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“I hope you know. Otherwise, I’ve fucked it up.” I laugh, fighting the urge to cover myself, twisting so he can see my ass. Von steps back to get a better view.
“Do you know what it means?” he asks, and I shrug. He put it on the sculpture version of his body, so it belongs on mine too. “It’s the Nordic symbol for male love.” His eyes shimmer with a blue flame.
I put my tat in the same place as hisEvighetsculpture. It’s similar to a tic-tac-toe board but slanted to the right with a thicker line running vertically through it.
On one hip, I haveVonin runes. Next to that, above my pubic bone, is ‘Viking’ in modern calligraphy, and on the other side is the symbol for eternal love. Von’s fingers trace my nickname for him across my skin. Then his finger runs over the X of the eternal love tattoo, moving over the smaller diamond shapes on each side. He completes the circuit of lines on each quadrant.
“Say something.” I can barely breathe.
“What if I didn’t forgive you?” His eyes are frenzied. “You left this part of your skin blank and then filled it with me.”
Cole called my virgin flesh skin boxers. Before Von, it felt too intimate to have tats there.
“Then I’ll have a memorial tattoo of my first love and heartbreak. Everyone will know I’m yours and I figure in Sweden, Von’s are adime a dozen.” I can’t pull off nonchalance as I nervously laugh. No one is going to see these tattoos but him.
“I love it.” His voice clogs with emotion. “I can’t believe you did this for me. That you’d risk inking your skin when you weren’t sure.” He can’t take his eyes off it.
“It wasn’t a risk because I love you and that won’t change. My body is the story of my life in ink. You’re my first love. It’s essential you’re on my body, even if we end. You’re part of me. Even if you break my heart.” My body unclenches from the fear that he thinks I’m crazy or, worse, hates it.
Von
Words alone can’t erase my heartbreak, but Alec’s actions are going a long way to knit my heart back together. I’m in awe of the things he’s done to show me his love.
I start the shower and step into the tub backward, staring at his tattoos as Alec follows me in, spearing his fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp and relaxing me with the repetitive motion.
“You never came into the farmhouse before today.” It’s not a question, it’s true.
“You didn’t want me in here and I wasn’t going to cross that line. I respect your boundaries.” He shrugs and my heart stumbles with his pain.
A comfortable silence fills the room while we soap each other up, until Alec asks, “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
Pressing my lips to his temple, I put my thoughts in order. “You weren’t the only one imagining a future for us. I visualized your elaborate apologies with heartfelt declarations of love. I pictured your apology using every romantic thing I could think of, but they were cliché or fake.”
Alec’s hand fists my hair.
“Only you could ask me to break your heart and I’d think it was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard.” My mouth is next to his ear.
“It was real—all you—and exactly what I needed to believe you meant it. If you’d made some speech about love and forgiveness, I wouldn’t have believed you were sincere. And the absurdity of your words makes me love you more,” I say while his searing touch pulls me by the hair into a slow kiss.
I break it, knowing if the kiss keeps going, round two will prevent us from talking. “I can’t go back to the US until they approve my visa.”
“I’m seriously staying until my tourist visa expires,” Alec promises.
I can speak three languages fluently with a basic understanding of three more and none of them have enough words to express how grateful I am that Alec is sacrificing his dreams to be here with me. I press my forehead to his. “Thank you.”
Alec’s mouth drops open. “For what?”
“For coming to Sweden, for not leaving when I told you to go, for being willing to stay here, even though I know it’s hard for you to be away.” I take a breath and rewind to what he said earlier. “And what do you mean, you signed a partnership contract with Cole?”
“You are more important than the shop. I’m sorry I said I couldn’t come to Sweden because of work. I was angry and scared and a dick.”
I love it, but he didn’t answer my question. “Are you part owner now?” Alec says yes and I have to ask, “What happens after you go home?” This conversation might be the most important of my life.
“I love you and choose to build a life with you. I’m not sure how everything works with visas and green cards or how that impactshow much we can see each other. Being away from home for three months is ages. So I understand now how you felt we had years, and so much time to be together before we had to figure out being apart.” His hands caress my back.
“I hate the thought of not being with you. We can FaceTime the fuck out of each other and meet in other countries.” Alec grinds on me. “It might be a waste to go to a scenic location and never leave the hotel room.”
“Will that be enough for you?” I will do everything humanly possible to be with Alec. Thinking he was crushed under the tractor helped me let go of the fear that he might cut me out of his life. He means every word he says, but long distance is hard. Our minds might need to work out the details on how we can move forward together, but our bodies demand an immediate reconciliation. I’m hopeful we can navigate the literal ocean between us.