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Then I found the letter in her toy box, which struck me as exactly what my mother would ask Paige to do to alleviate my tension at such a horrible time. For a moment, it made me recall what it was like when I confessed to her that I had feelings beyond friendship for Ethan.
“Mama, I don’t know what to do.” I buried my face in my upturned knees. “We just started out as friendly acquaintances.”
“When did it become more—for you, that is.”
“When Austyn was hurt. We leaned on each other and I got to see this side of him I didn’t know was there.” Relaxing back, I explain. “Ethan’s always so self-contained. He’d do anything for anyone, but rarely does he let his walls down.”
“And he did with you? It made you feel needed, wanted?”
I nod. “It showed me the kind of man I want.”
“Is it the kind of man you want or is he the man you want?”
“I’ve thought of that. I haven’t met anyone else who comes close to making me feel the same way.”
She draws back a little before smirking at me. “Not even the art TA?”
I groan, recalling the fact I told her about the scorching sex I had after I modeled nude. “There are times I regret oversharing with you.”
She pulled me tight against her side. “I don’t. I cherish every single gray hair you’ve given me.”
I burst into laughter before squeezing her so hard she protests. “Me too, Mama.”
Her hand tangles in my ponytail. “Does Ethan know how you feel?”
“Not that I’m aware of.” Wryly, I add, “I’m certain he’d go running for the hills if he did.”
She hummed. Silence descended between us and Mama rocked me back and forth. Something poked at my skin. I grumbled, “Ow! What’s that?”
Mama blushed. “Nothing you need to worry about, young lady.”
I groan. “Mama, I just confessed to having some pretty significant feelings for a man twenty years my senior. Is there a taboo topic between us?”
“Well, sweetheart, let’s just say that’s the box you want to immediately dispose of in the event of…”
“Stop.”
“But, Fallon, I thought there was no such thing as a taboo topic?” Mama intones innocently. Too innocently.
I glare into eyes that are the exact shade of my own. “I really don’t want to know about your preferred toys.”
She tugs me closer. “A later conversation perhaps when you’re not in the middle of an existential crisis?”
Now, I’m holding a letter that came from that very box because Paige reminded me I needed to open it and properly dispose of the contents before the estate people went through every nook and cranny to price my mother’s life. “That’s not something you want them finding, sweetheart.”
It wasn’t. And yet, due to her and my mother’s shenanigans, my mother’s words may be what gets me through tonight after my confrontation with Ethan. Leaving all the rest of the combined frames and documents I need to sort through on the counter before I meet with the probate attorneys tomorrow, I snatch it up and head into the living room to read it.
A few seconds later, my legs are tucked beneath me and my finger has slit the envelope open. I’m taken aback when I lift the multiple pages out, knowing my mother wasn’t strong enough at the end. “When did she write this?” I ask the empty room.
I soon find out she had an accomplice.
My darling, Fallon,
Forgive my ramblings.
You’re only a few miles down the road at work as I ask Paige to pen this for me. As your mother, I couldn’t be more proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. I need you to know that, to believe it. Wherever you are in your life when you’re reading this, please understand you are a gift and from the moment you were born, I have loved you from the very core of my heart.
No matter where I am, or what you are doing, I am so proud of the woman you are, Fallon. I truly am.