Page 22 of A Cornish Winter’s Kiss

‘No, it’s my treat. I haven’t seen Rosie since she got her new job, so I was planning to buy her breakfast to say congratulations.’

‘Okay, but I need to thank Rosie too. My original storyline with the pathologist just doesn’t work and I was thinking of having McGuigan get involved with an ex, but I’m now wondering if his partner should be a nurse or a midwife.

Someone who helps him see that there are still good people in the world.

’ As Jude looked at Rosie, Emily’s scalp prickled in response.

She couldn’t have begun to justify why, but she hated the thought of him using her old friend’s job to make the revisions to his story instead of the things she’d suggested.

‘You could always buy me dinner instead.’ Rosie looked at Jude, and the prickling on Emily’s scalp became more intense.

Rosie didn’t go as far as fluttering her eyelashes, but the flirtatious tone to her voice was unmistakeable.

‘In the meantime I’ll leave you both to argue over who buys me breakfast. I’ve got new lives to bring into the world. I’m a superhero!’

She laughed, but Emily suspected she was only half joking.

Rosie clearly wanted to impress Jude, and he had every right to be impressed.

Her friend did an amazing job; all Emily did was read stories other people had written.

Deep down, she knew it made a difference to people; she’d had messages from people telling her that.

Only right now she felt completely inadequate.

There was a twinge of something else too that she’d rather not acknowledge, but it felt uncomfortably like jealousy.

Rosie was single and gorgeous, and she’d already stated that she was up for a fling.

It would be perfect timing with Jude being in Port Agnes over Christmas, and it had been obvious that Rosie was attracted to him.

The only problem was that Emily absolutely hated the idea, and she didn’t even want to think about why that was.

‘Are you really considering making McGuigan’s love interest a midwife?’ She fiddled with the paper napkin in front of her once Rosie was gone.

‘I don’t know. It’s just an idea. I can’t work out how I can link it back to his past in the same way I could if it was someone he trained with.

But I like the idea of the contrast to his job, one that’s all about murder and the horrors of this world, and another that involves bringing new life into the world, like Rosie said.

’ He paused for a moment, but when she didn’t look up or respond, he continued.

‘It all goes back to what you were talking about, providing light and shade.’

‘So you’re saying that whatever option you choose it was my idea?’ This time she was the one who delivered the slow smile, and he laughed.

‘I guess so.’

‘It’s interesting that it got you thinking the way it did.

Surely you must admit, after hearing Rosie’s stories, that some types of love can’t be denied; like the love between a mother and her child.

’ As soon as the words were out of Emily’s mouth, she wanted to stuff them back in again.

Jude’s face had fallen and she’d realised, far too late, that she’d put her foot in it.

Here she was, talking to a man who’d lost his own mother when he was still just a boy.

‘I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.

I can only imagine how hard it was for you to lose your mum when you were so young.

It was a stupid thing to say. I just meant that some kinds of love have a power that defies logic. ’

‘Maybe, but that’s not always the case, even between a mother and her child.

And certainly not always between a father and his child, at least not in my experience.

’ He held her gaze for what felt like an eternity, as if he was weighing up whether to continue, but then he did.

‘I told you about losing my mum, but what I didn’t tell you was that she was my adoptive mother. ’

‘Oh.’ Jude had a habit of making revelations that left her with no idea what to say in response.

She wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way, but she didn’t know if he’d welcome it, or whether it was even the right thing to do.

She didn’t want him thinking she viewed adoption as something to be pitied.

That wasn’t why she felt so sad. It was because he’d lost his adoptive mother, and it didn’t sound like his father had done anything to try and minimise the impact of that loss.

She still didn’t know what the right thing to say was, but for some reason she ended up blurting out a question she strongly suspected she shouldn’t ask.

‘Are you in contact with your biological parents?’

If Jude was fazed by the question, he didn’t show it.

‘After the skiing accident, my father didn’t even want to talk about my mother any more, and just a couple of years later he’d remarried.

