament of how much good that can do you. ’

‘I think I’d like that.’ There it was again – unfiltered honesty.

Jude was admitting things out loud that for years he hadn’t even admitted to himself, for fear of getting hurt.

Yet here he was, being vulnerable and open with the one person he’d spent his life being most guarded around in order to protect himself from the pain of rejection.

He’d never in a million years have imagined having this conversation with his father, and he didn’t think Charles would ever have said the things he had if it hadn’t been for Viv.

But the truth was his stepmother wasn’t the only miracle worker.

If he hadn’t met Emily, he’d almost certainly never have been ready to listen to what his father had to say, and it was just one more thing he had to thank her for.

Emily adored the chaos of the run-up to Christmas when all the family were together.

Once Charlotte, Jake and the children descended upon the household it was a whirlwind of activity.

By the time Jude arrived, she’d already played three games of Guess Who with Bronte and had been a makeshift horse for the twins, ferrying them up and down the hallway while she was urged to giddy up each time.

She hadn’t been sure what Jude would think of spending the day with them all.

He’d admitted that he’d avoided spending time at his father’s house and hadn’t built the kind of relationship he could have done with his stepsister’s children as a result.

Yet within five minutes of arriving at the house, he’d already been roped into becoming the second horse and racing up the hallway with Ellis on his back, against Emily and Arthur.

The dogs had both decided to take refuge in the conservatory, no doubt keen to avoid becoming stand-in horses.

‘I like him already.’ Charlotte had cornered Emily, speaking in low tones, when Jude had finally conceded defeat in the last race.

‘He’s a good sport, he’s great with the kids and he makes you laugh more than I’ve seen you laugh in a long time.

Not to mention the fact that he’s quite wonderful to look at, even galloping along the floor on all fours. ’

As Charlotte had laughed, Emily wished she could play it down and tell her sister she was making too much of it. But her stupid romantic soul seemed determined to side with her sister, whispering in every lull in conversation that Jude was exactly what she’d always wanted.

‘Will you do Just Dance with me again?’ Bronte was hanging off Jude’s arm now, looking up at him with puppy-dog eyes and pleading for just one more dance off on the video game that was her new obsession. He really had taken being a good sport to a whole new level.

‘No, Jude will not dance with you again. You said that if we let you play for a third time you would absolutely, cross your heart, pinky promise to not ask again.’ Jake had got the impression of his daughter spot on, complete with actions.

‘So, young lady, a deal’s a deal. It’s time to go up to bed. ’

‘But I’m not a baby, I don’t want to go to bed at the same time as the twins.’

‘Ellis and Arthur have already been in bed for an hour, darling, and if you don’t do what your father says, one of the elves might tell Father Christmas.’ Charlotte’s tone may have sounded matter-of-fact, but there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on her face.

‘Can you take me up now, Daddy?’ Bronte all but threw herself into her father’s arms in her haste to get to bed. There was no way she wanted to risk a demotion to the naughty list this late in the game.

‘Okay, darling, but say thank you to Jude and Auntie Em for playing with you.’

‘Thank you, Joooood.’ Bronte hung out the single syllable of his name as she marched over to give him a hug goodnight before turning to her aunt and doing the same thing.

She had a powerful squeeze for such a tiny girl, and it was one of Emily’s favourite things in the world.

‘Night night, Auntie Em, can you bring Jooooood to play again, please?’

‘Maybe he could come on Christmas Day?’ It was Patsy who made the suggestion, making Bronte shriek in delight.

‘Yay!’

‘Jude’s spending Christmas with his family, and I think one dose of the chaos in this house is probably enough for anyone.’

‘I love the chaos.’ Jude sounded as though he genuinely meant it. ‘And if the offer is open on Boxing Day, I’d love to come back and see if I can finally beat you at Just Dance, Bronte.’

‘You can try.’ Bronte grinned, suddenly sounding more like sixteen than six, making them all laugh.

‘It’s probably just as well you’re not coming on Christmas Day, Jude.’ Charlotte pulled a face. ‘Because apparently Em is cooking the dinner. So you might have to come and visit us all in St Piran’s Hospital on Boxing Day.’

Emily threw a cushion at her sister’s departing back as Charlotte burst out laughing again, going with Jake to put their daughter to bed.

