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“I never want to hurt you again, but the learning curve on love is steep and I’m not that great at it. This is my first time.”
His words liquify me, but his actions speak louder. He was willing to sacrifice his dream of building a queer youth center for my farm. He pretended to leave so his motives are pure.
“Hjärtanskär,” I begin, but explain, “it means heart’s love. You are my heart and I love you. If I could take your pain for myself, I would. You deserve so much better than your past. If I could take revenge on the people who have made you feel unloved, I would.”
I kiss his forehead. “Your heart is extraordinary and if I can forgive you for temporarily giving up on us, you should too. You said you don’t have anything to offer me, but I disagree. You have given me things no one else has.” Alec frowns and I smooth out his eyebrows until he softens.
Then I continue washing him inside and out. He returns the favor, so we’ll be ready when the shower ends.
“It’s true. I’ve never once thought you were after fame or fortune. You were interested in me, in your over-the-top, American in-your-face-flirting way before you knew my background.”
“It’s because you’re hot.” Alec’s dimples enthrall me.
“Be serious.” I swat him and shut off the water. “You are kind and actively improving your community. I’m happy being in a room with you. No one has believed in me the way you do. It’s astonishing that you have zero expectations of my career choice.” I climb out of the tub after him.
“You’re on askitfarm to help make it profitable. Even Hans thinks I’m crazy for doing this. You see me as a whole person and not just my career. You are willing to help my dreams come true without telling me what they should be.” I hand him a towel that is as old as he is and use another one to dry his hair.
“I love you exactly the way you are.” His arms squeeze me tight and my heart is ready to explode.
“And I love you the same, which is how I can forgive you. You are the sum of your experiences and if I changed them, it would change who you are. You don’t think you could give me a second chance if I betrayed you, but you’re wrong—you did.” I wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so sorry you felt betrayed that I didn’t explain my visa status. Knowing what I know now, I would have talked to you before I was forced to leave.” I thread our fingers together, lead him to the bedroom, and lie on top of him.
“I assumed you knew people can’t decide on a whim to live in the US. There are strict rules and regulations. I will explain it and the process I’m going through to go back. I don’t expect this to be easy, but make me a promise.” We have to put our hearts on the line over and over for this to work long term.
“Can you promise to tell me your fears before you end things between us?” I ask. It’s easier to say than do it, but intent matters.
My head is resting on Alec’s racing heart with his chin tucked, so we maintain eye contact.
“Viking, I can’t promise not to fuck up, but I can absolutely promise to fight for us and never leave or let you leave without exhausting conversations. You’re probably going to get sick of my voice.”
“Never,” I say, and his eyebrows narrow. “Okay, that’s a lie. I did promise to shut you up with my dick.” I chuckle at the smug curve of his lips.
Chapter forty-three
Alec
We hear a creaking sound and Von tilts his head to listen.
It gives me a minute to notice how lumpy the king-sized bed is with outdated well-worn sheets and blanket. The pillows are misshapen blobs. There are two oak dressers, one low with a small mirror and the other taller. There are braided throw rugs on the floor, a wooden rocking chair in the corner, and an ugly six-foot framed mirror in the other corner. Pure, old-fashioned farmhouse.
“Old house,” Von mutters and brings his attention back to me.
River by Bishop Briggs
“Please choke me with your cock.” I moan to work him up.
Swedish curse words sound erotic spewing out of his mouth, and I lick my lips in anticipation. An all-consuming desire to be full of his cum and fill him with mine.
He rises above me, and I lean up to taste his leaking pre-cum. His flavor explodes on my tongue and the lust I’ve repressed since he left comes roaring to the surface, not nearly sated from the barn. My arms band around his ass to pull him into my throat as I flatten myself on the bed. I choke myself and fight to keep him inside me, even though it’s hard to breathe.
“Älskling, we have the rest of our lives. Don’t pass out before we get started.” Von’s fingers trail from my hairline to the back of my neck and I release my hold. He pumps in and out of my mouth. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”
“Fuck me,” I beg, but Von’s response is odd.
“I have a present for you if you want it now?” Von sits up.
“Now?” There’s no gift worth stopping sex for, but then I remember the gift I packed for him. “I have one too.”