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“Always.”
“I think things changed the night of our graduation party.” At their combined gasp, I hold up my hand. “Nothing happened. It was just Ethan who started looking at me differently.”
Austyn pretends to hurl even as her mother tosses a pillow at her head. Austyn gasps. “Mama. For shame. You could have knocked over the wine.”
Paige narrows her green eyes thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it, Fallon, I recall the shift. There was this look he’d get when your name was mentioned.”
“Oh, wait. Let me demonstrate!” Austyn declares gleefully. She proceeds to imitate a basset hound. Just the sight of her yanking her chiseled cheeks down and her overly exaggerated pout causes me and Paige to snicker. Austyn winks at me before pointing out to her mother, “I wouldn’t be laughing too hard there, Mama. You and Dad wore the same expression on your faces when you were falling for one another. Discreet you were not.”
Rolling her eyes at her oldest child, Paige probes delicately, “So, there was an emotional…connection…”
“Intimacy,” I supply helpfully, taking a sip of wine.
Paige scrunches her nose but soldiers on. “Yes, that. You two had that before there was…uh…” Her head tips back, and she asks my mother plaintively, “God, Helen. You didn’t leave me these instructions. How did you handle this?”
“He wasn’t her brother?” Austyn offers helpfully.
Paige glares at her oldest child. I roll my lips inward to gather my control before I relieve Paige of her discomfort. “If it helps, Mama was as shocked as you were at first.”
Paige’s hand rests on top of mine. “What did she say after that?”
“That Ethan is a fine example that God’s a woman because looking at him could cause an orgasm.” The words leap from my mouth without me censoring them.
Both Kensington women stare at me like I’ve lost my marbles before they flop back, screeching with laughter. Paige regains control first and blows a kiss skyward. “Bless you, Helen. Your answer was perfect.”
“She trusted me to take care of myself and to protect my heart.”
Austyn rests her hand against my leg. “And right now, you’re wishing she hadn’t?”
It all comes pouring out of me, all the pain and agony I’ve been subject to in addition to losing Mama. “Everything was perfect even after graduation. There I was, finally happy with Ethan. Then, I found out Mama was sick.”
Paige puts the pieces together quickly. “And she refused to allow you to tell us.”
“Yes.”
“Charles Dickens said, ‘There is something in sickness that breaks down the pride of manhood.’”
“Not in Mama.”
“No. Yet, maybe your mother was trying to teach you a final life lesson amid her agony.”
“What’s that?”
Paige reaches over and clasps my hand. “It’s one she and I discussed at length, one which Austyn knows as well.”
I wait, knowing I’ll finally get the answer I’ve been seeking after so long.
“Your mother wanted you to appreciate that you, Fallon Brookes, are a strong woman with or without a man in your life. You’re determined to do what’s right and damn the path you have to travel. You’ll do anything for those you love. She didn’t have time to teach you that herself, so she used the only thing left in this world to give you that lesson—as painful and cruel as it may have been at that moment.”
“You really think so?” My voice is small when I question my mother’s motives.
“Darling, if I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be sitting right here. Regardless, you have a tribe of people at your back. You don’t have to fear what lies ahead of you. You’re not alone.”
Except I don’t have Ethan. Not anymore.
A tear drops into my wineglass, causing a tiny ripple. Squeezing her fingers relentlessly, I tell her about how I cut off communication with Ethan. “I just couldn’t handle more…words. Not when his actions showed me I meant so little to him.”
“Understandable.”