Page 34 of A Cornish Winter’s Kiss

The conversation with his father had strengthened Jude’s desire to search for his biological mother.

He needed to know the circumstances of his adoption, but more than ever he wanted to know how it had felt for her to give him up.

Had she spent her whole life waiting for him to get in contact, or had she not even put her name on the register?

He’d spent hours googling when he’d got home, and all he’d got for his efforts was a growing sense of frustration and impatience.

Leaving the process to the official channels was safer and, as much as he wanted to know what had led up to his adoption, he didn’t want to contact someone who was desperate not to be found.

But then he thought about how long it might take and the looming deadline for the revisions to his book, which he seemed completely incapable of concentrating on, and he knew he had to do something.

That was when the googling started again and he eventually hit on the idea of using an intermediary service.

It was getting light by the time Jude sent the email to the one which seemed the best fit, explaining what he wanted and giving them his name and number.

He’d had no idea that the call back would come so quickly, and he was still asleep when it did.

‘Oh, hi, is that Jude Cavendish?’

‘It is.’ Jude’s head felt fuzzy, as if he’d been up drinking all night rather than spending it down a virtual rabbit hole on the internet, trying to work out the best way of finding his biological mother.

‘Great, I’m Courtney Davies, from Reunion Connections, and I understand you’d like to use our service to find your biological mother?’

‘That’s right. I’ve already added myself to the adoption contact register, but it feels like a long wait to hear back from them, and of course there’s a chance she might not even have added her name. So I wanted to try and speed up the process of finding her.’

‘Our service might not make the process any quicker, however we do have a dedicated team who will follow up queries with local authorities and government agencies when responses are slow. If that feels like something you might not have time to do yourself.’ Courtney sounded like she was reading from a script, but Jude didn’t need much convincing.

He didn’t want to get involved in the bureaucratic process, because he could already see how easily it could become all-consuming, and he had a book to rewrite.

‘I can see the benefits of leaving all that to you.’ Jude had seen on their website that the agency had a fixed fee, so he knew what he’d be getting into if he asked them to act on his behalf, and it felt more than worth it.

‘Okay good.’ Courtney sounded a bit more enthusiastic. ‘And I understand you believe you have your biological mother’s name?’

‘Yes, that’s right, that and her date of birth, as well as where I was born. My father gave me the information when I was eighteen, but it’s only in the last couple of weeks that I’ve wanted to find her.’

‘It’s possible that the name your father was given wasn’t correct.

’ Courtney’s statement was matter-of-fact, but her words made Jude catch his breath.

She was right; he had no way of verifying that what his parents had been told was true.

He’d just taken his father’s word for it and held that name in his head for years, never wanting to act on it, but knowing he could if he changed his mind.

‘Is there a way of finding out?’

‘Yes, there is.’ Courtney clearly wasn’t going to give him any pointers, in case he decided to do it on his own, but he wanted to make it clear to her that wasn’t an option.

‘I started looking for her online, and I thought about checking the registers of births, marriages and deaths, but there’s so much information to go through and I don’t want to find someone who doesn’t want to be found.’

‘I think that’s a great way to approach this.

As I said, whilst we can’t guarantee making the process any quicker, we can help protect the people involved.

Not everyone chooses to add their name to the contact register, but that doesn’t always mean they aren’t open to being found.

If your biological mother does want contact, we can pass on the details.

’ Courtney paused for a moment, before continuing.

‘As I’m sure you know, some individuals choose to veto contact.

This can be absolute, which vetoes any kind of contact, or it might be a qualified veto, where contact can be made in certain circumstances.

Even in the case of an absolute veto, it’s sometimes still possible to pass on key information, such as hereditary medical conditions.

It’s very unusual for us not to be able to pass on some kind of information as a result of the search, and we truly believe it’s a far better option than going it alone, or signing up to a DNA website, as some adopted children choose to do. ’

‘I don’t want to pursue that option. I have no interest in finding a second cousin in Milton Keynes. I’d just like the chance to have a conversation with my biological mother, even if it’s only once.’

‘I understand that. I’ll email you some information about how to get the process started and what we’ll need from you.

Then we’ll run some initial checks using the name you were given.

Our first goal is always to establish that the person we’re searching for is still living, and there are a couple of ways to do that quite easily.

After that we can get going with the next phase of the search, but please remember these things are rarely as quick as we’d like them to be. ’

‘Okay, I understand that. Thanks for all your help and I look forward to hearing from you.’ As Jude ended the call, he suddenly shivered, a sense of foreboding settling on him for just a moment, before he shook it off.

It was understandable that this felt like a big step, and of course he was going to question whether he might be making a mistake, but he’d already examined the worst-case scenario.

If all his biological mother wanted to do was forget he’d ever existed, then at least he’d know.

Ignorance had stopped being bliss a long time ago.

Emily had a biscuit tin under one arm and Gary Barlow under the other as she climbed the steep stairs up to Puffin’s Rest. Her parents’ dog never went upstairs and it turned out he didn’t even seem to know how.

He’d put his front two paws on the second step up and then refused to go any further, even when she’d given a gentle tug on the lead.

‘We could just have met down by the harbour again.’ Emily’s pronouncement as Jude opened the door to her was only partly because of the effort of carrying the dog up the stairs.

The idea of being alone with Jude in his flat suddenly seemed like a risk she didn’t need to take.

He was making them lunch, and he’d finally asked if she minded reading some pages from his reworked novel to get her perspective, which she’d offered to do before they’d even come down to Cornwall.

They’d met the day before, for their usual walk with the dogs, and Jude had told her about his decision to contact an intermediary agency to move forward the search for his biological mother.

It was clear this was a big step, but it was just as clear it was one he needed to take so that he could free up some head space to finish his book.

His editor had called him when they’d been out with the dogs, checking on his progress.

She just hoped she’d be able to tell him the pages he’d reworked were brilliant, because she was all out of ideas about how to help him write a believable relationship for DCI McGuigan.

He’d met her parents, and she got the impression he’d liked them every bit as much as they’d liked him.

They hadn’t stopped asking when he was coming round again and, on her way out of the house, her mother had instructed her to check whether he was coming to watch Elf with them over the weekend.

She’d also given Emily a tin of Christmas cookies to pass on.

‘Meeting down by the harbour for lunch would probably have been a good idea. It would have got me out of the flat and away from the computer for a bit longer.’ Jude stepped back to allow both her and Gary Barlow inside. ‘That way I might actually stop checking my emails every five minutes.’

‘Are you waiting for some news about your books?’ Emily remembered Sophia jumping at the phone every time it pinged when they’d been out together the previous year.

One of her books had been optioned by a TV company, and there was a meeting that day to discuss whether it had been selected for production.

Sophia hadn’t been able to relax while she was waiting for the news.

After about the third time she’d leapt on her phone to check a message, even Emily was feeling jumpy.

‘No. I know it’s stupid, because it’s almost certainly going to be weeks before I hear anything, but I can’t stop myself from checking whether there are any messages about the adoption search.’

‘That’s understandable.’ Emily followed Jude through to the open-plan living area, and he invited her to take a seat.

No one would ever have guessed it was less than two weeks to Christmas judging from the décor.

There wasn’t a single strand of fairy lights on display, never mind the kind of six-foot Christmas tree that would have looked stunning in front of the full-length windows looking out towards the sea.

‘If you want something to distract you from checking your emails, Mum and Dad have been nagging me to invite you over to watch Elf tomorrow night. Apparently, you told Mum it was your favourite and after the children break up from school, you won’t get the chance to see any more films in peace because my sister and her kids will be there in person for every movie night after that. ’