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As having Ethan know how much I need him more now than I ever needed him for any stupid hangover.
Ignoring the tiny spear of light that blooms inside me knowing he’ll be here shortly after my shift ends at Devil’s Lair, I return to sit next to my mother. Clasping her fragile hand between mine, I whisper, “Mama, Austyn loves you.”
My mother shifts uncomfortably in her bed. “I know, darling.”
“She’ll be devastated if she doesn’t get a chance to say goodbye.” It’s just that simple. For years when we lived in Kensington, if I wasn’t at my home, I was at hers and vice versa. Austyn’s mother became my second one, and my mother became hers. I lean forward and press my lips against our joined hands. “Would you deny her the chance to tell you she loves you?”
“Fallon…,” she croaks.
“Wouldn’t you be angry if the roles were reversed? Would you want me to be able to…to say…goodbye to…my other mother?”
My mother presses her lips together as tears run unchecked down her face. She pulls her hand free of mine. For a second I’m fearful she’s going to deny my request until she uses her thumb to brush at my tears. “Just Austyn. Just her…for now.”
I nod, grateful she bent enough to give me this. “And Mama Paige?”
Her fingers tangle in the ends of my hair. “Not till the end, Fal. Just…leave me some pride.”
Resting my arms against the side of her bed, I meet her gaze just as three raps hit the door. “There’s no place for pride when it comes to love.”
As Dr. Smyth shoves open the door, I hear a faint, “I hope Ethan recognizes that before it’s too late,” which leaves my stomach nauseous before we get more bad news.
I have thirty minutes before my shift at Devil’s Lair begins, and I can’t put this call off any longer. Reaching for my cell, I note there have been no more texts from Ethan, which causes me a moment of concern, but knowing he’s going to be in my arms later soothes the ache immediately. With a scoff, I reach for my phone and go to my contacts. As the call connects, I mutter, “I only have to suffer through a few hours of phone sex and breaking hearts until he gets here.”
“I really hope you’re not planning on going into great detail about how you and Uncle E sext each other,” Austyn’s infamous voice drawls. Before I can remark on that, she says a lot more seriously, “And after he finally managed to get his head out of his ass, I hope you don’t plan on breaking his heart.”
“I would never go into that kind of detail with you about the first and absolutely not to the second,” I reassure her but even I can hear the quiver in my voice.
“What’s wrong? Who do I need to maim?” Austyn demands.
At her immediate offer of harm for my pain, I burst into tears. Austyn says my name over and over, trying to calm me down. In the background, I hear her husband demanding to know what’s wrong. “I don’t know!” she shouts back.
After I finally manage to get myself under control, I sniffle before saying, “I’m okay.” Her whoosh of relief comes too soon because that’s when I drop the bomb, which causes her to start crying. “But Mama’s not.”
“Fallon? How bad is it?” she whimpers.
I’m certain my quivering breath can be heard over the phone line. “As bad as it gets.”
Her shriek of “No!” has multiple people asking, “What’s wrong?” on her side of the line.
I wish it was the same here. I wish I had Ethan to wrap his arms around me. But not now, I remind myself. Later.
Tonight.
Pulling myself together, I tell her everything that’s been happening—from my mother’s cancer to Florence and her offer of my second job. It’s then I listen to my best friend’s heart shatter right alongside mine. Once her tears have calmed, she asks me one thing, “What do you need?”
“For now, nothing.”
“Fallon,” a gentle reprimand.
“Austyn, right now, we don’t need anything. I swear.” Because, like I told you, I agreed to sell my voice to make the medical payments, I say silently. Then I catch her up on everything from the diagnosis to the treatment to the last two days and the bleakness that enveloped us both.
“I’m coming down,” she declares resolutely.
“I figured you’d say something like that.” For the first time in days, a hint of a smile curves my lips.
“You know anything I have, Mama has, whether its access to different doctors, money, just hugs, they’re yours.”
“I know.” The tears I’m holding back cause my throat to tighten. “I’m not doing what I’m doing for the money, Austyn.”