Page 6 of Not How I Saw That Going

He shrugs off my praise. “Didn’t know until I knew, you know?”

I lift an eyebrow. “Do you just spew random words for fun?” The guy will be a perfect addition to the FBI. If he’s ever captured and questioned, he’ll just talk until everyone is confused.

“Enough about me. Now back to the hot mom. How smoking was she?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

My lips press into a firm line. I know what he’s doing, and I refuse to play his game. She may have been dressed in yoga pants and an old t-shirt, but she was still one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. Her auburn hair had been piled on top of her head in a bun so thick the elastic couldn’t contain it, and dozens of strands were left spilling out in long curls around her freckled cheeks. I’ve never noticed freckles before, but hers were almost as numerous as the stars in the sky.

“Like, could she burn the house down?” he asks again.

I clench my jaw until I’m afraid I’ll crack something. A low rumbling starts in my chest, but I stamp it out. He’s trying to get a rise out of me, but it won’t work. I’m so cool I could turn this place into an ice castle.

Dang it, I’ve got to stop letting my nieces pick that movie.Next time I babysit we’re watchingDie Hard.

“Interesting,” Caleb says with a devious smile.

I know better than to ask him what he means, he’ll tell me whether or not I want to know.

“All this time I thought the war had turned your heart to stone. Turns out it’s alive and well.” He tries to pat my chest, but I shove his arm off. “Beating away for the single mothers of the world.”

I glare at him. Give him an inch and he takes a mile, which is why I never give him that inch.

Yes, the war changed me. It changed him too; he’s just better at hiding it than I am. Which is why I get the concerned looks from my family and friends, and why everyone is bent on fixing me, and fixing me up with just the right girl. As if the perfect woman will somehow erase what happened over there.

Nothing can change the past. I should know. I’ve tried.

“Find out if she has any hot friends, will you?”

“I didn’t even get her name.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Caleb stuffs another handful of cheese into his mouth. “King of wasted opportunities.”

Wasted, missed, destroyed opportunities. All of the above.

I grab a handful of cheese for myself.

Not bad.Maybe the supermarket could hire the kid to stomp on things to boost sales.

“Even if I did get her name, I’m sure she doesn’t have friends that would want to be hassled by you—”

“Hassled?” He hits his chest with a fist. “You think so little of me.”

My lips twitch. “You’re a little man.”

Caleb jumps on me. His height is his biggest insecurity, and I’m a terrible friend for capitalizing on it, but what he doesn’t have in height he makes up for in muscle. Which is the only reason he manages to take me to the ground. He throws a fist at my face, but I block him. His cheeks are beet red, and I bite back the smirk that will just get me another one. Best friends, worst enemies, we’ve been this way since we became friends in the fourth grade.

My phone rings. He raises his fist, but it hovers over my face while my phone continues to buzz.

“Oh look, your mommy is saving you.” He peels away from me and nods toward my phone on the floor beside my head. “Better answer that.”

Or he could just hit me again.

I groan and sit up, swiping my thumb over the screen at the last second.

“Hello?”

“Ward! I’m so glad I caught you before work.”

I don’t work today.