Page 123 of Not How I Saw That Going

“But what if Lyndi still doesn’t want me in her life?” And just like that, the fear is back. Because what does it say about me if I’ve done all I can do and she still doesn’t want me around for her and Crew?

Collins rolls her neck out. “You can’t let other people determine your worth. You do the work for yourself, not for someone else. If she’s meant to be in your life, she’ll be there.”

She sits back, and I do as well, watching the sunlight slowly fade away.

“Do you think I should work at the business?” I say suddenly. I’ve been thinking more about my dad’s project, thinking of a way we could reach out to the veterans who make up a large number of the homeless community. After serving our country, they deserve a service aimed at them.

“Yes!” She goes to stand up, then thinks better of it. “I knew you’d change your mind when you saw Dad’s project.”

I frown at her. “How did you know that?”

“Because you’ve only ever wanted to save people. This will save hundreds.”

Lyndi asked me when I would forgive myself. Maybe this project could help me start.

I think this job could make me happy. I’ve let the pain from the war eat me up inside for too long. It’s time to let it go.

I close my eyes and let out a breath.

I spent years repaying a debt I thought I owed to others. But it’s time to decide what’s important to me. I owe that to myself.

“Do you love her?”

I’m momentarily caught off guard by the change of subject. I want to scoff, but I’m done lying to myself. I love Lyndi. I love Crew too. “Yes.”

“Then tell her. Tell her you want to be in their lives, but don’t force yourself into a place she’s not ready to allow you. Let her save herself.”

“But what if there’s, like, a big scary dragon?” I ask to break the tension surrounding my confession.

“Besides you?”

“Okay, that’s it. You’re going in the pool.” I make a move toward her.

She raises her hand next to her ear, wielding the same glass figurine she tried to kill me with before, and I freeze.

She grins. “See, I can fight my own dragons.”

Forty Four

Lyndi

“WheredidCrewgo?”I push some brightly colored prom dresses out of the way to reveal my little boy crouching beneath them.

“My turn to hide again.” He jumps up and runs around the store, bound to get lost in the dresses again.

I’ve only been working at Lisa’s dress shop for three days, and I’m not sure who loves it more: me or Crew. I love watching brides find their perfect dress or teen girls dream of all the prom possibilities. But my personal favorite are the women who decide to treat themselves and dress up for any number of special occasions.

I help Lisa run the desk, steam the dresses, run between clients, and clean the shop. Crew plays back in the playroom or upfront with me. Lisa is even graciously paying me enough so I don’t have to keep my awful internet job. I decided to keep my Etsy shop up. My page has been flooded with positive reviews and I’ve found a new love for sentimental jewelry. I’ll be adding lockets as soon as I get the materials.

“Alright. Your turn.” Lisa emerges from the back room. “I’m all sewed out. Now I get to play with Crew.”

“Are you sure it’s safe for me to be back there alone?” I ask.

She only just began teaching me how to sew, starting with a simple stitch and connecting two pieces of fabric together. So far, every time I sit down at the sewing machine, I only succeed in jamming it up.

“You can’t break anything I haven’t broken myself at least a hundred times,” she says.

“Okay,” I say, excitement running through my veins. I love learning new skills. I’ve been reading sewing blogs and watching YouTube videos. (You can learn anything from YouTube these days.)