Page 41 of A Cornish Winter’s Kiss

Emily had tried calling Jude to apologise for what had happened at the bookshop and, when he hadn’t answered, she’d messaged him instead.

She’d felt awful about Gwen blurting out that she knew his biological mother, which had probably made him feel as if Emily had betrayed him.

She hadn’t even known that her mother had mentioned it to Gwen, but she didn’t blame Jude for not answering her calls.

He’d expressly told her he didn’t want to go looking for his birth mother unless he was sure she wanted to hear from him, and she’d witnessed how hard the news of Patricia’s death had hit him.

Since meeting Jude, she’d come to realise that he found it uncomfortable when anyone’s focus was on him.

Every time someone at the bookshop had made a comment about how talented he was, or how well his career was going, he’d turn it into some kind of joke, or play it off as lucky.

It was obvious he didn’t like talking about himself, so the idea of her parents and their friends all talking about him would have been really disconcerting.

Emily still wanted the chance to explain, and to tell him that she hadn’t gone against his wishes and got Gwen involved.

It had just been Patsy trying her hardest to help, and getting it almost as wrong as her daughter.

Emily had to set herself a limit though.

Three messages of apology and that was it.

If he didn’t reply after that, she needed to accept he didn’t want to hear from her again.

She couldn’t make sense of why the idea of that bothered her as much as it did, so she didn’t even try.

The day after the bookshop event, she took herself off to the studio in Truro to do another recording, something she’d scheduled in weeks ago.

She’d hoped it would be a distraction, but it wasn’t.

She wasn’t sure she could even have recalled the plot of the novel she’d been narrating if someone had asked her, because her mind had been elsewhere the whole time.

Emily had checked her phone as soon as she’d come out of the studio, but there’d been no response from Jude to her third and final text.

When she pulled up to her parents’ house, the first thing she did was check her phone again, but there was still no response.

Her fingers twitched with the desire to send another message, not just because she wanted him to reply, but because there was a sense of growing injustice rising up inside her.

She hadn’t gone behind Jude’s back; he’d told her mother himself that he was adopted.

The only thing she’d told Patsy that Jude hadn’t already shared with her was where he’d been born.

That was hardly the crime of the century.

‘Please stop looking at me like that, you’re making me feel miserable.

’ Gary Barlow fixed her with an exquisitely sad look in his eyes the moment she walked in the door.

He wanted to see Rufus, she didn’t need to speak dog to work that out.

But it wasn’t going to happen, and she didn’t need him making her feel guilty on top of everything else.

‘Seems like you’re already pretty miserable to me.’ Emily’s father called out to her from the lounge, and she walked through to where her parents were cuddled up on the sofa together, underneath a heated throw.

‘It’s just been a frustrating day. I kept messing up the recording, so I ended up having to pay for some extra studio time.

This book is for an author I’ve never worked with before and she approached me direct, so the rate is more than I usually get.

But it will end up being less than normal if I keep having to pay for extra studio time, and if I make a hash of it she won’t want to use me again.

’ Emily flopped heavily into one of the armchairs opposite her parents, the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree seeming to mock her with their jollity.

‘I’m sorry you’ve had a tough day, Em, but we both know the real reason you’re out of sorts.

It’s because I interfered and spoke to Gwen.

’ Emily’s mother bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears.

‘I feel terrible about it and I just wish you’d give me Jude’s number so I can call him to explain.

I’d walk down to Puffin’s Rest myself and knock on the door if I could.

I can’t stand the thought that me being such a busybody has come between you. ’

‘Oh, Mum, it hasn’t.’ Emily shook her head.

She hated seeing her mum upset and she wasn’t going to let Patsy feel guilty about something that would probably have happened anyway.

Jude had already gone cold on her after the kiss; what happened at the bookshop had just put the final nail in the coffin.

‘It wasn’t the best idea for Gwen to just blurt out that she knew Jude’s biological mother, but he was already shutting down on me.

I don’t know, maybe he’s got what he needed for the book and he was just ready to move on.