‘Can I help you put some of this away?’ Jude turned towards Emily, in the middle of a lounge that now looked as though it had been ransacked by looters.

‘Don’t you dare, you’re a guest.’ Emily’s father moved to stand up from his armchair, but his face twisted in pain. Richard was suffering his third bout of sciatica in the past year and it was part of the reason why Emily had put her foot down and insisted he wouldn’t be cooking dinner this year.

‘I thought throwing myself in to games night made me an honorary part of the family? I’m sure that’s what I signed up to.’ Jude was already busying himself with putting the cushions back where there belonged on the sofa.

‘Anyway, Dad, Charlotte will be reporting you and Mum to the elves too if you don’t do as you’re told and take it a bit easy.’ Emily blew her father a kiss. ‘You can both sit here and take it easy while me and Jude get this place straight, and then I’ll make us all another drink.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ Her father gave a mock salute, but the relief on his face was obvious as he relaxed back into the chair. Not that anywhere was particularly comfortable at the moment, but it was certainly better than him rushing around the way he usually did.

It only took a few minutes for Emily and Jude to clear away the games and get the lounge looking almost back to normal. Afterwards, he followed her through to the kitchen, offering to help her get the drinks, and it was the first time they’d been alone since he’d arrived.

‘Thank you for tonight.’ She turned to face him.

‘I was about to say the same to you. I had such a great evening.’ Jude smiled in a way that lit him up from the inside out.

‘This was the kind of family I used to dream of having when I was at boarding school. I used to fantasise about something happening to make Sandra disappear, and my father finding someone who’d give us the kind of life I only ever saw in the movies, with loads of kids around and lots of fun. ’

‘I’m so sorry you never had that.’ Emily couldn’t stop herself from reaching out to touch his face.

‘For a really long time I felt sorry for myself too, but I don’t think I’d have appreciated a night like tonight anywhere near as much if I hadn’t been through all of that.

’ Jude had a way of looking at her that made it feel as if the rest of the world had disappeared.

‘I don’t know what you’ve done to me, Emily Anderson, but I like it a lot. ’

‘I like it a lot too.’ She lifted her face up towards his and kissed him, not the way she would have kissed him if she hadn’t been in her parents’ kitchen, with a very good chance of one of her family bursting in at any moment.

But the kind of kiss that made her feel connected to Jude in a way that went beyond the purely physical.

It was hard to break away, but eventually she forced herself to take a step backwards.

‘I was thinking about you all afternoon. How did it go with your dad?’

‘Really well, better than I could ever have imagined.’ Jude shook his head, as if he still couldn’t quite believe it, and by the time he’d finished recounting the conversation with his father, Emily was struggling with her own emotions.

‘It sounds like Viv finally made your dad realise that bottling up his feelings to try and protect you was the worst thing he could have done.’

‘It seems all the Cavendish men need someone to help them realise what’s right in front of their faces.

Although now you’ve forced me to admit I have feelings, you’ve only got yourself to blame if I start writing poetry comparing you to stars in the midnight sky, or buying you giant teddy bears clutching red satin hearts.

’ He laughed and Emily gave an exaggerated shrug.

‘I think I can live with the consequences, but if you get me a plastic rose, or a pillow with your face printed on it, I’m taking out a restraining order.’

‘Maybe I’ll just kiss you again to be on the safe side.’ Almost as soon as Jude pressed his lips against hers, Charlotte charged through the door of the kitchen.

‘Can you two stop slobbering all over each other for five minutes? Some of us are dying of thirst in there.’ Charlotte’s laughter was still ringing around the kitchen when she disappeared back down the hallway, her delight at taking the mickey out of her little sister exactly the same as it had been when they were kids.

‘Are you still enjoying the chaos of family life?’ Emily gave Jude a rueful grin, and he nodded.

‘I think I could definitely get used to it.’ As Jude took hold of her hand, Emily reminded herself to be careful.

It was so easy to picture Jude as a permanent fixture, but his life had been flipped upside down since they’d got to Cornwall.

Everything that happened between them might be down to the shock of discovering so much about his past in such a short time.

For all Emily knew, this could just be a form of distraction, so that he didn’t have to process it all at once.

She had to hold on to the possibility that when the dust settled, he’d decide he still didn’t really believe in the idea of love.

All Emily could do was pray that he didn’t go back to thinking that way, because it was already too late to protect her heart from getting broken if he did.