Page 125 of Not How I Saw That Going

Warmth floods my soul. Is this what acceptance feels like? “Claire…” I start, but emotion clogs my throat.

I tug on my arm again. Nothing. Well, at least my stitch is strong. I glance around for some scissors. I need to do something.

She gives me a sad, knowing smile. “You have a son. You know what it’s like to want to protect them, and how scary it is to know you can’t control everything. I’m sorry I came between you two.”

She wasn’t the only thing between us. I put my own excuses there, piled them so high I couldn’t see over the top. I did it all under the guise of protecting my son. But what kind of mom keeps her child from those who care for him? I won’t be my mother.

Claire stands up straighter, smoothing her blazer. “You put hope back in my son’s eyes. If you love him like he loves you, help him keep it there.”

I will.

She turns to leave, but I stop her. “Hey, Claire?”

“Yes?”

“Could you send Lisa back here?”

Forty Five

Lyndi

“Tellmetostopfreaking out,” I whisper yell into the phone.

“Stop freaking out,” comes Maddie’s monotone voice.

“That didn’t feel genuine.”

“It wasn’t.” I can practically hear her eyes roll. “Stop being a baby and just go.”

“I’m not a baby,” I say at the same time Crew does from Maddie’s end of the phone. Okay, maybe I am.

“Fine. Bye.” I end the call and try to remember the strength I’ve been grasping for since Claire stopped by yesterday.

I open my phone again and return to my mother’s unanswered message. I can’t move on with my life, for real this time, until I stand up for myself.

Me:Dearest Mother, I’m so sorry you’ve found nothing but disappointment in me. How sad that must be for you. As a mother, I know how deeply painful this disappointment can be. But I would never choose it over loving my son every day for the rest of my life. You might have thought I made a mistake keeping my son, your grandson. But there is only one thing I know for a fact I have done right in my life, and it’s him! I don’t need your approval. All I ever needed was a mother. I’m glad I can be that for my son.

I hit send. A moment of panic hits—she’s going to be livid. Then she will…wait, I don’t care anymore. I take a deep breath, bringing my mind back to the more important endeavor ahead of me.

From now on, that is my goal. To simply look ahead, instead of behind. To love with my whole heart, and accept love in retur—

Knock knock.

I jump so high my legs ram into the bottom of my steering wheel.

Caleb’s grinning face greets me through my window and I groan. He totally killed my internal inspirational monologue. I step out of the car, looking for Ward.

“He’s out back,” Caleb says. “Maddie called and told me to get you in the house before you back out.”

“Why does everyone doubt me?” I barely refrain from slamming the door in frustration. I don’t want Ward to know I’m here yet.

“We don’t doubt you,” Caleb says, leading me through the garage. “We just want to speed this thing up. I’m leaving next week, and I can’t have my bro moping around the house while I’m gone.”

“Leaving? Where are you going?” Has Ward really been moping?

He grins at me. “I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” He opens the garage door that leads into the house and shoves me through it.

I yelp, barely catching myself on the opposite wall with my good hand.