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I nod in agreement.
Von shifts closer and I hate how good he smells, like crisp cold and my Viking. There are so many reasons to throw him out now that he’s made a sincere apology, but I can’t think of a single one staring into his bottomless blue eyes.
“I hope you will forgive me.” He reaches out but lets his hand drop back into his lap.
“I already forgave you.” If he’d asked for my forgiveness on day one, I would’ve given it to him, but he never asked.
Von sags in relief but doesn’t say anything else.
“So what else do you want?” I’m not trying to be a dick, but I don’t understand his goal.
Von straightens, his eyebrows shooting up. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” I repeat. I don’t have the energy to drag his answers out of him. After another uncomfortable silence, I ask, “Why do you need my forgiveness? What will that change for you?”
Von’s chin pulls back as his lips turn down not understanding.
I’m done with this non-conversation. “Listen, I appreciate how you were there for me when Mads ambushed me and then my parents. I have nothing to do with that photo despite what you think. Whatever your problem is, it’s not me. I won’t be the scapegoat for your anger. But I’m also not a grudge holder. We’re cool. I’m not mad. I’m sure I’ll see you around since you’reliving and showing at Mads’s gallery. You don’t need to worry that I’m going to talk to the paps or insult you to Mads.”
Von looks sick.
“I do not have a good relationship with the tabloids in Europe. They have caused me and my family a lot of pain by lying and revealing private information. I made assumptions of your involvement because of your friend. It was not right, and you did not deserve it.”
Von’s chest heaves with emotion. “I feel terrible. I have been trying to invent a time machine to take my words back, but my lack of knowledge about physics is a problem.”
“Did you just make a joke?” My surprise is a tossup between his monologue and his joke.
“If you thought it was funny, it was a joke. If not, it’s more evidence that I’m a totalarsle.”
“Viking, you’re not atotalasshole.” My tone suggests that he’s a bit of an asshole. He’s taken responsibility, but that doesn’t change anything.
“But you like assholes, right?” His expression is so hopeful, I laugh.
To clear up this baffling conversation, I throw out bait to see if he’ll bite. “I do like your asshole.”
Chapter seventeen
Von
Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi
My mind freezes at Alec’s comment. I don’t know if he is flirting, teasing, or something else. I need to say something. Anything.Jävlar!
I incorrectly assumed Alec was similar to everyone else in my past. My lowest moment was when Lars texted, asking me to thank Alec for Page Seven’s apology. They buried it where no one would read it, but I am sure Alec made it happen. I am shocked he can forgive me when I don’t deserve it.
I’ve never been more wrong or so rude to a person in my life. Selfishly, I pressed him to share details of his past without disclosing mine. I assumed he’d be furious with me for seemingly holding hands with Lars because I’ve had many fights with past jealous partners. And those partners sold stories about me.
“Well, it’s getting late. I should go,” Alec announces into the silence.
“Where are you going?” I find my voice and cringe. “You do not have to tell me. It is not for me to know.” I shake my head, but it doesn’t help my situation.
After a pause, Alec says, “I’m volunteering.”
The silence is deafening. I am the worst conversationalist in the history of talking. Even if my life depended on it, I cannot find a way to tell Alec how sorry I am. He’s so confident and can talk to anyone. I’m the opposite.
Alec leads me outside without another word. He should not have to fill my silence. I am not used to explaining myself. My family never discusses emotions. Swedes in general mind our own business, but I take it to another level.
What I can do instead of talk is show Alec how sorry I am. I have an idea to prove myself to him.