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“What are you doing here?”
As I sit beside her, I realize this moment is about rebuilding trust, about healing wounds that run deeper than I ever imagined. As I look into wary eyes, I know that no matter what the future holds, I'll carry the lessons of the way I hurt this part of my heart with me.
Forever.
For in this quiet corner of the world, surrounded by the echoes of the promises we’d started to build, I've found Fallon’s happiness means more to me than my own. When I touch her face, she stiffens—a clear indicator my touch isn’t welcome. I offer her a sad smile before withdrawing my hand. The weight of my remorse and regret weigh heavily on my chest but it’s nothing in comparison to the devastation pulsating at me from her indigo blue eyes.
Eyes, I’m certain, I’ll dream of for the rest of my life. "I can't begin to express how sorry I am, for everything.”
“Ethan.” Her voice is low and riddled with warning.
“I should have come to you instead of not trusting who I know you are. I didn’t trust my instincts, didn’t trust us. I invaded your privacy, hurt you when you were already in agony, and maligned your character. For what? To find out you were set up? Something that would have taken me hours to confirm if I’d known by asking?” I scuff my boot in the gravel leading up to the porch steps.
When she looks over at me, her gaze softens slightly. In her eyes, I see a glimmer of forgiveness peeking out, buried beneath the pain. I fumble on. "I know I can never fully make it right, but I need to try. I want to show you that I'm committed to making amends. It was recently pointed out to me that I’ve given you a lot of words over the years but nothing to back them up.”
Reaching out tentatively, I touch her hand, relieved when she doesn't pull away. Her touch is like a lifeline, grounding me in this moment of vulnerability. "I've been doing a lot of thinking.”
Her smart mouth quickly sasses, “Did it hurt?”
That moment of her natural brazenness flaring causes my grin to flash briefly. I realize it’s the first smile I’ve had since we imploded. No, since I blew us up. Then just as quickly as it appears, it’s gone—just like she is. I should have done a better job of cherishing them both while I had them. I know the ache of that is going to live inside of me for the rest of my life, however we end up. Still playing with her fingers, I admit, “I realized I had no right to judge you, regardless of your reasons. I knew you and I should have known better.”
Her lips tremble slightly, and I feel my heart clench with the weight of what she says. “That’s just it. I did think you knew me.”
I bow my head in shame, unable to hold her gaze.
"I had promised Mama. Ethan, you were my rock—even if you didn’t know it. Every day, I’d wake up fearing today would be the day I’m going to get the call she’s gone. I lived my life in fear. Afraid of Mama dying. Afraid of losing you, of being alone. And yes, I was afraid of losing the job at Devil’s Lair.”
“I know it's no excuse, but...I couldn't bear the thought of you sharing that part of…us…with strangers.”
She reaches for my hands. “Would it help you to know what it was like working there?”
I glance out over the perfectly manicured lawn and nod. “Maybe knowing is better than not. Because my imagination is killing me.”
Fallon walks me through a typical shift and I find myself laughing at all my misconceptions being thrown out the window. In fact, when she mentions utilizing a fly swatter against the desk to mimic spanking, I can’t help but double over laughing. “Creative little bunch, aren’t you?”
She shrugged. “It was a job."
Clasping her chin so she can’t look away, I give her back the strength I callously ripped away with petulant words. “I see that now.” Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for her response, knowing that my fate hangs in the balance after I lay my heart on the line. “Fallon, I have a lot to make up for. But if you think there’s a time in the future when you could possibly forgive me…”
“Ethan, I…”
I lay my finger across her lips. “Witch, that's why I'm here. To earn my forgiveness. To show you that I'm not just the man who made a mistake, but the man who will not only say anything to earn your forgiveness but who will earn it.”
Silence stretches between us, broken only by the soft sounds of nature. Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears as she looks at me, really looks at me, for the first time since that awful night. Then her arms wrap around my sweaty body. Scooting closer, she lays her head directly against my chest.
“You bought her a cloud.”
Immediately, I deflect the conversation away from what I did, “An anonymous donor did.”
“Uh-huh.” She skewers me with a side eye I try not to react to. Then she rests against me. "You mowed my mother's lawn..."
"I know it's not enough, but... it's a start. I want to help you and support you in any way I can. I want to be there for you, if you'll let me." I hold my breath, waiting for her response, my heart thundering in my chest. When she finally twists her head to meet my eyes, what I see there is like a lifeline, pulling me back from the brink of despair.
"Maybe...maybe we can try to be friends again. Take it slow, see where it leads."
Hope surges within me, but I know there's still a long road ahead. Nodding, I meet her gaze with determination shining in my eyes.
"I'll take whatever chance you're willing to give me. I promise I won't let you down again."