Either way, he’d already stopped wanting to meet up before last night. ’

‘Then more fool him.’ Emily’s father sighed at the exact same moment her phone pinged with a text message. It was from Jude.

I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like an idiot.

It’s not an excuse but so many things have happened in the last few days and I just needed some time to process it all, but I shouldn’t have shut you out.

Without you, I’d still be wondering about so much of my past, not even realising how much it was affecting me.

I hope you can forgive me for being a giant pain in the arse.

Rufus is on his last legs with misery about not seeing Gary Barlow.

Please will you both come out with us tomorrow, otherwise I don’t think he’ll ever acknowledge my existence again xx

Emily looked at the phone, unable to stop the corners of her mouth from curving upwards in response.

Maybe she should have been cool and offhand, but she wasn’t into playing games and the two kisses on the message from Jude was definitely a first. She decided to keep her reply light-hearted all the same.

She didn’t want to go in with heavy sentiment and send him running for the hills again.

Gary Barlow and I would love to come for a walk. He is currently wallowing in a similar amount of misery to Rufus, which simply cannot continue. As such, I am willing to overlook your tendency to act like a massive pain in the arse… What time and where should we meet? xx

‘I take it Jude has finally got in touch?’ Her mother really didn’t miss a trick.

‘How did you know?’

‘The look on your face, my darling girl. It gives you away every time.’ Her mother laughed as another text pinged through from Jude.

Can I pick you up from your parents’ house at eleven?

I thought we could have some lunch and go for a walk on the headland at Port Tremellien.

I need to pick something up from my father’s place on the way back, and I thought the dogs might appreciate somewhere new to sniff out all the disgusting things they seem to love xx

Emily typed a short response.

Sounds perfect. See you then xx

Sitting back in the armchair, she tried to convince herself that Jude’s message hadn’t changed her mood as drastically as it had.

She wasn’t sure she liked the idea of anyone having that much control over how she felt.

But as Sophia had written in her last book, sometimes emotions had minds of their own.

Jude had felt like he was back at school and about to take an exam when he was on the drive over to Lowenna Close.

It had been a relief to get a jokey text back from Emily, but seeing her face to face again suddenly felt awkward.

He’d made their kiss the focus of his tangled emotions on the day he’d discovered that Trisha had died instead of allowing himself to acknowledge how the news had made him feel.

It had been the same when Gwen had casually announced that she’d known Trisha.

Instead of admitting how apprehensive he felt about what that might uncover, he’d directed the blame at Emily.

‘You always push people away when they get too close. It’s like you’re frightened of coming to rely on them.

’ That was what Marty had told him after he’d called to see how the event at Cecil’s Adventures had gone.

He’d found himself telling Marty a lot more than he’d planned, and admitting that he hadn’t responded to any of Emily’s messages.

‘To be fair, it hasn’t always gone that well for me when I’ve let myself rely on someone.’ Jude’s reply to his editor had been met with a snort of derision.

‘I’ve had your back for almost ten years, Jude, and I still do, but it’s about time you opened yourself up to the possibility of finding someone to share your life with.

I sleep with a mouthguard to stop me grinding my teeth, although I have to say working with you is probably one of the main reasons I developed the habit.

Either way, unless waking up next to someone who drools on their pillow is your idea of sexy, I don’t think I can be your life partner. ’

‘I’ve already got Rufus for that.’

‘Exactly.’ They’d both laughed, but then Marty had cleared his throat. ‘Seriously, Jude, the edits to the next book are one thing, but the rest of your life is quite another. Stop closing yourself off from everything you could be experiencing. Life is about more than work.’

‘I hope that’s some advice you’re taking for yourself.’ Jude had wished in that moment that he and Marty were face to face so that he could have given his old friend a hug and thanked him for his support.

‘I have my moments.’ Marty had hesitated for a moment. ‘And I might get a whole lot more of them if you’d finally finish that bloody book and cut my stress levels in half, so I don’t have to grind my teeth quite as much!’