It felt like I was the only person who remembered Mum, and we’d never had the chance to talk about how she might feel if I wanted to find my biological mother.

She was the most loving person I’ve ever known, and she always put me first, so I didn’t want to do something she might have hated, just to track down a woman who chose to give me away. ’

‘I doubt it was easy.’ She couldn’t seem to stop herself from crossing the line.

Something inside her wanted to defend this faceless and nameless woman and to make Jude believe in the power of love.

‘I can’t pretend to know the facts about your adoption, but I do know that the vast majority of women whose babies are adopted do it out of love, because they want the best possible life for their child.

And it sounds like your mother gave you that kind of life before she died. ’

‘She did.’ Jude’s eyes locked with hers again.

‘If I was going to buy into your view that love isn’t always some kind of transaction, she’s the one who could make me believe it.

But the rest of my childhood made it difficult to remember what that felt like.

My father didn’t show me love, and my stepmother definitely didn’t.

Sandra hated me even more than I hated her.

She couldn’t wait to get me packed off to boarding school and my father didn’t put up any objection. ’

‘I’m so sorry.’ Emily’s fingers twitched with the desire to reach out and take his hand, but she balled them in her lap beneath the table instead. ‘I can understand now why you didn’t relish the idea of coming home for Christmas.’

‘Thankfully Sandra moved on quite quickly, but that didn’t change the way my father acted towards me. He was still just as distant as ever. His third wife, Viv, is lovely, but my relationship with my father is never going to change now.’

‘I don’t blame you for feeling that way, but I’d have thought you might believe in second chances more than most.’

‘Because I’m such a ray of positivity?’ It was good to see the smile back on his face, but she wasn’t going to let his self-depreciation get him off the hook.

‘No, because you’re writing about DCI McGuigan, a flawed character who changes into a better version of himself when he experiences love. The relationship is his chance of redemption. So you must be able to envisage a scenario in which your father is capable of the same thing.’

‘How do you know so much about McGuigan?’ He was watching her now, his eyes never leaving her face, and she had to look down again.

‘I’ve read both books in the series so far, and the notes you sent me from your editor.’

‘Really?’ Jude tilted his head to one side as she nodded. ‘It’s slightly concerning that you might know McGuigan better than I do. Although I guess that’s exactly what I needed, a fresh perspective from someone who understands storytelling.’

‘Where are you going?’ She called out to Jude as he stood up and turned away from their table, only looking back to respond to her question.

‘I’m going to pay the bill and then I’m going home to have another look at the revisions Marty wants.

I need to think about them again from the perspective you’ve just given me.

’ He reached out and touched her hand for such a brief moment she almost wondered if she’d imagined it, before he stepped away again.

‘Thank you, and we’re not arguing over it any more – breakfast is on me, and I want you to bill me for your time today. It’s given me a lot to think about.’

‘This wasn’t a consultation. It was just friends having a chat.’

‘Friends?’ He raised his eyebrows, and colour flooded Emily’s face. He clearly didn’t feel that way, and she suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the world for thinking that the arrangement between them was anything but professional.

‘Not us.’ The heat from the blush intensified; she was making it worse. ‘I just meant that Rosie and I are friends. We were chatting, and that just happened to help you when you joined us. I’m not charging you a consultation fee for that.’

‘Oh, okay.’ If she hadn’t known better she would have sworn he looked disappointed, but then his expression cleared. ‘The offer is open if you change your mind, but next time we’re settling the money in advance. Like I said before, I can’t ask you to keep helping me if you don’t let me pay you.’

‘If it makes you more comfortable, next time I’ll charge you my usual hourly rate.

’ A middle-aged woman who’d just come over to join a table to the side of them shot Emily a disgusted look, which broke the tension, making them both laugh.

It was only when Jude had paid the bill and said goodbye that she realised he’d never answered her question about whether he thought his father was capable of change.

Sadly, she was almost certain she knew the answer.