Page 33 of A Cornish Winter’s Kiss

Jude looked at his watch. It was almost ten o’clock.

He should wait until the morning really, but suddenly he didn’t want to.

As tempting as it was just to call, he didn’t want to wake his father or Viv, or make them worry that something serious might be wrong.

Standing under the light of a streetlamp, he texted his father a short message.

Are you still awake? Just need to call you about something, but it’s nothing to worry about.

As Jude pressed send it crossed his mind that he wasn’t sure what would worry his father when it came to him. Would he be horribly upset if something happened to his only son, or would he shrug in that resigned way of his and carry on with a life that didn’t involve his son in any significant way?

Still awake, I’m staying up for Newsnight.

That summed it up. Richard and Patsy were Home Alone people, and his father’s idea of festive viewing was Newsnight . It was probably more worthy, but it sure wasn’t a lot of fun, and it was the way Charles had always been. Jude texted his father again.

I’ll call you now then, it won’t take long, you won’t miss Newsnight.

He sent the message via WhatsApp and waited until the two blue ticks appeared before calling his father.

‘Hi, Dad.’

‘Hello, Jude.’

‘How are you?’

‘Fine. How are you? How’s the holiday apartment?’

‘Good. Rufus loves it, although the seagulls seem to live to torment him.’ Jude smiled at the thought of the dog barking madly at the birds who pecked on the glass, seemingly with the sole purpose of winding him up. ‘How’s Viv?’

‘She’s fine. Asking when you’ll be coming to see us.’

‘Is she?’ Jude wondered if his father would ever have even mentioned it if he hadn’t called.

‘Yes. Let her know, will you?’

‘I will.’ He hadn’t intended going before Christmas, but that sense of duty was prodding at him again. There was something else he needed to say first though. ‘I wanted to call you to let you know that I’ve put my name on the adoption contact register.’

‘Right.’ His father’s response didn’t give any indication of how he felt about it and Jude wasn’t sure whether he’d even understood.

‘It means my biological mother will be able to contact me, if she’s on the register.’

‘Right.’ It seemed to be his father’s new favourite word, and Jude still had no idea how he felt about it, so he was going to have to ask.

‘Do you mind?’

‘Why would I?’ It was a reasonable enough question, but it was one Jude couldn’t answer. There might have been adoptive parents who’d feel threatened, or jealous, sad even, but they probably had very different relationships with their children than Charles had with Jude.

‘Do you think it would have upset Mum?’ He held his breath, willing his father to say something that would make him feel closer to Ros again, even just for a moment.

He still missed her so much, even after all this time, but he’d pushed that down for years, hiding it, even from himself.

It had been Emily who’d made him face it.

‘No.’ It hadn’t been the reply Jude had wanted. It was too simple, too easy, and anger surged inside him, making him snap back in response.

‘How can you possibly know that?’

‘Because we talked about it.’ His father sighed lightly.

‘When we discovered where you’d been born, we knew your biological mother must be local and I wanted us to move away.

I thought it would cause problems when there was such a big chance of crossing paths with her, but your mum wouldn’t hear of it.

She wanted it to be easier for you to find the woman who’d given birth to you if you wanted to one day.

Even if that never happened, she thought it was important you maintained a link to your other family.

Even if that was just by staying close to where your roots were.

It would have been hard for her, I’m sure, for you to suddenly have these other people in your life, but you always came first to your mother and she’d have wanted whatever you did. ’

There was a note of something in his father’s voice that Jude couldn’t define.

For a moment, he wondered if Charles might find it hard to see his son with another family, but his father could hardly complain about that.

After all, he already had another family of his own.

Asking Charles the question would probably just cause more hurt.

The least said between them always seemed to be for the better.

‘It helps to know she would have been okay with me doing it. Thank you.’ Jude wasn’t sure what he’d expected his father to say in response, but he should have known what was coming.

‘Don’t forget to let Viv know if you’re coming to see us before Christmas.’

‘I will. Bye, Dad.’ There’d been no wishes of good luck, and no requests to let him know if Jude’s search came to anything.

It clearly didn’t interest Charles, because it didn’t involve him, and the fact that the outcome might matter so much to his son didn’t even seem to come into the equation.

It had been so easy to believe that love might be everywhere when he’d been at 10 Lowenna Close, but all of a sudden Jude was back to being far less certain that it was.